Upset at the way my niece & nephew treat my dcs

[Mommymoments]

DH & I live in Cardiff with our 3 dc who go to a Welsh speaking school, they love it.
I'm from rural Wales & go back quite often to visit my parents. My brother lives in the village still with his wife & kids. Their dc are similar ages to mine. We met up with them last night & they were so nasty to my dc.

Firstly they were slagging off their school, saying how much they hated the Welsh language & would prefer to jump off a cliff than go to dc's school.

Slagged my dc's off for going to a Welsh language camp during half term saying they spend their holidays relaxing not doing stupid camps.

Anything my dc said they liked they hated eg Harry Styles!

Really annoying, my DH & his wife just smirk. My dc's are a bit crestfallen & confused at how resentful they are... My mum also picked up on it & put it down to hormones.
They also seem to hate Cardiff with a passion even though they've only been their a couple of times..
Aibu to just do our own thing when we visit my parents & try to avoid them. My parents are late 60s, completely self sufficient so no bitterness about us not "helping".
My parents help my brothers kids with childcare etc, are very active. The family just seem to resent us.

@MyopicBunny my brother is a very proud Welsh man, appears to throw himself into any local cultural events 🤷‍♀️

How did the whole subject of education systems come up? Did the adults start prompting the kids to talk about this?

I remember some very uncomfortable discussions in my family - private school v grammar school v comprehensive and tbh the kids didn't start it but it was all to do with undercurrents among the adults who wanted to defend their own choices and prejudices by proxy

The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. It’s a brother and SIL issue they have instilled this in them with the smirks. They probably slag you off when not around would be my bet.

Protect your kids i wouldn’t force them to be around those kids if they aren’t very nice

@Lunde they were talking about the midterm last month & asked dc why they didn't come down. My dc said they did a Welsh camp & that's how it started.. Cousins"Oh we prefer to relax on our hols than do silly camps"..

Cardiff is great. I think it’s a classic case of tall
poppy syndrome, resenting the sibling who’s moved to the big city, assuming you think you are “better than them” and over compensating with nastiness. You can’t fix it, you can only distance yourself and your DC unfortunately.

@Yoshithegreen i suspect it's coming from their parents too.

I suspect this nails it, and likely the parents feel the same. They are all looking down on your families choices.

i don’t think the right term is inverted snobbery and I don’t think it’s envy, I think it’s condescension or disdaining and due to this they are belittling your kids.

inverted snobbery is when you look down on those who you think are superior. And envy is that it’s something want for themselves. I don’t think either is the case, I think it’s condescension and disdain.

its completely different view points on the language importance, and they shouldn’t be looking down on your children for it. But more importantly neither should the adults. who appear to be looking down on you and your husbands choices here, which is then coming down to the kids.

I do think this is sadly a major differentiator between your families and as they seem unable to cease being condescending and disdainful of your perfectly valid choice, so staying apart is the only option.

Thanks @Bigmirrorssmallrooms. Yes will be keeping them apart. Glad my mum was there to witness.

Jealousy is an ugly trate. Wouldn't anyone living in Wales love to speak the Welsh language?

Dc3 getting an air up bottle for her birthday.. He was telling me there that he told his cousins last night. His cousin said "yea I got one for Christmas but it's rubbish, it makes me feel sick".. They just seem to want to put my cousins down at every single opportunity even bloody air up bottles & Harry Styles!

It may actually be about a bit more than having rude relatives.

When I first came to live in Wales back in the 90s a Welsh friend (Barry born and non-Welsh-speaking) took me to a concert at the St David's Centre where at the bar we experienced some Welsh speakers being unpleasant to the barman because he couldn't speak Welsh and couldn't understand their order expressed in Welsh.

These people, my friend explained, was what was laughingly known as the Taffia: a group of middle class Welsh speakers, often influential in politics and education and the law, who send their children to Welsh-medium schools (Cardiff is largely English speaking/ English-medium for education and 20 years ago there were a limited number of them). Not long ago I was introduced to a Cardiff woman whose Welsh-first-language husband insisted that only Welsh was spoken in the home and only Welsh TV and radio were allowed. Their children went to Welsh-medium schools and Welsh camp. It's a kind of Welsh elitism.

Not saying that the OP and her family are like this or are part of that group, but the fact that being a Welsh speaker has brought advantage to her husband in his work does hint at it. Perhaps to their extended family living more rural lives OP and her family descend from the big city speaking Welsh and they seem a bit — well, pretentious. Perhaps the adults have talked about them in this way and the children have picked it up.

Sorry he not she!

My friends daughter is like this. Shes fucking horrible to be around.

It’s not hormones — it’s children who have not been taught good manners.

I think the kids are voicing what their parents are saying. Next time they slag off the school just say, don't be so rude. Or ask, why would you say that?

They sound like they are being raised to be very unpleasant, sneering is such an ugly quality.

Yes. I have started saying to my friends daughter who is like this ' what do you think people might think about you when you say things like that' granted she literally stared me down but i don't care. She has no manners and respect.

This sounds like something that would have overheard. I would have pulled them up on their prejudiced behaviour. These type of comment could get them in serious trouble in the the future. I surprised the parents didn't say anything

DH is a native Welsh speaker & it has served him very well in his career but he doesn't push it too much with the dc. They watch English TV, read English books etc but their school is all through Welsh. However as other posters suggested above I think he should start speaking to the dc in Welsh whenever we need to be in db's family's company.

Yes sounds like your brother and sil’s noses have been put out of joint by your move and Welsh speaking school. Your brother’s nationality is a point of pride and because he’s never left the village he grew up in, he resents that you left and your kids speak better Welsh than theirs do. They have scorned your choices around their kids.

I wouldn’t put my kids through another sneerfest. What’s more I’d be telling my brother why.
“Our kids didn’t enjoy being put down and there’s no need to repeat the experience.”

I was born in England, but my Dad is a native Welsh speaker as are my cousins. I have never experienced the unpleasantness that some have on here with regards to Welsh language speakers. However my uncle was very meh about Cardiff and when we lived there temporarily, we had some bloody odd reactions from more rural dwellers (not family members) about the 'big city' and how awful it was. I didn't dare tell them we are actually from London!

I loved Cardiff and probably would have sent ds to a Welsh medium school if we had stayed. Your DN and DN sound nasty and I would agree it probably comes from DB and SIL. I would be tempted to avoid them all.

@JADS I love living in Cardiff, it's a great city. The cousins weren't always like that & I think that's what the most upsetting bit.

tell your kids that next time it happens, for your kids to speak to each other in welsh, look at them and laugh....

We had 3 nephews who were similar. Looked down on all their cousins. I just stopped seeing them, other than about twice a year. Told my dc to rise above it. In adulthood all the cousins are close, apart from these 3.

100% this.

These are rude teenagers who will grow up to be rude adults. Time for them to see that you stick up for your kids.
Just because they are cousins does not mean that they get to be rude to them.

I'd start by saying "If you've nothing nice to say, I'd rather you keep your mouth shut", even better if you say it first in Welsh! 😉