For leaving my friend's 30th early?

[doritstew]

My friend turned 30 today. A group of 15 of us went for lunch at 2 pm. At 4 pm friend had arranged a party bus that drove us around our home town for an hour. At 5 pm the bus was arranged to go to the nearest city. I didn't fancy it. Number 1 - I was tired after lunch (this happens when I eat and drink), 2 my dogs were at home so needed back for them and 3 I don't like the feeling of it taking a while to get home.

Out of 15 of us, only 5 went to the nearest city. The rest of us got off the bus at the same time. Some were pregnant, some just didn't want to go.

My friend is now giving me a hard time as I am her best friend and she thought I should have made the effort. Bearing in mind she never made my 30th as she was on holiday with her boyfriend. I gave her plenty of notice I wouldn't go to the nearest city. And the 10 of us that never went said multiple times that if she stayed local, we would have stayed out.

AIBU?

A friend who gets miffed because her supposed best friend left her 30th 'do' earlier than she would have liked, clearly would have had similar standards for her BFF's 30th.

Don't be obtuse - nobody was suggesting booking holidays around random birthday; a milestone one, yes, if these occasions are regarded as important by both friends. You can't be that disingenuous - you know exactly what I meant.

I'm starting to wonder if the general demographic of mumsnet are a bit boring tbh. 😂 I reckon I'd have little trouble getting a fair few mates on a party bus. Especially for a big occasion. Double figures no problem.

People aren't boring just because they don't like the things you like 🙄

Yeah, but let's be honest, somebody that's popular and has a lot of friends usually wouldn't struggle to get more than five out for a landmark birthday. Granted there are those that don't drink but most do for big birthdays.

Double ten mins? So 20 mins?!

@RotundBeagle but she did struggle as the majority went home at 5pm 🤷🏻‍♀️

YANBU.

You gave her notice you weren't going onto the next city. She's aleady had a nice day with lunch, drinks, local partybus! Clearly the plan wasn't that popular if most of the group didn't go along to the next town either, probably because it would have been a pain to get home later and more expense.

Shes just annoyed that she didn't get her "perfect" evening. being a bit of a diva and taking it out on you. I'd ignore.

Your excuses are utterly lame and I’d be cross too.

I don't see the issue. You came, you did the event and chose not to stay out after the event. Why would that be a problem? And is 30th a big deal?

YABU
It's her 30th (you're not 80). Couldn't you make an effort for one night especially as her best friend. Sometimes you do stuff to please a good friend even if you don't feel like it. This imo was one of those times.

Exactly!

I'm happy to celebrate a friend's birthday but it's not the Second Coming! A couple of hours is plenty to wish someone all the best. Why does it need to entail six or seven or god forbid more hours of partying? I mean, if that is what some wish to do, fine, but no need to excoriate those who don't. They don't need a "good enough reason" to bow out.

What kind of friend even wants someone there if they know they are just sucking it up and mentally counting the minutes till they can leave?

Maybe birthday girl should have planned something more considerate of her guests. Friends are supposed to be honored, not commandeered as flunkies.

There's no way my friends would have gone home at 5pm on any weekend night let alone a birthday. Glad I spent my early 30s in London, small town life sounds incredibly dull if it's just a lunch and bed at the weekends.

It sounds to me as if her plans weren’t quite right for the group she had. I can understand her disappointment (and taking it out on you as her bf) but perhaps she could’ve asked who’d want to travel to another city for the evening and changed the plans if most people didn’t.
Anyway yanbu.

20 f-ing minutes to get home OP?? I'm sorry but that's a piss poor excuse along with the others you've given. I'm 40+ and my group of mates and I go out for birthdays in London and it takes each of us 60-90 minutes to get home. And that's after we leave the restaurant at 11:30ish. You sound a bit of a bore.

Out of curiosity what did YOU do for your 30th that your friend missed?

YANBU and I’m surprised anyone thinks you are! You told her in advance and you had to get home for the dogs, that’s not a weak excuse, most dogs can’t be left for more than 3-4 hours. Also a party bus around your hometown sounds like the kind of thing 16 year olds would do. And she chose her boyfriend over your 30th.

Look, let it go now - the OP has clearly been upset by the shitty responses and isn't going to comment further.

This thread is so judgemental.

Why do you have to do enjoy all day drinking sessions to be considered fun?

I couldn't do it now but I'm twice the age of these ladies lol - when I was 30, I'd have given it a bloody good try!!!

In fairness, if the OP knew she couldn't drink at lunchtime and continue drinking into the evening, then not drinking during the day would have been a good idea. That's what I do now that I'm old and more of a lightweight.

Life is too short to get your knickers in a twist about these things though.

In fairness, the OP did TELL her friend that she wasn't up for the evening part of the festivities.

And as to those ridiculing her excuse, she doesn't need an excuse or a reason other than "can't stay, thanks for inviting me, though. Happy Birthday."

The idea that one needs to hang on for some nine-hour endurance event to celebrate a good mate's birthday is just so juvenile.

I can't say I've ever been with good friends and counted the minutes until I can leave, although I somewhat agree it's weird for OPs friend to have gone rogue and organised a day of events her apparent friends didn't want to do at all

Yanbu. You told her in advance and she was ok.

YANBU

old enough to make your own decisions. If you didn’t want to go on, go home.

not many drink heavily, I don’t drink at all so it would be irrelevant to carry on.

Donpeople not know how to read anymore?

Or do they just read the title and post their thoughts based on that.

The OP says IN THE OP:

I gave her plenty of notice I wouldn't go to the nearest city. And the 10 of us that never went said multiple times that if she stayed local, we would have stayed out.

A change of location is the perfect bailing opportunity. There were several on this day so not that surprising that lots of people didn't stay for the third or fourth venue change. That said, though, the update that this burdensome journey home was actually only 20 minutes instead of 10 sounds a bit weak considering it was a special birthday.