Upset at the way my niece & nephew treat my dcs

[Mommymoments]

DH & I live in Cardiff with our 3 dc who go to a Welsh speaking school, they love it.
I'm from rural Wales & go back quite often to visit my parents. My brother lives in the village still with his wife & kids. Their dc are similar ages to mine. We met up with them last night & they were so nasty to my dc.

Firstly they were slagging off their school, saying how much they hated the Welsh language & would prefer to jump off a cliff than go to dc's school.

Slagged my dc's off for going to a Welsh language camp during half term saying they spend their holidays relaxing not doing stupid camps.

Anything my dc said they liked they hated eg Harry Styles!

Really annoying, my DH & his wife just smirk. My dc's are a bit crestfallen & confused at how resentful they are... My mum also picked up on it & put it down to hormones.
They also seem to hate Cardiff with a passion even though they've only been their a couple of times..
Aibu to just do our own thing when we visit my parents & try to avoid them. My parents are late 60s, completely self sufficient so no bitterness about us not "helping".
My parents help my brothers kids with childcare etc, are very active. The family just seem to resent us.

They are feeling inferior and they don’t like it OP .

There are many people in life who will be unkind to your kids , some of them family . it’s about getting your kids to realise that most bullying comes from the bullies own inadequacies and to rise above it .. preferably chatting amongst themselves in Welsh

DH is a native Welsh speaker & it has served him very well in his career but he doesn't push it too much with the dc. They watch English TV, read English books etc but their school is all through Welsh. However as other posters suggested above I think he should start speaking to the dc in Welsh whenever we need to be in db's family's company.

Okay, OP. Personally I think if the others aren't confident Welsh speakers it would be really unhelpful for your DH to speak Welsh as a way of winding the family up.

I think the point made by a PP that your nieces and nephews have to learn Welsh as a despised compulsory extra language and are probably as disengaged from it as they are French or Spanish was very pertinent. They just don't see Welsh as important, and you do and they don't get it and they think you and your children are weird and different — which is how most young people feel about people they don't understand.

I hesitate to go there, but if you and your husband are nationalists and the brother and his family aren't, that's probably something else that is discussed — and possibly not very respectfully — in front of the children. I'm not saying that that excuses rudeness, but it may explain some aspects of their behaviour. Obviously the kids ought to be able to get on with each other. So why aren't your BIL and SIL wading in and insisting on politeness?

What do you think they think of you and your husband?

This is quite true. The Pontcanna area of Cardiff is the hub for this type of Welsh speaker, though many have been priced out and opt for neighbouring Grangetown these days.

My child goes to a Welsh speaking school, though I am not myself a fluent Welsh speaker. The attitude described by the pp is alive and well amongst some of the parents. I personally don’t care in the slightest, but it does rankle others.

I don’t think it’s overly odd for children to be encouraged to be immersed in the secondary language at home, or even have one parent speak to them in English and the other Welsh (or whichever language), it’s an effective way to facilitate bilingualism.

Meant to quote this post in my post above!

I hope you pull them up every time. Not about whether it is fun or not to go to a language camp, but rather, "Come on, that's not a kind way to speak to people." If they don't stop then you need to speak to their parents "could you have a word with dns about putting dc down? It's making the whole meal really uncomfortable".

Don't now to pressure not to rock the boat. It's ok to point out bad behaviour, they are the ones who have caused any scene.

I genuinely don't understand this: why don't you speak to your brother directly? Why is this going through your mother? He's your brother. Talk to him! Don't be passive aggressive and just avoid: talk to him first.

Similarly, when his kids are being rude, you're allowed to say to them, "that's not a nice thing to say. They're your niece/nephew. This isn't a stranger's child, or even a friend's -- this is your relative.

You seem very reluctant to engage. Is there a reason for this?

It's OK I don't think you're going to out yourself, unless you are Catherine Zeta Jones, or Imogen Thomas.

I would comment on your DN rudeness tbh

"They don't seem to encourage manners and kindness at these English medium schools do they"

Thank you for confirming, Semperidem. As someone born on the wrong side of the border and used to being put right on anything I say about Wales, it comes as a relief.

I missed your post when I wrote mine, @MzHz , and your words are far better than mine!

As a side note, I’m learning Welsh on duolingo, for fun, and today I learned how to say “Owen’s night club sells parsnips”. Is it just me, or is this a phrase that won’t be particularly useful to anyone? It does seem to be a bit of a thing with duolingo - I can also say “The angry old men do not hit the drunk parrots” in Latin. Equally useful, I’m sure you’ll agree.

You don't sound very close to them because if it was me I'd be like, 'wind you're neck in so and so you are being rude'. Then give the parents a pointed look and if they challenge you tell them they are raising brats.

OP definitely call them up on their rude behavior there is absolutely no excuse for it. I will say however I'm in Ireland and if someone told my ten year old that they willingly did an Irish language camp during school holidays she'd struggle to comprehend why anyone would put themselves through that 😀😀😀. However we have friends living rurally in completely different types of schools and the children all love meeting up. They should be delighted to see their cousins

Yes, it's totally random sometimes. I used Duolingo for Spanish and sometimes I was like WTF? 😂

😂😂 Appreciate all the comments. We avoided them tonight & brought my parents out for an early tea.

Do your brothers family have access to a Welsh medium school? Are there Welsh language camps in the area they live in? Can your brother’s family afford them?

I think you have missed the point of @pattihews’s post, and I think speaking Welsh in front of them will only strongly confirm the views they already have of you.

Your niece and nephew are being rude, and your brother and sister-in-law are being really remiss in not addressing it with their DC.

But (and I’m in no way excusing anyone), if your DB and SIL perceive your DH (and perhaps by extension, you) in the same way as the sort of people described in @pattihews’s post - then speaking Welsh in front of everyone is only going to confirm their own righteous indignation.

I think there are more mature ways to handle this than that.

Don’t forget the people riling you up on here aren’t actually impacted on by this. This is your DB, who presumably you love and care about.

If anything - just talk to him.

Did your children not say anything back at all??? I find that really odd. Encourage them to stand up for themselves. Sounds more to me like your nieces and nephews are more insecure than anything. But I would be concerned that your own children can’t combat their comments themselves. Doesn’t have to be nasty, just giving them a bit of a dig back.

Excellent suggestion from @RandomMess, as usual.

Encourage your parents to visit lovely Cardiff too.

Whenever we came across rude or poor behaviour when out with the children, I made a point of lightly pointing it out to the children.

Throwing litter, etc., smoking!!

Of course there was never any mention of MY smoking at 3am after a lotta wine during my 20's!....still have never admitted THAT.😚😁

Your children are very lucky that they are being brought up and educated as bilingual. Just as with your husband, it will greatly benefit their working lives. Their cousins sound jealous to me, the holiday camp for example, feeling they need to say they prefer to stay at home rather than go to stay with other youngsters having fun! I would minimise contact with them when at your parents, if asked why you refuse any invitations be honest, we don’t like the negative things that are said to our children.

@Murdoch1949 thank you so much. Yes as of today we're keeping them at arms length. It's not a nice feeling but I need to put my dc's first.

That was a wimpy challenge.

I think you need to directly address the rudeness and the nastiness.

@mathanxiety yes it probably was. I spoke to dc last night about sticking up for themselves if they are ever in that sort of situation again.

They're only kids. You seem to see them as being vicious.
Why didn't you come down? Does imply some aspect of having wanted to see them.
Oh we were at camp. Does not imply being sad at having not seen them on your kids part.
I'd rather relax than go to camp. Bit rude bit defensive. That's the bit they've heard. How you push the kids academically in a language so they can get ahead.

I'd honestly look at how much you talk about education and your husband who has done very well for himself and all the extra curricular activities.
Maybe the kids are reacting to you and your family and how they make them feel?

@PicaK where have I said we push our kids in a language so they get ahead?
Where have I mentioned extracurriculars?
I don't speak about my husband to them, he's always there!
Where are you getting these notions?!

I agree that they sound jealous, especially as your brother hasn't moved on in life (geographically speaking!) at all. Sounds like he's raising his children to be as small-minded as he is.