10 kids? To judge it not to judge?

[Sekena]

I don't have 10 kids lol BUT boyfriends Dad was one of 10 - boyfriend's dad was a 'rainbow' baby born after a stillbirth -although doubt if this term was used then. Boyfriend himself is one of 5 - and all the sibs get on.

On MN - you get for instance a lot of 'only child' threads and parents potential guilt for not providing siblings and the opinions on these quite rightly are overwhelmingly that onlies don't miss out and these only child stereotypes are nonsense - which I completely agree with - I firmly believe an only child can thrive and doesn't need siblings. However - I also believe that a child in a large family can also thrive - just like my boyfriend's dad did. However if I was to say I'd like 10 kids - would I be judged ? I haven't decided on this at all - I'm currently pregnant with my second - but honestly felt my DD thrived as an only so definitely didn't conceive to give Dd a sibling - am delighted for this child in its own right !

I'm currently open minded about family size and am a SAHM. But what are your opinions on families of 10 like my boyfriends Dad's - WIBU if this is what I wanted ?

YABU because it’s not the same as it was years ago - women used to have to have huge families because of need to support the family with bringing home wages, and lack of contraception.

It’s entirely different to someone today having 10 children. I think anybody who has more than 4-5 nowadays is wrong to do so: our planet is dying- adding more people on to it to consume finite resources is wrong.

Also looking at her age and his age when they had their first child screams abuse of power.

I wanted 6 kids (I am one of 7 and my ex was 1 of 10)

After my first, I adjusted to having maybe 4 (he was a very easy baby)

After my second, I knew that was enough (she was a nightmare baby, but lovely after she started to walk at 8 months)

I stopped at two and I am pleased that I chose that. Their dad left when they were 8 and 9.

They are now in their 40s and we have, mostly, a brilliant relationship but I'm glad there are just the 2 of them

I would love to be from a large family.

Both my mum and dad are from large families (mum 1 of 9, dad 1 of 7) much more normal to have larger families then. Significant age gaps between first and last babies. 1st child at 18 with the last being born when parents are in their early 40's. Days out were visiting family, beach or forest for picnics so "entertainment" money wasn't needed. Lots of playing out. Minimal birthday and Christmas presents. Most of the children had left home by 19/20yrs old. Both families only had 3 bed houses. Mum can remember sharing a room with 2 sisters always. Not sure why there were so many kids.

No access to contraception????

Often had to get males permission to go on pill. Lots of the larger families were also catholic and church forbade contraception in the past.

I’d assume sex is the answer

I would judge. I have 3 and I would really question if you can really do the best for each child, if you have that many (anything more than 4 I would really question).
eg - can you help with homework, with reading every night, allow them to follow their passions in terms of sport, art or whatever (both in terms of costs and logistics - taking them to potentially multiple sports sessions a week for instance). And just, do you have the time to spend actually talking to them, unravelling all their little problems etc. And of course doing outings, holidays etc.
When they are babies and toddlers, it's exhausting, but in many ways it's easier. - but I find my evenings and even more complicated now (3 in primary school/early secondary), trying to be in 3 places at once whilst cooking healthy meals and trying to manage everyone's homework, music practice etc whilst having meaningful conversations.
If you think you can manage that, whilst not turning older kids into babysitters, and also not relying on the state to fund your choices.... go for it!

I loved sharing my bedroom with my sister.

Oh god please read up on this pair before praising them! They are certainly not to be admired.

I'd judge, it's dreadful. Environmental reasons being my main concern. Utterly selfish now we are all aware with no excuses.

You know it's not as simple as that don't you?

Global fertility has been in decline for quite a while. There are huge problems with ageing populations looming.

Pregnant with my third DD and tbh I can't stress enough to anyone who asks that it will be my last.... after having my first I vowed never again then obviously that wasn't to be so here I am with my third due to be born and I know I can't do pregnancy again as it has taken its toll on my body!

I think larger families (3 or more planned) is fine if you can both afford them financially and cope emotionally with a larger family, meeting the needs of your children - this includes contingency if life doesn't go to plan (eg sufficient life assurance not to be morbid) and having sufficient space. Having more children if relying on benefits or worse still not being able to cope with all your childrens individual needs is just not on.

All babies born between the late 1930s to early 1960s so hormonal contraception wasn't even invented. Both grandparents were married. Granddads had good jobs. There were weekly budgets for everything and everyone pulled together to make it all work.

My grandmother was one of ten, but this was over 100 years ago. Sadly, only 5 of them made it to adulthood. One of them was only 12 days old when it died.

Nowadays I would just think "why?"

I have a friend who's youngest of five. Even though her mum didn't work and was very loving she says she barely remembers her mum sitting down at meal times, that she was often on her own and gif away with not brushing her teeth gif about a year!
My mother (born in the 1920s) was one of 8, different era really they only had meals with their parents on Sundays and basically grew up at boarding school.
I can only imagine that the parents whole lives must be taken up with looking after the kids, doing laundry and cooking. I'd hate that - I have my own life to lead.

My grandmother was one of 13 and hated it - she had 2 children 7 years apart, she was adamant to have a life beyond kids

Just for info it was common practice to name a child the name of their older sibling if the older sibling had died in infancy. It was seen an honouring the child who didn't get to grow up - and causes loads of confusion when people look at old census records of families!

Pretty much this. Every single adult I know who came from a larger family background only ever talks negatively about it - lack of attention, lack of personal 1-1 time, lack of privacy, lack of money, expected to care for younger sibs/badly cared for or suffered neglect/abuse from older sibs. Parents not having a clue what was going on in their kids lives and minds most of the time.
They've all chosen to have one or two max kids.
The jolly happy large family thing was a complete myth to them.

I had my 4th in 2020 and spent 3 month on the antenatal ward before I had my DS. When I was first admitted to hospital I said to my consultant oh it’s my 4th baby and I felt in some way I would be judged having my 4th. He said to me tell me if you think the same by the time you have your baby. I met so many ladies having their 6,7, 8 th etc the highest was a lady having her 11th. Quite a few also had grandkids. I was so interested in all there back stories I found it really insightful.

I live in a rich area. Plenty of families with 4 kids.

I have one DS (grown up now so no more lol)! BIL has none, one of my close friends and her DSis, both none. Most of our neighbours one or none! If we all carry on like this we'll be in a pickle as a country so if you want a big family and feel you have the resources go for it! Actually think the taxpayer should pitch in to fund this a bit more, especially childcare.

10 children is certainly too many, there's no justification for it other than selfish reasons. We need to reduce the population, not increase it. 1 child should be looked at as the norm, that way the population is reduced by (at least) 50% every generation.

I’m the eldest of a large family, and it was difficult childhood — not enough time, space, attention to go round. MiL is the eldest of 13. In both cases, it was a lack of contraception available, and a religious taboo on its use. It wrecked women’s lives.