Potential lodger has been logging on website - is she going to be flakey

[Tricktracey]

I’ve got a spare room and she’s supposed to be moving in, in two weeks.

I’be noticed she logged into the website 9 hours ago and also a few times over the past week. I don’t check everyday but yesterday she logged in three days ago.

I haven’t taken a deposit…. but do you think she’s going to flake out?

Can you message asking for a date for move in?

Can't you just communicate with them? What's so hard about that?

Yes very odd behaviour. You're monitoring her online behaviour in lieu of deposit to confirm she is a serious prospective tenant? That's not a thing.

She can log in as often as she wants. You're doing so too.

All this about having a bad feeling and being vulnerable? It's a business transaction, not some emotional relationship. You should have agreed a move in date and requested a deposit. If you haven't that's on you.

In her shoes I'd be feeling you might be a bit casual hence keeping an eye on the market. It would be a very mean thing to do to contact someone else now and potentially leave her in the lurch. If you're regretting your lack of formalising the agreement then at least give her the chance to put down a deposit or pin down a move in date before offering the room elsewhere. I don't get why you'd jump to that?

I hope it works out.

You could contact her just to check things are still ok and to confirm move in date and time.

OP - AIBU?
MN - Yes, and rather stalkery!
OP - No I’m not!

A tale as old as time. Maybe listen up OP before you end up over your head.

Maybe she's also a bit distrustful and thinking you mightve let the room in the meantime.... completely positive view point of course.

Can't you just message her confirming if all ok to proceed still and if she has a date yet?

'I'm looking for a room. I think I've found one, but the landlord is being vague, hasn't confirmed a moving in date or asked for a deposit. AIBU to keep looking in case this falls through?'

It sounds off that one private individual should know how often someone else goes onto a website they do not operate. GDPR, anyone?

Why don’t you contact her now to confirm that she is still planning to move in and to confirm the date etc? Ask her to let you know by say Wednesday. Seems a simple way to solve this rather than asking MNers if we think she’s flakey. You can still ask for a holding deposit.

If she says she no longer wants the room then you have your answer. If she doesn’t reply by the date you’ve asked her to confirm, you can follow it up with a further message saying if I haven’t heard anything back from you by Friday I’ll presume you no longer want the room and I’ll relist it.

Simple basic communication. It’s not complicated surely? Relisting the room without checking with her first would be unprofessional and downright wrong.

Not sure that’s going to work out when you’re stalking her before she moved in

She is looking around because she is not tied to taking your room because you are not controlling the conversation and process. I would expect my landlady to be the one sending contract, taking deposit and confirming move in date.

Mumsnet is so dramatic I swear people respond entirely differently than they would to someone’s face

no op you don’t sound like some crazed stalker Id be more likely to assume maybe you are nervous she drops out as you are relying on the money or something

However do people not just communicate anymore ? Just message her asking if she is still planning to move in on X date so you are around to give her key or whatever . Done

maybe I’ll contact another person who’s just joined

You think she is flakey and don't trust that she will move in as agreed (despite doing absolutely nothing wrong), meanwhile you are actually planning to back out of the verbal agreement and leave her in the lurch?

Maybe she is checking the website so she knows what else is available if you decide to back out. And given that's exactly what you're considering doing, she sounds sensible.

It's your fault that you didn't ask for a deposit. The right thing to do now is to give her the benefit of the doubt, stick to the verbal agreement and if she doesn't move in as planned then you look for someone else. If you have to take a bit of a hit, that's just tough really. Lesson learned for next time.

“Suspicious by nature”

”bad with boundaries”

just the kind of person every lodger wants to live with

Why can’t you just message her and confirm move in still going ahead?
No need you mention you’ve seen her log in.
Just asking as move in is 2 weeks off you want to firm up plans.
So so bizarre that you wouldnt just do that in the first place instead of having this ott irrational spiraling of thoughts.
That’s not a normal response, which is what pp are pointing out.

I would contact her and ask for a deposit. Have you made a commitment in writing now that you cant back out of? I would say she is keeping her options open, thinking she has your place secured without any commitment on her part. She may turn up as planned if she doesn't find anything better in the meantime.

Just communicate WITH HER. Ring her, send a text, send an email, ask to meet in person etc.

Wow this would be a lucky escape for her I think - you openly admit you struggle with boundaries and she hasn’t even moved in yet and you’re keeping tabs on her 😱

But it's your OWN FAULT! You're the one who didn't take a deposit or get her to commit. Now you're worried and you're acting... neurotic

Being kind, I'd be stressing too because you've left it that she can pull out at any time. You've 'committed' in that you've taken the ad down but she hasn't.

But that isn't her fault. This is all on you. Maybe draw a line under this and try and get rid of the stress, and start over properly. You can message her and say you've had some more interest in the room (she's not to know it's not from word of mouth) and if she still wants to move in on x date then you'll need a deposit of y amount.

It doesn't really matter what you said before, she can take it or leave it. You'll know where you stand with her, reduce your worry for the next two weeks and can relist the ad if she doesn't go ahead.

Oh yes, and the suspicious by nature thing... it's not a personality trait that lends itself well to renting a room out to a stranger. I can just imagine if you can't find your keys one day you'll jump straight to thinking she stole them

Don't make her or any other lodger's life a misery please

OP YABVU.

You hold all the cards here. I feel very sorry for her.

1. you have been vague on moving in arrangements and didn’t ask for a deposir
2. you worry you’ll be in the lurch but you have a roof over your head. She’s the one who will be homeless!

no wonder she’s keeping her options open if you have been so unclear with her. I feel very sorry for her, she’s probably petrified you’ll let her down.

OP you sound rather naive and an inexperienced landlady. Maybe take some time to read up on how to go about things in the future- insurance, contracts, deposits etc. In the meantime just email them and check it's all still on. You are coming across a bit scatty and difficult to be honest so you might find it tough having lodgers. Please tell me as well that they will be signing a lodger's agreement? You can get the template free off the web.