Potential lodger has been logging on website - is she going to be flakey

[Tricktracey]

I’ve got a spare room and she’s supposed to be moving in, in two weeks.

I’be noticed she logged into the website 9 hours ago and also a few times over the past week. I don’t check everyday but yesterday she logged in three days ago.

I haven’t taken a deposit…. but do you think she’s going to flake out?

What’s the most likely explanation? I reckon it’s that she’s logging in to show friends or family where she’s going to live. Or she forgot details and logged back in to have a look. Or she’s logging in and looking at rooms for friends who are looking for somewhere to live. Or she’s telepathic and is doing it to fuck with you.

I don’t even know why you’re monitoring this let alone trying to figure out why.

This is going to end well.

If I'd arranged to let a room I'd expect my new landlord to take a deposit, give me some kind of agreement and arrange a good move in date. If I'd not had any of that, I'd begin to wonder if the landlord was a bit flakey! 😊

If you usually ask for a deposit why didn't you this time?

Would you have taken one if she had offered?

Perhaps she is checking that you haven't relisted?

Honestly? If you didn't give me a solid move in date, didn't require any documents signed or a deposit, I'd think you're going to be flakey and dodgy. You never know if she's seeing you logged in all the time and thinking the same thing.
You sound really strange tbh.

Insist on the deposit

Exactly

Oh dear. Of course you’re being unreasonable. And she is the vulnerable one as a potential lodger with no contract, not you! Why would you search for another potential lodger and not just… speak to her!? Ask her when she’s going to move in and send her a contract!! She probably notices you logging in and thinks you’re going to flake on her! You might both be logging on only to stalk each other. Just communicate.

So you’re a very suspicious person by nature and bad with boundaries? Maybe getting a lodger isn’t such a good idea.

shes being incredibly sensible.
shes logging in making sure your places isnt suddenly back on the market.could you be looking for the best cnadidate still?
or shes simply just looking out of interest. how many of us in our homes old or new still view property sites. houses where we live or houeses far away.doesnt mean we are moving out of our right away!
she doing her due diligance. she doesnt no whats going to happen until shes tucked up in bed in your house.
how can you blame this girl for perhaps being cautious when your doing the exact same thing

she might even just be getting automatic notificiations still and is clicking through out of interest. why shouldnt she.

but putting all this aside this relationship isnt starting well. and i think perhaps this girl needs to find some where else. it wont work well between the both of you. and you or she will end up hurt in all this.
if you treat her like youve come across on this thread its going to be so uncomfortable for her

Which website?

I'm on this one umpteen times day and I'm not fl- . . . ., oh, wait . . . .

Omg hope she backs out. Your behaviour is weird and stalkerish and what's worse is you won't listen to anybody on here

I cant think of a reason why she’s be logging in if not looking at other properties, so she probably is. Most simple answer is usually the right one.

unfortunately you didn’t property yourself by way of a deposit and she is entitled to find the best possible home (which is why you should have take a deposit - but you acknowledge this).

Its two weeks, not long in the grand scheme of things, so hopefully she still thinks yours is the best place at the end of those two weeks. If not, you’re learned a hard lesson.

Yes, not sure who’s the flaky one here😁

The best thing to do is to speak to her as soon as possible.

How did you decide between you that no specific date was arranged or deposit taken?

As this is Mumsnet it will be deemed perfectly reasonable that she has absolutely no commitment to you, whilst you must hold the room for her at all costs. There is some logic in that of course in that you might miss out on a few weeks rent, but she could end up homeless.

I don’t know why you haven’t made any formal arrangements or taken a deposit, but it’s not too late to ask for this. If you didn’t take a deposit because she couldn’t afford it that might be a bigger red flag. What will happen if she still doesn’t have funds when she turns up on moving in day?

Was she the one who asked for such an unsatisfactory arrangement? If so and you agreed to something like this how on Earth are you going to deal with everyday landlord/lodger situations once she has moved in? Are you sure that taking on a lodger is the right thing for you?

You need to get some commitment from her. If she is unwilling to give this to secure the room at this stage then you have your answer and can let her know that you can no longer hold the room open for her. She is by far the most vulnerable one in this situation, but she can’t have everything her way.

In future the best practice is to make it very clear that there is no commitment on either side until a formal agreement has been made.

Just talk to her!

She could be logging on for a million reasons. Checking out places for her friend, idly browsing etc. I look at Rightmove most days because my stepson is house hunting.

You are catastrophising.

Next you will be stalking her social media

She's probably just excited about the move and checking it out on the website.

Are you bad with your own boundaries and let people take liberties, or do you have no respect for the boundaries of others and will trample all over them?

And you think SHE is flakey?!?!

you have agreed to let the room to her, you can't go letting it to someone else because YOU didn't ask for a deposit.

maybe she's just replying to notifications too.

contact her, confirm the date, ask for a deposit.

If you’re wondering whether she’s definitely moving in why don’t you just message and ask her?

Do OP, what did your potential loger say when you asked her to confirm her plans?

I do think your behaviour is more unreasonable/flaky than hers tbh!

By the sounds of it she's doing the right thing to continue checking, you've said you might contact someone else on there when you know her lease is about to end. No money has exchanged hands so neither of you are tied in, I'd carry on looking too in this situation so i have a plan b if this falls through, she will have nowhere to go by the sounds of it. To be honest if I found out you were monitoring my online activity on the website I'd decline your room anyway, I'd be thinking are you some weirdo with boundary issues who will be monitoring me closely when I move in too?

Maybe she doesn’t trust that your room won’t fall through so she’s keeping an eye on what else is out there just incase…I can see why tbh