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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at how people treat their nannies?

153 replies

Bluey124 · 12/03/2023 15:33

Sister in law is one and is very well qualified and experienced.
Yet she has had awful experiences with families.
Them not paying her on time
Nickling and diming.
Parents siding with their kids vile behaviour and letting them be rude to her
Accusing her of stealing.
Not telling her about the kids raging headlice
Leaving dirty dishes piled up in the sink (not kids)
Expecting her to change her schedule at a moments notice or keep days open without paying her.
Why are people so careless with the person who is looking after their kids, persuambly their most precious possessions?

OP posts:
Skinnermarink · 14/03/2023 09:14

@AgeGapBbe can you explain in a little more detail what you mean by your last paragraph ?

TinyTeacher · 14/03/2023 09:15

@Skinnermarink @DessertsForAll of course i don't expect her to clean up after me! She's there to look after the children, why would I want anything to distract her from that? But nor do I have time to make my home look like a show-room or make sure that the dishwasher is always empty. It would never occur to me that would be an issue as I assume nannies are used to working with the reality of homes with toddlers/small children. I guess I do just expect her to put up with a bit of mess as long as it's not in her way

Skinnermarink · 14/03/2023 09:17

That’s what I mean- key is not in her way! Dishwasher emptying is a non issue as long as I’m not always the one to do it.

panacheofveg · 14/03/2023 09:21

@NannyR thanks for that. I have my own dc so travelling wouldn't be an option. I wonder is there such a thing as a live out governess? So 9-5 Mon-Friday type of thing?

Sunnysideup999 · 14/03/2023 09:30

The late pay and accusing of theft are totally unacceptable.
dirty dishes in the sink I’m afraid are a normal part of household life. Not everyone has time to clean up before the nanny arrives. Most people who hire nannies are busy, busy people and the nanny needs to take things as they find them. A nanny is there to make a parents life easier, not harder.
and fretting about whether I left the dishes in the sink for the nanny to find is one thing I don’t have time to worry about.

Fedupfatandfrumpy · 14/03/2023 09:45

We were on holiday in Abu Dhabi last year and a nanny for a famous footballer's kids often shared the pool with us as the kids didn't want to play in their private pool. She didn't say who she worked for but we all knew as would see the parents at breakfast. They had 1 nanny for 4 kids, expected the nanny to look after the children of visiting friends. She was given 24 hrs notice of the 6 week holiday and had nothing holiday appropriate as we had just come out of Covid so had to buy basics like swimming costumes etc and she was paid her wages late. Yes she probably shouldn't have shared any of this info but it wasn't done maliciously, she was very stressed as she had only taken this job a few weeks prior after nursing her sick husband therefore needed the money to pay for things like a local SIM card so she could call home. I was shocked.

AgeGapBbe · 14/03/2023 09:53

@Skinnermarink which bit is confusing? There’s a known attitude if ‘they pay the cleaner £18 per hour, why do I only get £14 when I look after their most precious possessions’, when cleaners like gardeners move from job to job through the day, with no pay as they travel, no sick or holiday pay etc. Of course they’re paid more than someone there full time with all of those benefits.

WitchesCauldron · 14/03/2023 09:57

Rapapampam · 14/03/2023 06:35

Compared to the long working hours nannies don’t earn that much. And that’s the other thing; parents whining how childcare is so expensive. What did they expect? That someone will look after their demanding children 12 hours a day for peanuts? Most parents want a perfect nanny who works from the crack of dawn till 7-8 pm tirelessly but these parents are reluctant to take on all the responsibility of an employer. And they are so cheeky. They often advertise they want a junior nanny (to pay her less) but actually want someone who does everything a fully fledged nanny does. Most people who employ a nanny are rich but often they are the stingiest. They live in massive houses spread over several floors, they have two cars, maybe a second home in the countryside, their children all go to expensive private schools, they holiday abroad 3-4 times a year, get £100.000 bonuses at Christmas, yet pay the least amount of money they can to the nanny. No thank you!
You’ll get parents who are different but those are rare.

Show quote history

I also have found unscrupulous Nanny agencies who want to take advantage. One in particular ( large chain) wanted me to work for a 3 hour trial period for a family for FREE. When I queried it they said they don't pay trial periods... so you'd work for nothing would you, with no definite prospect of a job at the end??? I wrote a strongly worded email stating that I was a professional with bags of experience and even fast food restaurants pay for trial periods. What an almighty piss take. It doesn't set a respectful tone from day 1 when agencies exploit and don't respect Nannies either.

Skinnermarink · 14/03/2023 10:06

AgeGapBbe · 14/03/2023 09:53

@Skinnermarink which bit is confusing? There’s a known attitude if ‘they pay the cleaner £18 per hour, why do I only get £14 when I look after their most precious possessions’, when cleaners like gardeners move from job to job through the day, with no pay as they travel, no sick or holiday pay etc. Of course they’re paid more than someone there full time with all of those benefits.

No it’s not confusing, I just don’t agree. There are many reasons why (good) nannies deserve thé going rate (£18ph where I am) I can’t fathom why you think it’s ok to pay them less than other professionals offering a service. I’m certainly not going to work for a lower rate just because I’m entitled to holiday pay, I have my own financial commitments to meet.

Believe me I earn my wage.

ladykale · 14/03/2023 10:13

AgeGapBbe · 14/03/2023 09:53

@Skinnermarink which bit is confusing? There’s a known attitude if ‘they pay the cleaner £18 per hour, why do I only get £14 when I look after their most precious possessions’, when cleaners like gardeners move from job to job through the day, with no pay as they travel, no sick or holiday pay etc. Of course they’re paid more than someone there full time with all of those benefits.

A full time job is different to someone doing something for 3 hours.

Same reason contractors often get paid more than full time employee...

Employee gets holiday and other paid benefits, while a cleaner doesn't.

Not comparable

ladykale · 14/03/2023 10:15

Skinnermarink · 14/03/2023 07:01

I’m a nanny who had a baby. I certainly didn’t ‘expect’ to take him to work with me but it’s very difficult to fit nanny hours around being a parent. As it is I bring him with me on just one short day, I work 12 hour days on three others while he’s at nursery/with his dad. So I get two days in a week with him but the other hours are stupidly long and I don’t see him. I live for thé weekends in all honesty to see him properly but I get a LOT of requests for evening and weekend work or switching my days around because it suits them better that week. A lot of that employ nannies don’t ideally like them to have small children of their own.

Isn't this the issue everyone with a job has though..?

Conkersinautumn · 14/03/2023 10:17

As a carer, people seem to despise the person they pay to provide support and love. Maybe it's because they are resentful or guilty but mostly because they only respect money I find.

Skinnermarink · 14/03/2023 10:18

No? Many jobs have more family friendly hours, don’t expect weekend or late evening work and allow holiday at times of your choosing? All this things were manageable to an extent before but it can be challenging with you have your own small child.

I am at a crossroads with nannying in all honesty but it’s what I’m qualified for nothing would persuade me to go into teaching.

Skinnermarink · 14/03/2023 10:19

Sorry that was to @ladykale

Theelephantinthecastle · 14/03/2023 10:21

Skinnermarink · 14/03/2023 10:06

No it’s not confusing, I just don’t agree. There are many reasons why (good) nannies deserve thé going rate (£18ph where I am) I can’t fathom why you think it’s ok to pay them less than other professionals offering a service. I’m certainly not going to work for a lower rate just because I’m entitled to holiday pay, I have my own financial commitments to meet.

Believe me I earn my wage.

Show quote history

But not all professionals get the same?

An electrician is going to get a higher hourly rate than a gardener. Your family might pay you less per hour than they do their accountant for doing their tax return. Every job has a different market rate

At least you get more per hour than a junior doctor..

Skinnermarink · 14/03/2023 10:22

Yeah I understand all that. The nanny that made the comment reckoned nannies should be happy with a rate of £14 which is nowhere near the professional going rate.

AgeGapBbe · 14/03/2023 10:31

@Skinnermarink thats not what I said, I was using it as an example. But £14phn is not actually a bad wage for a nanny- it’s more than some of my friends were on, and more than what I was on until my new job started at Christmas time.
We’re not entitled to earn more because we feel like we want or need it, or because our bosses have a lot of money. We have to live within our means like everyone does. I see this attitude a lot and it’s not cool.

Skinnermarink · 14/03/2023 10:36

I don’t know, there are some families I’ve worked for where I’ve absolutely felt they should be paying a higher wage to get the amount of flexibility they require- one I worked for paid per hour but I didn’t have an official finish time- it was just when one of them got home- whether that be 7pm, 9pm or whatever. I was young and naive but even I could see that they needed to be paying a lot per hour to get someone to work to those conditions. It meant I could never plan to do anything with my evening!

AgeGapBbe · 14/03/2023 10:41

Yeah well that’s appalling!

my second ever nanny job was a share and I didn’t know I was meant to be on more money for that, so I got the same as I had done for my first family. They were lovely people but I felt they took advantage a bit.

DessertsForAll · 14/03/2023 10:42

Except people providing childcare for 3 hours don't get a lot more per hour. Childcare is low paid always because it is seen as women's work.

And if you are rich you would think you would pay more to get the best.

Nickel and diming means being really mean with your employees. So not letting them make tea and coffee from the employers stuff but making them bring their own drinks to work. People who pull this kind of shit are always terrible employers.

Skinnermarink · 14/03/2023 10:46

@AgeGapBbe also £14 net ph is not a bad wage, no. I was thinking in gross. I never talk net anymore. Leads to people trying to cook the books in my experience - as in they want to pay up to the tax threshold then cash on top. The prospective employers that suggested the above were an actual Lord and Lady with a huge country mansion.

pansiesinmygarden · 14/03/2023 11:11

Somebodiesmother · 12/03/2023 16:30

You are being unreasonable to be surprised yes. People who can afford to employ other people to do domestic work very often treat them like crap, this is well known.

🙄

DessertsForAll · 14/03/2023 11:44

There are exceptions, but it is common to treat nannies like crap, not rare. Most start off fine, and then as the parents get used to you they start taking you for granted. They start thinking if they are busy and tired, putting off paying you is fine as it is only a day or two. Or it doesn't matter if they are late home as it is only 20 minutes. And if they lose anything, it is always you who must have stolen it.
And nearly all have hidden cameras, even if they say they do not. Spycams are very cheap nowadays. One reason I always took them out tov the park and similar for most of the day.

ParentsTrapped · 14/03/2023 12:09

DessertsForAll · 14/03/2023 11:44

There are exceptions, but it is common to treat nannies like crap, not rare. Most start off fine, and then as the parents get used to you they start taking you for granted. They start thinking if they are busy and tired, putting off paying you is fine as it is only a day or two. Or it doesn't matter if they are late home as it is only 20 minutes. And if they lose anything, it is always you who must have stolen it.
And nearly all have hidden cameras, even if they say they do not. Spycams are very cheap nowadays. One reason I always took them out tov the park and similar for most of the day.

We’ve had nannies for 5 years and this is completely alien to me. Perhaps because I am a lawyer but I would absolutely never pay my nanny late or film her without her consent. If I didn’t trust someone enough to do their job without filming them I would not be employing them to look after my baby!

There have been a handful of times when I’ve been home unexpectedly late (because of transport delays or overrunning meetings) in the last 5 years (so nanny has had to stay beyond her agreed time) and without exception she has been paid for the time at her overtime rate and also either started later the next day or left earlier.

Obviously there are bad people (and so bad employers) everywhere but I doubt it’s the case that the majority of nanny employers are bad people. It’s common sense that you want to treat the people who look after your kids well surely?!

Firefly2023 · 14/03/2023 13:11

The UK equivalent of 'nickel and diming' is 'penny pinching'.

If you want someone to help around the home as well as offer childcare, just employ a mother's help rather than a nanny. I have employed both over the years and when I had a nanny, I also had a cleaner three mornings a week. Employing both meant my issue was then constantly having to resolve petty conflicts between the nanny and the cleaner.