To be shocked at how people treat their nannies?

[Bluey124]

Sister in law is one and is very well qualified and experienced.
Yet she has had awful experiences with families.
Them not paying her on time
Nickling and diming.
Parents siding with their kids vile behaviour and letting them be rude to her
Accusing her of stealing.
Not telling her about the kids raging headlice
Leaving dirty dishes piled up in the sink (not kids)
Expecting her to change her schedule at a moments notice or keep days open without paying her.
Why are people so careless with the person who is looking after their kids, persuambly their most precious possessions?

I wake up early to go to work too. Earlier than the parents, since they leave once I arrive from my commute. Once I’m at work, I don’t particularly want to have to mop up after them before I can sort the children, which is what I am paid to do. It’s good manners on their part.

I might leave my own dishes of a night on occasion but I don’t have a professional coming into my home to work. Between two parents there’s not a huge number of excuses to leave mess lying around for someone else to sort out.

Likewise, I’ve never left mess for the parents to sort out after I’ve gone home for the day.

Ridiculous expectations 😂

If it happens once in a while for a good reason (emergency, sick child etc) and the parent is apologetic and tells you that they will sort it out when they get home - not a problem, I would probably sort out the mess for them if I had some free time.
The situation I'm talking about was where this mess was left every Monday morning for several weeks, no explanation, no good reason, school age children who could have helped their parents wash up/empty the dishwasher, and it was just expected that I would sort it out. That's not on - I'm employed to look after the children not as a housekeeper.
I clear up my mess when I've used the kitchen and I expect parents to do the same. Would you be happy if your nanny left you all the dishes and pans to sort out from the children's dinner because she was exhausted?

I’m a nanny employer. I might leave the odd glass, or sometimes something soaking on the side (that I don’t expect to be washed for me, by the way) but I wouldn’t dream of leaving a sink full of dishes.

Imagine arriving at your desk to find it covered in rubbish and you had to clean it before you could start work.

A Dad I worked with left his breakfast bowl on the table EVERY day, half finished and milk spilt over the table. I left it for him/his wife every day. Cleaned up after the children and left his mess 😁
He stopped me using their spare car as I would not wipe his crap up. I did not care. Plenty of friends with cars!

What would be the uk equivalent of nickle and diming'?
'two peeing and 10 pencing' ?😀

YANBU. I assume it’s the power that goes to their heads? For most parents a nanny is the only time they’ll have someone 100% working for them.

I have a relative who I always thougt lovely but then she got a nanny and now she literally drops litter on the floor, including used nappies, and expects the nanny to pick it up, it’s shocking and so sad to see. And she rearranges hours at zero notice and just assumes the nanny will do whatever she’s told.

Definitely brings out the worst side of people.

<off to google what on earth this nickel and dime thingy is>

The parent philosophy is often that they want the nanny to work for every penny she earns and they want her to work every single minute she earns a penny for. There are times during the day when a nanny has not a lot to do for 1/2 hour or so, and she sits down with a cup of tea and most parents don’t like it. So they “create” additional tasks for her such as unwashed plates, things on the floor etc..only to justify paying her a full wage. Believe me, there are parents like this. A house can be absolutely spotless, yet they will find something for their employees to do, so they won’t sit around idle. It is exacerbated by the fact that a lot of parents now work from home and can monitor their staff. And staff hate this because they can never relax.

I have to say, the pandemic pushing the parents to work from home long term almost made me quit nannying. I don’t like it at all, it’s just not the same.

@DigitalTranny yes- the people I worked for made me keep a diary and I constantly had to be posting in it what I was doing, what the kids were doing etc. I only nannied the once for 5 months and it was a very long 5 months!!!! However I did make sure I posted in there'went out to buy food, as there was none in the house' !! Lol

I was a nanny and had a great family. Stayed for years. But before starting, I had a call asking me to work immediately for people I knew while they searched for a FT nanny . Unbelievable expectations! Expected me to clean bedrooms , do laundry. Of course , I just said No and then left the next day. Crazy to treat people in charge of your kids with anything except total respect.

That’s why I quit nannying! And parents are surprised why there aren’t enough nannies to choose from. Well, if they sit in the house all day and can see/hear everything, are monitoring the staff and interfering, of course nobody wants to be subjected to that kind of shit. Plus the kids become really whiny and difficult to handle when they know mummy and daddy are there.

It’s the ‘oh I’ll be around to ‘help’ at dinner, bath or bedtime or whatever that drives me nuts! If you want to do those things, great, send me home, or let me get on with it, please don’t think you’re being helpful 🤣. Tempted to go into my boss’s home office and say ‘I’ll be around this afternoon to give you a hand with those reports, Fiona’

The kids side of stuff is lovely. I have loved lots or the children I've cared for like they are my own. It's normally the parents that are the issue. If you're tough and can stand up for yourself do it ! You need a lot of emotional intelligence to navigate the family dynamic especially now so many people work from home.

I worked as a nanny for 10 years, and all 5 of my families were lovely.

The only problems I've ever had were them being last home, that used to wind me up! Think I've been incredibly lucky though and am still in touch with all of them and the oldest are now in their 30s.

I think part of the problem is that a lot of people want a nanny but don't want to be an employer, and are often quite taken aback at the responsibilities they have as an employer (despite often commanding and expecting better conditions from their own employer). I always find the 'my nanny is pregnant' or 'my nanny is sick' threads on MN fascinating but horrible - all these women who consider themselves very progressive suddenly are aghast at the very concept of worker's rights if it's them who has to 'pay someone to do nothing'.

It’s fairly common for a nanny to keep the kids bedroom clean and do their laundry though? It was certainly a term
in the pro forma contract we got from the nanny agency. As it happens we don’t ask ours to do any laundry but we do expect her to (help the kids to) keep their play areas tidy.

If you’re talking about cleaning other areas of the house/other people’s laundry then yeah that’s a different thing.

@Hardbackwriter but I think it goes the other way too - e.g. nannies assuming that they can bring their baby to the job after maternity leave (often expecting the same pay) which no other employee would expect.

It's just a strange dynamic generally to navigate

This is petty of you when your employer is paying you what I'm sure is a lot of money!

Without a nanny I regularly rush eating cereal and leave my bowl on the table as I run to get the tube.

On a WFH day I would obviously clear it as I'm not rushing but on a day I'm in the office it would get left.

I would be v annoyed if a nanny made a point of leaving that one bowl. Very ridiculous

Would yo expect your accountant to wash up your cereal bowl if they were working at your home? What about your gardener? Or tradespeople?

Nannies are not housemaids.

But it illustrates the issue. People expect all sorts from nannies they would not expect from anyone else they are hiring.

I expect that nice Mr Rees-Mogg could enlighten us.

It's a bit different though - the nanny is likely to load the dishwasher with the kids' dishes so one more bowl is pretty minor whereas the electrician probably isn't going anywhere near there.

I can totally understand being annoyed if the family is leaving you lots of mess but making a stand about one bowl seems ridiculous.

At the end of the day, a successful arrangement is going to be about give and take for both sides - if you are pretty about this sort of thing, your employer is likely to then not be interested in being flexible when you need it.

And nannies frequently expect things that other employees don't get like bringing their baby/children to work.

Tidying an occasional plate/ bowl/cup isn’t a problem.

The problem is when the nanny is expected to repeatedly tidy up after their boss on a daily basis

The whole WFH parents thing is exhausting. They undermine, leave stuff around, find endless tasks to keep the nanny busy. They forget the nanny doesn’t get a lunch break. Or any breaks during the day.