Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have a party for my daughters 1st birthday?

152 replies

jug878 · 13/03/2023 01:43

My daughter will be 1 this summer.

The mum guilt is eating away at me and I feel like I need to throw this great party for her... even though I know she won't remember it!

We can't have a small gathering at our place because it's a flat. So it'll be a party involving a hall/food etc. etc. money is tight. We could stretch and make it happen but it'll be stressful for us.

I told a close family member that we are thinking of just taking baby out for the day us 3 as a family. She said I'm being selfish and that family will want to celebrate her and that it's mean to not give her a party.

Now I'm smothered with mum guilt and she's made me feel terrible. But this particular person just doesn't understand, they have never had money worries and have always had lavish parties costing thousands which I personally think is OTT.

Am I being selfish?

For those who decided to do a party/not do a party for babys 1st birthday, how did you feel about it after?

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 13/03/2023 09:25

Parties for one year olds aren’t for the one year olds. There’s nothing in it for them.

That said, those parents who want to throw a party to celebrate their child turning one aren’t doing anything wrong.

We didn’t have parties for ours as babies and toddlers. They “opened” presents from family, bored for the most part of course, and photos were taken in favourite outfits. We did nice things they liked. That was it. I’d only do a cake if family were coming round for a birthday tea, I can’t recall if ours did, probably not due to distance, and the child in question being one year old and oblivious.

A lot of pressure now comes from people’s social media being bombarded with exquisitely decorated and catered events for every bloody thing that make so many people insecure. All the showing off is justified by being about celebrating their amazing baby/ fiancé/parent (not about displaying their own fabulousness), leaving some people feeling that if they love their mum or son, they need to dedicate a tonne of time and £££ proving it to them and the outside world. When they get a bit older, children love parties with traditional games and silly activities, they want party food, balloons, if there is the money a children’s entertainer is great and takes the pressure off the parents for a while. They don’t care about your colour coordinated personalised bunting, tableware and decorations and your artistically arranged tables of plenty will soon be ravaged and unrecognisable.

googledidnthelp · 13/03/2023 09:28

The we didn't, just a lovely day trip out. It was themed so say we went to the zoo, they wore a new animal design outfit and we bought a small wooden animal from the shop.

Hoping to keep it up even when old enough to ask for a party so looking back can see the effort we made to do something special just for them on their day.

fyn · 13/03/2023 09:34

We had one set of grandparents round and went out to the aquarium and beach for the day. She loved it, I doubt she’d have loved a party!

CatMattress · 13/03/2023 09:38

Just had grandparents over. Turns out it was quite a difficult day for me, lots of birth trauma resurfacing. I was very glad not to have a party to deal with that day. Do what works for you.

Username1234321 · 13/03/2023 09:45

My DD has just turned 3 and still hasn't had a birthday party. I think I will do one next year or maybe wait until she starts school, don't feel guilty a day out the 3 of you will be lovely and she won't even remember it

Ridingfree · 13/03/2023 09:46

We had same issue and lived in a flat, summer birthday

We were lucky with the weather and invited an small group to local park for a picnic, ot was a really lovely day and I'm glad we did it and have some lovely photo memories. Does DD remember it? Absolutely not 😂

Do what works for you

Monstermoomoo · 13/03/2023 09:49

We threw our oldest a 1st birthday party and then didn't bother again until his 4th, which was then cancelled because of Covid. So I personally wouldn't bother! For 2nd and 3rd birthday we went to Peppa Pig world and the zoo respectively. That was way more fun and less stressful! Still saw grandparents the weekend before or after so they could give him presents but that was about it!

riotlady · 13/03/2023 09:55

DD is turning 5 in a few weeks and this will be her first proper party! Previously we have just done a nice trip out and tea with the grandparents.

Hesma · 13/03/2023 09:57

We took my DD to a local farm park for hers and invited grandparents along. It was a great day. YANBU

StopGrowingPlease · 13/03/2023 10:04

For our little ones 1st birthday we went to Blackpool for the weekend and did a cake smash on the beach (just him, me and his dad) and the weekend after we had a little party with 3 of his baby class friends. We didn’t do anything for family as it should be about the birthday child not the feelings of other adults 🤷‍♀️
For his second birthday I am thinking of hiring somewhere but it depends on how many little friends he has at the time 😂

Iminpatchinghell · 13/03/2023 10:07

I’m that annoying person who likes doing parties, but yes, they don’t remember it at 1.
We did a teddy bears picnic in the park. Everyone bought their own food, we supplied drinks, everyone brought a bear and I brought a teddy bear cake. It was lovely and relaxed and the older kids just played games in the park. My DD looks at the pictures now and likes talking about her teddy bear cake, but again doesn’t actually remember it.
Sod everyone else, do what you want to do. There’s plenty of years to do parties.

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 13/03/2023 10:10

I threw one and the stress of it made me miserable. Every one else had a good time though!

ArmchairAnarchist2 · 13/03/2023 10:13

My youngest DC is now 16 and I've thrown some huge Birthday parties and probably spent far too much but none of them ever had a first Birthday party. They don't remember it. I was always lead by what each child wanted.

Hello12345678910 · 13/03/2023 10:17

No, your not being unreasonable.
My baby is 1 in April - I'm not having a party - I'm setting up balloons, doing a cake (and the rest, banners, etc) more for my benefit than his - then we shall spend the day just us 3 x

SpringHexagon · 13/03/2023 10:30

I didn't want a party for my DDs first birthday but DH did, so last Sunday we threw a soft play party with all her cousins and our friends kids.

I HATED EVERY MINUTE!

I spent no time with DD at all, and the whole point of the party was to save everyone coming to the house on her birthday 2 days later. We spent the day out together and later on ended up with a house full of grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins and friends. The party ended up being a waste of time and quite a bit of money.

If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have bothered and I am quite jealous that you are in a position to save yourself 😂😂😂

Maedan · 13/03/2023 10:32

None of my kids had a party until their 4th birthday, absolutely no point before then. On the day when they were younger we just took them to softplay or something else they liked to do at the time. You've years to worry about parties yetb💐

chocolatemademefat · 13/03/2023 10:35

we took DS1 to the zoo and got loads of photographs which are lovely to look back on. The party would mean nothing to your baby and I wouldn’t be stretching myself financially to make it happen for other people.

everyone does things in their own way and that’s how it should be. Have a lovely day when it comes.

iwantchinese · 13/03/2023 10:37

I didn't do a party for my daughters first as i'd only a few weeks before had another baby instead we took them for a weekend away in a caravan as we wanted to go away so it was the perfect excuse :)

Original poster
jug878 · 13/03/2023 10:52

BeastOfBODMAS · 13/03/2023 06:36

We took DD for a day out at an attraction, told people where and when so they could join if they wanted. Only GPs did, fair enough.
She slept through the night for the first time afterwards so it was worth doing!

Ok @BeastOfBODMAS you've sold me 🤣 anything to make her sleep through!

OP posts:
randomuser2019 · 13/03/2023 10:53

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn at the poster's request due to privacy concerns.

CanOfPop · 13/03/2023 10:55

I wish I had done a party for my DDs first we just had cava and a delicious adult type birthday cake. I would have taken some nice photos of DD, but any party should be for the parents and anyone you want to invite to enjoy.

qazxc · 13/03/2023 11:00

I didn't have a party. I made a cake, stuck a few decorations up. We had a tiny front garden with nothing at the back so I put out a ball pit ( small padding pool with balls in). It was just the 3 of us, I hot plenty of photos of her playing, eating her cake.
I have never regretted it, everyone had a good time, no stress, was cheap, nice memories and photos. I wouldn't have done it any other way. The child will not remember the day. Once you have a couple of pics to show them when they are older and for you to remember the day, that's all you need.

monsterradeliciosa · 13/03/2023 11:00

Absolutely not. It's all gone a bit crazy in my opinion. I never had parties for my birthday and I turned out fine. Well, unless you consider not thinking a child needs a party for every birthday is fine.

I had a small gathering for my daughter's 1st, and a cake and some family round.

Our first xmas though we spent alone which is actually one of my fondest memories.

It's just not necessary and a 1 year old will not remember either way. Maybe look at it as you saving all that money for something she will actually remember at a later date?

Sleepygrumpyandnothappy · 13/03/2023 11:01

Honestly you need to toughen up. You’re stressed about a birthday months away? This won’t be the last time someone questions your choices and restrictions as a parent. Either ignore, explain why you’re not throwing a party and move on, or tell them that if they think it’s that important they need to host.

shrimp88 · 13/03/2023 11:01

It didn't occur to me to have a birthday party for my children when they were one. They generally don't enjoy huge noisy gatherings at that age and they won't know it's their birthday anyway. Do something with your one year old that they will enjoy on the day as the celebration should be for them not other people. Tell your relative to find another excuse for a party if they want one.