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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset at the way my niece & nephew treat my dcs

136 replies

Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 13:29

DH & I live in Cardiff with our 3 dc who go to a Welsh speaking school, they love it.
I'm from rural Wales & go back quite often to visit my parents. My brother lives in the village still with his wife & kids. Their dc are similar ages to mine. We met up with them last night & they were so nasty to my dc.

Firstly they were slagging off their school, saying how much they hated the Welsh language & would prefer to jump off a cliff than go to dc's school.

Slagged my dc's off for going to a Welsh language camp during half term saying they spend their holidays relaxing not doing stupid camps.

Anything my dc said they liked they hated eg Harry Styles!

Really annoying, my DH & his wife just smirk. My dc's are a bit crestfallen & confused at how resentful they are... My mum also picked up on it & put it down to hormones.
They also seem to hate Cardiff with a passion even though they've only been their a couple of times..
Aibu to just do our own thing when we visit my parents & try to avoid them. My parents are late 60s, completely self sufficient so no bitterness about us not "helping".
My parents help my brothers kids with childcare etc, are very active. The family just seem to resent us.

OP posts:
Phonemonkey2023 · 11/03/2023 13:32

Abounds like there’s a bit of ‘they think they are better’ which must have come from your brother and SIL and they are trying to bring you all down a peg or 2. Jealously is a terrible thing.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 13:32

BTW thanks anyone for reading. Really pissed off. They treat my dc like shit.

OP posts:
Poppyblush · 11/03/2023 13:34

why do you take them then?

RattlewhenIwalk · 11/03/2023 13:34

It's sounds like they're all quite resentful about you leaving, having a different and probably what they perceive to be a better life.

W0tnow · 11/03/2023 13:34

How old are they?

Hotvimto3 · 11/03/2023 13:36

Yeah this has come from somewhere. Sorry to say but i think you and the kids may have been a topic of discussion and not a nice one.
Jealous is a horrible thing.
I would just focus on the fact that your children didnt retaliate and you are giving them a lovely life. No one elses opinions matter. Be proud they didnt retaliate.

MindfulMess · 11/03/2023 13:36

It really does sound like straight out jealousy OP. Horrible, too. I’m not that nice so would tend to say something like “Oh the children would probably prefer that too” (that you jumped off a cliff rather than go to their school), but then my sister etc would back me up if her children were talking to mine like that (and vice versa I hasten to add).

All I can suggest is that your children learn to shrug vaguely and say ah well, everyone’s
different, but it’s horribly hurtful coming from family.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 13:37

My dc & their cousins are 12, 10 & 8. My DH thinks that they hear their parents slagging off their school & it's rubbed off on the kids.

OP posts:
Hotvimto3 · 11/03/2023 13:37

How can they hate Cardiff when they have barely been. Btw I think Cardiff is fab. I completed some training for work there a few years ago and really liked it.

Motnight · 11/03/2023 13:38

Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 13:32

BTW thanks anyone for reading. Really pissed off. They treat my dc like shit.

This is the important bit. Stop taking your children to places where they are treated so badly. It is actually really simple.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 13:40

It definitely came from somewhere, even my mum picked up on it. DH has brought them swimming & I'm here fumimg.

OP posts:
Conkersinautumn · 11/03/2023 13:41

Avoid visiting them with the cousins there, it doesn't sound as though your children will get any benefit and be sure to turn down suggestions of hosting them. Make it clear that your children are upset by their rudeness.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 13:41

Motnight · 11/03/2023 13:38

This is the important bit. Stop taking your children to places where they are treated so badly. It is actually really simple.

Show quote history

Yep, you're right. I knew it deep down but just wanted to vent.

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 11/03/2023 13:42

Idve said something to the kids about their rudeness, particularly as their parents didn't.

Wait a few years and they'll be jealous of your bilingual children (as they should be).

Dillydollydingdong · 11/03/2023 13:44

I think, as an English woman, that you're right to get the children to learn Welsh. It's their birthright. Are you db's children embarrassed about their heritage? And Cardiff is a beautiful city. Your DC should just say, "you're Welsh. Get used to it". But otherwise not get involved.

Lavender14 · 11/03/2023 13:45

I think I'd have said something if the parents didn't, like that's not a nice or respectful way to speak about someone. Their parents should have known to jump in and address it before you have to. But I agree if they don't bother then I'd avoid them when you can and I'd challenge the behaviour if you have to be together. If the parents have a problem I'd say well i was hoping you'd jump in so I didn't have to, noone is disrespecting my kids in front of me.

Motnight · 11/03/2023 13:45

Out of interest, what would happen if you challenged the nastiness Op? Or have you already?

LunchBoxPolice · 11/03/2023 13:46

I just can’t get over anyone hating Cardiff, it’s a fantastic city and I’m jealous of you 😬

Phonemonkey2023 · 11/03/2023 13:49

DisplayPurposesOnly · 11/03/2023 13:42

Idve said something to the kids about their rudeness, particularly as their parents didn't.

Wait a few years and they'll be jealous of your bilingual children (as they should be).

I assumed they are all welsh speaking and it’s a ‘real wales’ vs south wales thing.

NerrSnerr · 11/03/2023 13:56

If your husband has taken them out swimming I'd make a point of getting your things, meeting them there and going straight home. Tell your family that your children are upset by the comments so you think it's best to go home.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 13:59

Dillydollydingdong · 11/03/2023 13:44

I think, as an English woman, that you're right to get the children to learn Welsh. It's their birthright. Are you db's children embarrassed about their heritage? And Cardiff is a beautiful city. Your DC should just say, "you're Welsh. Get used to it". But otherwise not get involved.

DH is a fluent Welsh speaker & it's served him so well in his career so far, I think people underestimate how beneficial it can be for certain professessions.
I always loved Welsh at school as DH knows..

OP posts:
PrtScn · 11/03/2023 14:01

Phonemonkey2023 · 11/03/2023 13:49

I assumed they are all welsh speaking and it’s a ‘real wales’ vs south wales thing.

Show quote history

You mean North verses South? There's a higher percentage of Welsh speakers in North West Wales, than there is in the South. I read it to be that the nasty kids weren't bilingual, and were Welsh language bashing based on this.

TheaBrandt · 11/03/2023 14:02

It’s just flat out rude to criticise other peoples lives and choices to their faces. It’s socially unacceptable.

Sorry to say you have to speak out and perhaps not see them or limit seeing them. Kids need to see you stand up for them as well.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 14:03

Motnight · 11/03/2023 13:45

Out of interest, what would happen if you challenged the nastiness Op? Or have you already?

I did today. I said "Oh my dc love Welsh so much. They would much prefer to be in camps than relaxing over midterm".
I then said "Maybe my dc can help you with your Welsh if you hate it so much"... My mum then said afterwards it was their hormones 🙄 but she did notice.

OP posts:
KnockedOverSandcastle · 11/03/2023 14:03

I had people be rude about my children learning Welsh. One went to Welsh medium, the other there were complications and he was in English medium. But still learnt Welsh.

It felt like some folks were more embarrassed than anything, that they were Welsh but didn't or couldn't speak it, whether because they weren't bothered or hadn't been able to access it in some way.