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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have a party for my daughters 1st birthday?

152 replies

jug878 · 13/03/2023 01:43

My daughter will be 1 this summer.

The mum guilt is eating away at me and I feel like I need to throw this great party for her... even though I know she won't remember it!

We can't have a small gathering at our place because it's a flat. So it'll be a party involving a hall/food etc. etc. money is tight. We could stretch and make it happen but it'll be stressful for us.

I told a close family member that we are thinking of just taking baby out for the day us 3 as a family. She said I'm being selfish and that family will want to celebrate her and that it's mean to not give her a party.

Now I'm smothered with mum guilt and she's made me feel terrible. But this particular person just doesn't understand, they have never had money worries and have always had lavish parties costing thousands which I personally think is OTT.

Am I being selfish?

For those who decided to do a party/not do a party for babys 1st birthday, how did you feel about it after?

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 13/03/2023 11:04

5 dc and we did different things for each of their first birthdays. Best one was a trip to soft play just the 3 of us for dc1.

Fizzybubblegumbottles · 13/03/2023 11:19

My baby will be 1 in July he is not having a party but he has a cake smash booked. Will put balloons/banners get a cake on his birthday but I will be working anyway and his brothers birthday is 2 days later!

Phos · 13/03/2023 11:22

Sounds like the family member is pissy because THEY want a party.

A 1 year old doesn't know it's their birthday nor do they know what a birthday party is. They do know that a day out with mummy and daddy is fun. We did go for a family meal for my daughter and her cousin's 1st birthdays but it certainly wasn't a party.

elenacampana · 13/03/2023 11:35

Hoping to avoid big birthday parties forever more here 😂

We went out for tea and booked a private room at a local place for my baby’s first birthday and invited her grandparents, aunties uncles and cousins. We took her out on her own during the day, just the 3 of us. I think we may have a weekend away for when she turns 2.

ShortColdandGrey · 13/03/2023 12:21

We did not do a 1st birthday party. We invited the grandparents around for cake, and anyone that wanted to drop in to say happy birthday were welcome.

Norriscolesbag · 13/03/2023 12:24

First child- I went all out and far too many people came to the party.

Second and Third children- seaside trip away for the weekend, posh hotel, small toy and a Colin cake!

Justmeandthedog1 · 13/03/2023 12:28

Didn’t do parties until they went to school.
Go out to the park. Have a cake for some photos. Baby will be happy, you won’t be stressed.

gogohmm · 13/03/2023 12:37

I didn't have one for dd1, flat was way too small. No gifts either, just a free cake we got a voucher for from local supermarket baby club thing.

Had moved recently into a house when dd2 turned one so threw a combined birthday and house warming party.

shelbaba · 13/03/2023 13:31

I would never have a big party for a 1 yr old! Even if I had millions in the bank it's quite pointless and it's basically only for the adults and can be a bit of showing off going on. Always just had a little party at home for them.

One of the mums at playgroup the other day said oh yeah I don't know what to do for his second bday as it just cost so much last yr. I mean it cost me over £2k. She's a cake maker so had done the cake and the balloons herself. I don't have a clue how she spent that but it must have been a big show off party.

My 3yr old was disappointed that her "party" was in the house last year. So we will be having one for her this year (prob at softplay) for her 4th bday because I know she wants it and wld love it! I think it's bar size she has started to attend parties recently so I think she thought she was getting a big party 🙈

I recently went to a kids party in her flat (friend from school) it was a small 2bedroom flat and there were about 12 kids and 8 adults! Is ur flat really so small u cldnt have immediate family round for a little party.

BeastOfBODMAS · 13/03/2023 16:30

@jug878 it was the aquarium that caused the full night’s sleep! Grin

Lcb123 · 13/03/2023 16:31

Just do whatever is right for you,
don’t worry what others think: personally I think a party for a 1 year old is a bit of a waste - I’d do something to celebrate yourself being a mum for 1 year!

whattodo1975 · 13/03/2023 16:32

We just had some family over to do cake. The kids don't remember obviously but it was nice and everyone enjoyed it.

Jenby5957 · 13/03/2023 16:36

I did a big party for my child’s 1st birthday, way over the top tbh and now regret spending as much money as I did, but you know what? I waited a hell of a long time for my child, never thought I’d have a child and then did ivf so I wanted to celebrate and I don’t regret that at all.
people probably thought I was crazy but I don’t care. This year it’s my child’s 3rd & will be having a little party, won’t be doing it every year but if you want to/don’t want to is upto you. Children are usually happy with presents/ cards and a cake no matter how much it cost, they don’t need extravagance to enjoy their birthday!

Jenby5957 · 13/03/2023 16:37

Plus I think lockdown had a lot to do with it, a lot of family and friends hadn’t met my dc so a big party did us all good tbh

winningeasy · 13/03/2023 17:10

What about just a few folk at a park for a couple of hours? As it's summer you can do stuff a lot easier - food can be sausages, cheese, few sandwiches - rope your family into helping with that

Just bring speakers for music and booze for adults

Whatisthisanyidea · 13/03/2023 17:56

Mine had a party - loads of family so it was a party or drip drip visits all day! Best get it over with in an hour.

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 13/03/2023 18:45

winningeasy · 13/03/2023 17:10

What about just a few folk at a park for a couple of hours? As it's summer you can do stuff a lot easier - food can be sausages, cheese, few sandwiches - rope your family into helping with that

Just bring speakers for music and booze for adults

But the OP hasn’t asked for suggestions of how to host a party when her flat’s too small. She doesn’t want to hold a party and what you’re suggesting is a heck of a lot of work, especially if you don’t have a car.

AlliWantIsARoomSomewheeeere · 13/03/2023 19:36

My daughters 1st birthday was in the middle of the 1st full lockdown. She isn't scarred for life. Ignore that family member!
My son had his first full birthday party (ie hall etc) at 5 and even then shared with a friend, so we split the cost.
All other party's for both have been a bouncy castle and BBQ at home with family and close friends, cos we are lucky to have a big garden, but I'll be honest they have been as much a good excuse for a get together for the adults, as for the kids, who don't really understand.
My son slept through a big chunk of his 1st birthday party, decided that was the day for a 2hr nap! 😆 I certainly wouldn't have forked out for a hall and all the works before school age.
You have nothing to feel guilty for. If family want a party for her that badly, tell them they can pay for it

CoalCraft · 13/03/2023 19:40

I had no intention of doing a party for nine's first or indeed second. In the end mil just brought some cake and a balloon to ours for both and took photos while DD opened pressies. SIL and DH's GPs also came. It was nice and involved no work for me whatsoever 👍

Martz · 13/03/2023 20:18

We didn’t have a party for our DS’s 1st birthday. On the weekend of his birthday we had the in laws visit for an hour and then my family visited later in the day for their hour with him after he’d had his nap, it broke the day up and ensured he wasn’t overwhelmed with family “competing” for his attention and we got a break too. The day after (which was his actual birthday) just the three of us went out to an attraction for the day. It was a really lovely weekend, wasn’t too tiresome or overwhelming for anyone, and extended family got to see him and spend time with him without it being too drawn out or draining. Everyone seemed happy with the arrangement and both sets of grandparents seemed happy to have had their own time with him too. We’ll be doing the same again this year too.

Supergirl1958 · 13/03/2023 21:29

Nope! Do not be guilt tripped into it! Your DD will not remember as you’ve said and it makes more sense to do something as a family! My DS has never had a party and he will be 4 this year and I doubt I will have one for a year or two yet.

Daisymae55 · 13/03/2023 21:41

Dd is 1 today and had her birthday party yesterday. By birthday party, us, and my brother and brother on law went to my parents house, had sandwiches and cake and just kept it simple. It was lovely, but simple, easy, cheap and low stress. But I think we would have been equally happy just taking her somewhere for the day ourselves. The first birthday is more a thing for the parents so do what is right for you and will make you happy 💕

justmyluck1234 · 13/03/2023 21:45

YANBU - do which ever you feel best fits you. Don't listen to anyone else.

My little boy turned 1 ending of last year and I was so tempted to do the big birthday but in the end I just didn't see the point. He won't remember it and in my case we have no other babies in my family and he's obviously to young to have friends.

We ended up having grandparents over to our flat one in the morning and the others in the afternoon. Had a little bit of food, and a birthday cake.

Hollybobs1 · 13/03/2023 23:07

We threw a small tea party at home with just family. It doesn't have to be a big lavish expensive do.

MajorCarolDanvers · 13/03/2023 23:16

We just went out for lunch with GPS

A 1 yr old has no clue what a party is