to ask dh to take all 4 kids out?

[Sertralina]

We have 4 kids all very young still.

He goes away for work a few times a year for a week. On his "work" trips he also takes the opportunity to have a few nights out, meet friends and family and have a bit of a social blow out (all paid for on expenses). I'm 100% fine with this. If I was working and had the opportunity I'd dot the same, and I'd rather he got it out his system. Although it IS technically work it's also a really nice time, usually his work have paid for some fancy events and parties as well so he often gets a posh hotel and nice dinners etc.

HOWEVER I am at home alone with 4 kids, it's hard work and by the time he's home I'm knackered and running on empty. He usually arrives home on a Saturday.

AIBU to expect him to at least take the kids out on the Sunday so I get a break, and for him to put his needs second today?

I've asked him (a week ago) to take them all out today and let me have a day off. He replied with "yeh I'll take them to park for a couple hours" to which I said um no, take them somewhere for the whole day. I want a full day off. If I can have them all for a week on my own he can surely manage 1 single day. Its 11am and although he has reluctantly agreed, he's now decided he's taking a shower. So then the kids will need lunch....so they won't be leaving till this afternoon.

Surely it's not so much to ask for him to of got them up and out this morning so I can have a proper break. I've not showered since the night before he left...but he's been in a hotel on his own for a week and presumably had a nice relaxing shower daily....I just feel very resentful that I'm sat looking after the kids while he has another shower so he can finally go out with the children, presumable after I've made everyone lunch.

AIBU to expect more of him and to be angry about this?

If it’s too difficult for him, he needs to get help from another pair of hands. Friend, relative, childminder. OP manages fine

How come that applies to OP but not to her husband? They’re his kids too. Does it annoy you that some men have multiple children and then don’t even look after them for one day?

Have you chosen to have 4 kids?

OH if he's family nearby then he can definitely crack on.

I don't think it's unreasonable of you to prefer that he take them all out for the whole day to do something enriching rather than popping out for a few hours or putting them in front of the tv.

I can also understand why you feel like resting at home after looking after four young children on your own for long periods of time.

However, he doesn't want to take them out all day, and while you're focusing on what he'll be doing and where he'll be doing it, you're not getting the respite you need.

Looking after four kids when he doesn't do it very often will probably be an intimidating prospect for him, and you're making his avoidance of it more likely by insisting he does it outdoors for long periods of time. Everywhere's packed on a Sunday; when things go awry, he'll have a large audience.

At the moment, you seem to be cutting off your nose to spite your face. Do you want respite from this or something else?

If it's respite, you need to get ready and out of the house early, stay out all day, and let him get on with looking after his children the way he wants to.

Whoever was the one who pushed for 4 kids should. There’s a reason most of us have 1 or 2. Can’t think of anything worse. Then you’ll have 4 teens. Good luck!

"I don't think its fair to expect him to have them on his own all day"

Is this a joke?? She's had them on her own all week* *

Haven't RTFT... I think it's totally reasonable to expect your DH to look after the kids all day. But not to have to remove them from the house all day.

Let him decide how he's going to do that - what combination of going out and staying in. Ideally he should let you know in advance what the rough plan is so you can have the house to yourself for part of the day if that is what you want. When the family is at home, you can be out.

I would not like to be told I HAD to be out of the house the entire day with kids. That's hard, and it isn't necessary given that it's possible for them to spend part of the day at home while you are out.

I have noticed a common theme on here that the bigger families tend to have a SAHM and a working away dad. Is it that the dads are more willing to have more children when they have less responsibility?

Yes maybe that’s it. The only family I know with 4 had twins second time. Just sounds exhausting. You must really really love doing childcare I guess!

He isn't being asked to do it very often, it's a one off to give OP a break. If he's got family to visit locally it really shouldn't be a big deal.

Next time you be the one to disappear!

Book a hotel for the Saturday evening. Enjoy a long leisurely breakfast alone in the morning and then arrange to meet friends during the day.

Return home in the evening.

I wouldn't normally encourage such tit for tat behaviour because working is also hard.

But you've asked for an odd day a few times a year and he's not willing so you need to take matters into your own hands

Yanbu and you shouldn't have to take yourself out, surely the point is you get to relax at home for the day have a nap etc. Sorry you haven't had the day to you op

Seeing it from your point of view-you must be absolutely exhausted, and in real need of a break, but seeing it from your husband's point of view-he has been away all week with work (presumably to provide for his family) then come back and being told it's his turn to mind the kids while you have a day off AND he can't even chose how/where to do it from....it's a bit unreasonable. I would say take the rest of the day off away from the house and let him get on with the kids and the house.

I know if I’d been working away all week the last thing I’d want to be doing is being out the house all day, I’d want to be spending time with my Oh and children, relaxing and enjoying time together as a family.

if this was a man coming on expecting his wife to have the children out all day the replies would be so different.

Tell him that every time he takes one of his week-long trips, you get 8 hours of alone time the next day. At home.

So, when he plans a trip, he plans the day out, too. Tickets to whatever if necessary, or make plans with grandparents. He leaves by 10am. Gets back by, say, 6. No earlier. Door will be deadbolted, furniture piled against it, etc.

If he cannot do this, you will be checking yourself into a hotel for a week and he can see what it's like.

Then follow through.

I've got 4 but well spread out so no 4 very little ones which makes a big difference.

Sorry op I’m with the others, I think it’s reasonable to want some you time but wholly unreasonable to demand everyone leaves the house

if you want a day off you need to go out.

A week? You do understand she likely doesn’t work and he does. And he is away for work, not on bloody holiday. This must be the most unreasonable response ever. 😂

like you win the internet.

Tell him that every time he takes one of his week-long trips, you get 8 hours of alone time the next day. At home.

Every time he goes away for work so she can be a SAHP? That seems a bit extreme.

Particularly if you had been away all week sans kids on a jolly while your wife had been alone looking after your 4 kids? I’m convinced that only a cunt would think that way.

What is this idea that being a SAHP of 4 kids isn’t work?? It’s not paid work, sure, but it’s still bloody hard work! Far harder than a job that involves fancy dinners and lots of nights out! And OP should be getting credit for saving their family unit childcare costs for 4 children! If she wasn’t doing what she is doing I wonder if OP’s DH would still be able to live it up.

I didn't think yabu in expecting I'm to know how to care for and entertain his own kids for 6 hours.

Next time, I'd be inclined to book a full day at a spar. Leave at 9, home by 6.

But why haven't you showered in a week? You have at least two at school, so even if they're all such terrible sleepers that you sleep exactly fro mthe last one going down to the first one getting up, put the smalls in the bath whilst you shower or let them play in the bathroom. It isn't going to be a 3 he grooming shower but you can get clean and give your hair a quick wash, it'll make you feel less like you're the only one who doesn't matter.

Exactly. He knows how their made. If OP breaks her leg tomorrow and spends a month in hospital, should he shove them into Foster care @Viviennemary for a month because he, poor owner of penis, cannot possibly look after all those kids she gave birth to?? Dear lord. We only have 3, but that Inc's twins and the older one with medical issues. DH works office hours and then I sometimes volunteer all weekend so I drop them to him on his way home Friday and get home to my dinner cooked Sunday. He has no help. It's almost like he just parents them like a grown up!

I think the issue is that they both work hard during the week. OP at home. Him via employment.

OP has however decided that his weekly contribution is a big jolly, and only her work is hard. They both work hard during the week.

Then it's the weekend. OP wants a day off from the children, and for DH to do it, because that's what she does all week. So, why is she not working that day, because that's what he does all week. And apparently that's him having a break from the children. Otherwise he's working 5 weekdays and one weekend day, and OP is only working 5 weekdays. (On the basis that on the Saturday they actually do things together)