To be shocked at how people treat their nannies?

[Bluey124]

Sister in law is one and is very well qualified and experienced.
Yet she has had awful experiences with families.
Them not paying her on time
Nickling and diming.
Parents siding with their kids vile behaviour and letting them be rude to her
Accusing her of stealing.
Not telling her about the kids raging headlice
Leaving dirty dishes piled up in the sink (not kids)
Expecting her to change her schedule at a moments notice or keep days open without paying her.
Why are people so careless with the person who is looking after their kids, persuambly their most precious possessions?

I’ll be run off my feet all day but you can guarantee the very moment I pick up my phone or sit down with a coffee if I have a quiet five minutes one of the parents will appear and I look idle!

I've been a nanny for over 30 years. People were treating their nannies like shit back then and still do now. Difference is, now I'm older, I'm less likely to take that shit.

You've all got me worried!

My house is definitely not perfect at the nanny arrives! She comes during the chaos of breakfast time. There will be some dirty dishes in the dishwasher and it's very likely my daughter's plate and cup will be on the counter. There will CERTAINLY be toys on the floor of the playroom (toddlers tend to get something out while I'm doing hair for eldest). There will be piles of clean laundry in the laundry room as i sort it in the evenings but don't want to wake people up to put it away and certainly dont have time in the morning.

Honestly, I have never thought these would be an issue for our nanny! It's not like there's clean laundry all over the sitting room, but nor is it hidden as she's goes in that room to get dry trousers sometimes (Potty training going slooooowwwwly). Does that sort of thing really bother people?

@TinyTeacher It bothers nannies if you expect her to tidy it all up.

@TinyTeacher as long things are quite clear that it’s not your nanny’s job to sort it all out. Obviously breakfast time can be chaotic and there’s mess to clean up I can deal with that, but if there’s already stuff from the night before, or there’s adult’s laundry in the way of things so I can’t get to do the children’s things then it’s an issue.

Yanbu, this is why I have a housekeeper / nanny. She does all housekeeping including deep cleaning until my dc gets home from school. She also does the school run. I have a very, very high needs 4m old and really needed an extra pair of hands. There are times there's not much to do and I always encourage her to take a break/ a walk if she wants.

Maybe different for you. But my experience of what in reality is cleaner/nanny positions is that the emphasis is always on the cleaning to the detriment of the nanny role.

There are some massive assumptions on this thread. Just because you employ a nanny does not mean you look down on them, treat them badly, think of them as beneath you or any of the other tropes trotted it.

yes, some people are arseholes and treat people badly but it’s a bit of a sweeping statement to say all people are like that who hire nannies.

our nanny is amazing, we treat her as part of the family. I definitely support her when my children’s behaviour is not at its best and have made it clear to them that they treat her with respect. She is not there to constantly clear up after them she is there to help them and look after them. There is give and take on both sides and flexibility for her when she needs it.

I wish I could work for you @IAmADancer . I've worked for some terrible families who always excused their kids poor behaviour, never paid me on time and who I had to quit on just before Christmas because I couldn't mentally take anymore. Has put me off nannying roles hence why I am a nursery nurse for the time being.

Yes yes yes yes yes YES to this!!!! I'm internally screaming 'Go AWAY or let ME go!!' whenever the parents are under my feet. It drives me bonkers the way they'll give a (perfectly content) toddle the dummy I've put aside for the day etc. The worst is when they want to lie on the sofa on their phone and they expect you to keep the little one occupied in the same room. It makes me want to growl.

@NurseryNurse10 im sorry you have been treated appalling by previous employers. I hope you can find a nanny role where you are appreciated.

In these current times I think I'd have to be a nanny for a while before I could actually afford one.

I was a live in nanny/housekeeper. I had two terrible jobs. One job was so bad I had to leave in the middle of the night. My friends jobs weren’t as bad, but none of us read got treated with respect.

Compared to the long working hours nannies don’t earn that much. And that’s the other thing; parents whining how childcare is so expensive. What did they expect? That someone will look after their demanding children 12 hours a day for peanuts? Most parents want a perfect nanny who works from the crack of dawn till 7-8 pm tirelessly but these parents are reluctant to take on all the responsibility of an employer. And they are so cheeky. They often advertise they want a junior nanny (to pay her less) but actually want someone who does everything a fully fledged nanny does. Most people who employ a nanny are rich but often they are the stingiest. They live in massive houses spread over several floors, they have two cars, maybe a second home in the countryside, their children all go to expensive private schools, they holiday abroad 3-4 times a year, get £100.000 bonuses at Christmas, yet pay the least amount of money they can to the nanny. No thank you!
You’ll get parents who are different but those are rare.

I’m a nanny who had a baby. I certainly didn’t ‘expect’ to take him to work with me but it’s very difficult to fit nanny hours around being a parent. As it is I bring him with me on just one short day, I work 12 hour days on three others while he’s at nursery/with his dad. So I get two days in a week with him but the other hours are stupidly long and I don’t see him. I live for thé weekends in all honesty to see him properly but I get a LOT of requests for evening and weekend work or switching my days around because it suits them better that week. A lot of that employ nannies don’t ideally like them to have small children of their own.

Sadly not surprised, wrong as it is.

Same people probably unpleasant to retail workers, hotel staff, for example.

@Skinnermarink my point is really that it can't be all one way. If the nanny is going to take the "that bowl is not in my contract, you're not treating me like a normal employee" attitude, they might find the employer is then going to say "well fine you can't bring your baby to work either because that's not a normal employee thing to do".

It isn't comparable to a "normal" employee job, it's going to be a bit different - both sides need to get benefits from the arrangement.

TBH Mumsnet really put me off the idea of a nanny because of some of the stuff in this thread - I wouldn't want someone in my home every day who stewed over a bowl, internally criticised my parenting, viewed any pay negotiation as horrible because I went on holidays, kept track of my (definitely not £100k bonus).

No idea what this means.

There are nannies who don’t mind putting dirty dishes away, not all of them resent this. But you have to discuss these things during the interview. Generally, don’t be a dick with the nanny and don’t expect her to do things that weren’t agreed on initially.

I think a lot of nannies take on jobs that don’t sound that good anyway, because there are not a lot of good nanny jobs around. But they often just have to take something because you can’t be too choosy and can’t wait for months for the ideal job to pop up.

Don't want to derail, but I'm looking for a career change. Does a nanny/teacher role exist? And if so how much would the pay per hour be?

I've seen governess jobs advertised on nanny agency websites - these tend to be with high net worth families in London or overseas.

an example of a governess job
Good pay, but a lot of hours and travel and no work/life balance.

Ive worked in Moscow as a governess- 45 hours a week at £1200 a week. I did it for 4 months as that’s all I could take- I had NO life outside working, I lived in staff accommodation on a gated complex miles from the centre, and you had to get a driver to take you anywhere but of course they were always on call for the family so very rarely did you get to leave. It was the dead of winter at the time and was pretty depressing.

Good governess jobs do exist though, and I see a fair few advertised in central London.

I’ve generally been pretty lucky, have only had one ‘awful family’ as I call them. I don’t mind some extra washing up- I’m doing it all anyway and the parents are busy. I don’t like filth though- adult poos/wees left in the toilet I use is grim, pets not toilet trained and parents going ‘oh dear, another accident! Lol’ yeah… not so funny. Parents WFH need to stay completely out of the way if they have to be there- but office every day is much preferred.

I don’t mind staying late sometimes, or being asked to babysit last minute- if I can, then I will. I’ll do odd bits of making, mending etc in my evenings at home if that suits me better, I don’t mind. But if I ask for odd hours off occasionally for appointments or to finish early for special occasion etc then I expect to get them, this job is a lot more inflexible than most in that sense. There’s also a huge amount of give, take and tolerance with this job.

Nannies shouldn’t expect to be paid as much as ‘one off’ specialist employees like gardeners and often cleaners too- anyone who thinks they should be is an idiot, and I have met many very questionable nannies in my 17 years of work.