For leaving my friend's 30th early?

[doritstew]

My friend turned 30 today. A group of 15 of us went for lunch at 2 pm. At 4 pm friend had arranged a party bus that drove us around our home town for an hour. At 5 pm the bus was arranged to go to the nearest city. I didn't fancy it. Number 1 - I was tired after lunch (this happens when I eat and drink), 2 my dogs were at home so needed back for them and 3 I don't like the feeling of it taking a while to get home.

Out of 15 of us, only 5 went to the nearest city. The rest of us got off the bus at the same time. Some were pregnant, some just didn't want to go.

My friend is now giving me a hard time as I am her best friend and she thought I should have made the effort. Bearing in mind she never made my 30th as she was on holiday with her boyfriend. I gave her plenty of notice I wouldn't go to the nearest city. And the 10 of us that never went said multiple times that if she stayed local, we would have stayed out.

AIBU?

I’ve never been able to day drink and carry on. It’s day or night for me, never could do both, even as a teenager.

Sounds like you are being punished for others leaving, like you leaving made them think it was okay for them to go. Even though you had already told her ahead of time.

I think these things have become like New Year, there’s so much expectation of having the best time ever, that no one has any fun. Everything is so super organised now, when I was young the best times out were spur of the moment and chaotic. I’m sure there’s some disappointment it didn’t turn out how she was imagining and is looking for blame.

That's too harsh. 'Flakey friend' is more reasonable.

I think it's odd that anyone thins YABU. You told her in advance, she said it was fine, then changed her mind after and decided she was annoyed with you

This ^^

The only real reason I can think of for the upset is if OP's departure started an exodus - she said only 5 of the 15 went on to the city - but that's still not her fault

Can somebody explain the appeal of the party bus? Do you literally board the bus and get driven slowly around in loops with music and booze?

Like an extended taxi ride but you're drinking?

Or is there more to it than that?

I thought they were more say for hen parties in a city with big landmarks, and it was like a tour bus with a guide pointing out famous bits of the city and cracking jokes or whatever, as you drank.

I'm clearly out of touch!

This ^^

It's an alternative to sitting in one place all squashed in. But pointless unless getting at least tipsy.

OP's friend's party bus would've been a bit sorry with just the five of them on it. I'd probs have felt a bit bad for my mate tbh.

YANBU. Sounds like a hideous party tbh. You stayed three hours. You gave prior warning.

Yanbu
Long lunch sounds great, bus trip tacky, I'd have had enough by then - the thought of another 5-6 hours in a pub, and some way from home so that I couldn't leave when I wanted to - I'd have cut it short - and you let her know in advance that you didn't plan on the evening.
I think she's just hacked off that so many people couldn't face the evening as well and she's taking it out on you.
And why does she think her birthday is so important when she arranged to be away for yours?

If it takes you 10 mins locally to get home and being in nearest city would double that it would take you 20 minutes instead?

So for the sake of 10 more minutes on top of your 10 minute journey home you made shite excuses to avoid going out.

Yeah that sucks for your friend.

It's an alternative to sitting in one place all squashed in. But pointless unless getting at least tipsy.

But why would you be all squashed in elsewhere?

What's better about the party bus driving aimlessly round your own familiar town for an hour?

We obviously all like different things but I just can't imagine doing this I mean I'd do it if my friend really wanted to, but honestly think all my (very varied) range of friends would not ever choose this.

Whereas would be very happy to book a cocktail bar/ hang out in a dive bar or whatever, depending on what somebody's preference is.

I'm on the bus on the way home from my friends 37rh. I live well over an hour commute each way. I was meant to pop in for an hour or two but it's over ,9 hrs later... I dunno where I'm going with this just that my friends birthday is Very important to me

OP, you were really rushing home because it would have taken you 20 minutes to get home otherwise? Really?

Why do you assume the worst of the OP?

The point is that throwing a strop because ANYONE doesnt' want to attend an extended party, for ANY reason or no reason at all, is immature, entitled, rude and obnoxious.

The birthday person should have said "I am so glad you were here this afternoon; thanks for wishing me well!" Not "Waaah, waahh, I didn't gt enough attention and celebration of me-me-me."

Perhaps people thought a party bus wasn't for them and the lunch was enough?
To be honest I wouldn't have bothered with it I don't think it's not something that would appeal to everyone

Yeah and for " best friends" you'd imagine they want to share their lives in the important moment not just bin it off due to an extra 10mins journey. It's not about the dog as she has already said she'd have stayed longer if it was a 10min journey

In real life, people like different things 🤷🏻‍♀️

She didn't she already said she could have stayed out longer

Some very precious people on here!

I personally wouldn't want people to stay on a night out for me if they didn't want to be there.

2-3 hours is enough to celebrate a birthday why does it need to be a full on all day thing? If she wanted a big night out why not have a dinner thing instead?

But isn't that also essentially the issue? OP didn't want to stay out to celebrate her best friends birthday? She didn't go home because of the dogs because she said if it was a 10 min journey she would have stayed out longer potentially.

I don't think 10 minutes is a workable excuse to pretend like you actually wanted to stay out

@Mouldyfoodhelp
I don't see it as an issue. Some people love nights out etc, some don't. I don't think it means anything about the friendship at all.

What if the friend wanted to do a birthday hike and have cake at the top? 😂That would rule out some of the friends I'm sure.

She got a lunch/ party bus with 15 friends, why is that not enough? Why is OP a shit friend for not wanting to dedicate the entire day/ night to celebrating her birthday?

If 10 out 15 didn't want to go, than surely that's a hint that it was asking too much of people?

I'm not sure two hours is enough for a big birthday IMO.

I think these things have become like New Year, there’s so much expectation of having the best time ever, that no one has any fun. Everything is so super organised now, when I was young the best times out were spur of the moment and chaotic.
Agree with this.
There seems to be a growing pressure to make sure that everything from birthday parties to hen dos are super organised with a timetabled itinerary and everyone has to be super excited for the whole 12 hours of an event that would previously been either lunch and drinks OR evening meal and drinks.
Then they take personal offense when someone doesn't want to move on yet again or spend another 4 hours drinking. It's almost like having bodies present for long periods of time and giving attention is more important than having a really nice lunch/evening meal and drinks and some good quality catching up.

I can't imagine upsetting my friend on thier 30th for the sake of saving 10 minutes on my journey. You're clearly still bitter about her missing your birthday which is fair enough but just be honest about it.