Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset at the way my niece & nephew treat my dcs

136 replies

Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 13:29

DH & I live in Cardiff with our 3 dc who go to a Welsh speaking school, they love it.
I'm from rural Wales & go back quite often to visit my parents. My brother lives in the village still with his wife & kids. Their dc are similar ages to mine. We met up with them last night & they were so nasty to my dc.

Firstly they were slagging off their school, saying how much they hated the Welsh language & would prefer to jump off a cliff than go to dc's school.

Slagged my dc's off for going to a Welsh language camp during half term saying they spend their holidays relaxing not doing stupid camps.

Anything my dc said they liked they hated eg Harry Styles!

Really annoying, my DH & his wife just smirk. My dc's are a bit crestfallen & confused at how resentful they are... My mum also picked up on it & put it down to hormones.
They also seem to hate Cardiff with a passion even though they've only been their a couple of times..
Aibu to just do our own thing when we visit my parents & try to avoid them. My parents are late 60s, completely self sufficient so no bitterness about us not "helping".
My parents help my brothers kids with childcare etc, are very active. The family just seem to resent us.

OP posts:
Mumoftwoinprimary · 11/03/2023 14:59

Do they not speak Welsh then? (Or speak it very badly?) The obvious solution is surely to switch into Welsh whilst talking to your children. Will drive them up the wall!

jazzybelle · 11/03/2023 15:02

Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 13:37

My dc & their cousins are 12, 10 & 8. My DH thinks that they hear their parents slagging off their school & it's rubbed off on the kids.

I think he's right. They've quite clearly picked this up from someone and the smirking from the parents also fits in with this assumption. When in their company your children should just ignore them. If these rude children persist, they could of course start speaking in Welsh to exclude them. Why should they have to interact with such awful kids?

Ruffpuff · 11/03/2023 15:03

As a fellow Welsh speaker from the Cardiff area, who went to a Welsh speaking school…who has dealt with nasty comments regarding my native tongue, my best advice is to tell the children to speak Welsh amongst themselves and lock the nasty cousins out of the conversation. If the Welsh language is so stupid, and everything your dc do is stupid to them, then they’re not deserving of your dc’s attention!

LovelyIssues · 11/03/2023 15:10

They sound very rude OP! I would be mortified if my children behaved liked that, hormones is not an excuse!

MemyselfandI2019 · 11/03/2023 15:13

I'm a bit confused-only because you say they live in rural Wales. Is it rural as in really rural (I live in rural Wales and the only schooling offered is Welsh medium)? We moved from Cardiff to the rural area and I was so greatful that my son had been in a Welsh medium school in Cardiff so his transition was easier! Are the other children in an English medium school (which is very unusual for a rural village!) It does come across that there is jealousy, this may be a good time to teach kids that there are benefits and negative points to living in different geographical areas of Wales x

Original poster
Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 15:15

Mumoftwoinprimary · 11/03/2023 14:59

Do they not speak Welsh then? (Or speak it very badly?) The obvious solution is surely to switch into Welsh whilst talking to your children. Will drive them up the wall!

The cousins do a bit of Welsh in school it's compulsory but all the subjects are in English.
Mine are Welsh immersion & all subjects are through Welsh. I'll say this to DH (Welsh is his first language) he'd relish in it🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 15:17

No it's not particularly rural rural! I don't want to out myself by being too specific but the cousins go to an English speaking school.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 11/03/2023 15:20

Your Nieces / Nephews are children, you (as an adult) calling them names looks bad.

The issue you have is with the adults in this situation, they are the ones you need to talk to. Be a grown up, and address it properly.

IVbumble · 11/03/2023 15:21

Mumoftwoinprimary · 11/03/2023 14:59

Do they not speak Welsh then? (Or speak it very badly?) The obvious solution is surely to switch into Welsh whilst talking to your children. Will drive them up the wall!

This.

MemyselfandI2019 · 11/03/2023 15:30

Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 15:17

No it's not particularly rural rural! I don't want to out myself by being too specific but the cousins go to an English speaking school.

I assume there is not much Welsh spoken in their local community either if they have very little grasp of the language even though they are in an English speaking school. Welsh medium schools generally have a really good rep in Cardiff. Also they have had a lot of financial investment so many have top of the range tech etc compared to schools in more rural areas (whether Welsh or English) - so the children's 'opinions' have come from somewhere and I'm not sure it's because yours speak Welsh fluently

LAMPS1 · 11/03/2023 15:31

Very strange that their parents smirk especially if your DB is a patriotic Welshman. Surely he realises that to be truly bilingual is a bonus your children have that his don’t have. What does he have to smirk about. If he’s smirking because his children feel superior, looking down on yours for loving their interesting and full lives in Cardiff and enjoying two languages, then he’s ignorant and I would avoid him and his family as far as possible. I would also talk frankly to your children about their cousins’ small-minded attitudes so that realise it isn’t normal to be so very unsociable and snooty.
Just wondering …….Isn’t it rather unusual that a rural village school in Wales is teaching through the medium of English ?

MemyselfandI2019 · 11/03/2023 15:34

LAMPS1 · 11/03/2023 15:31

Very strange that their parents smirk especially if your DB is a patriotic Welshman. Surely he realises that to be truly bilingual is a bonus your children have that his don’t have. What does he have to smirk about. If he’s smirking because his children feel superior, looking down on yours for loving their interesting and full lives in Cardiff and enjoying two languages, then he’s ignorant and I would avoid him and his family as far as possible. I would also talk frankly to your children about their cousins’ small-minded attitudes so that realise it isn’t normal to be so very unsociable and snooty.
Just wondering …….Isn’t it rather unusual that a rural village school in Wales is teaching through the medium of English ?

Rural villages are only Welsh medium, a few towns do have English medium schools though but not many.

Nanny0gg · 11/03/2023 15:34

Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 13:40

It definitely came from somewhere, even my mum picked up on it. DH has brought them swimming & I'm here fumimg.

Then stamp on it when you hear it

Foxglove22 · 11/03/2023 15:35

I think your brother and his wife have an inferiority complex for some reason because your children go to a Welsh school - who knows why that may be the case - and they have voiced it in front of their children, who now feel they have the freedom to be rude to your children too. They sound childish and mean, and are a really bad example to their children and I would certainly limit the amount of time your children spend with all of them as it could be really demoralising for them.

BrutusMcDogface · 11/03/2023 15:36

They sound bitter and jealous. It might have come from their parents, or it might just be pure and simple jealousy that they’re stuck in rural wales (no offence; I bloody love wales!) while your dc live in the city with lots to see and do; shopping etc (I’m thinking mainly the 12 year old, here).

you’re right to challenge them on their behaviour and I would continue to do so!

billy1966 · 11/03/2023 15:38

OP, I'm with @N7 there is no way you should be standing around allowing this behaviour.

Start speaking welsh to them and explain that unfortunately they clearly don't know any better.

Correct your mother firmly that you will not have your children being treated badly and avoid visiting your brother in his home.

If they come to your mothers, first sign of rudeness have your children warned that they can head to their rooms or head out for a walk..

Very important IMO to say very openly to your children that their cousins are rude and we don't have to spend time with rude people.

Avoid them and their nastiness.

Or the next hint of rudeness ask what their problem is? Why are they being so rude....to your brother....maybe with a MN head tilt!

This is NOT normal behaviour so make no effort to normalise it by accepting it.

Thekirit · 11/03/2023 15:38

Phonemonkey2023 · 11/03/2023 13:32

Abounds like there’s a bit of ‘they think they are better’ which must have come from your brother and SIL and they are trying to bring you all down a peg or 2. Jealously is a terrible thing.

I agree with this.
We had the same with my db second wife and child
Hated us I think before they walked in the door. Nasty comments from kids and parents. Including really slagging off our school choices. When she had two more kids the three of them decided to beat up one of mine, kicking and punching him on the ground.
No apology…nothing…nasty little shits
We still send Christmas cards,( I don’t really know why ) db down to a text 🤣. Luckily db first wife and son are amazing.
Try not to let it affect the way you live,
They are the problem,
Good luck

whumpthereitis · 11/03/2023 15:38

I doubt it’s about speaking welsh, and more to do with the fact that you left your hometown and made a life elsewhere.

It’s designed to knock you down to the size they think you should be. I expect their attitudes are along the lines of ‘thinks she’s too good for where she came from!’, ‘thinks she’s better than us!’, ‘her and her kids think they’re something special’ etc. Some people take it very personally indeed if you make different choices to them.

Original poster
Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 15:39

Thanks everyone. Appreciate your comments & will be giving them a wide berth now.

OP posts:
alittleprivacy · 11/03/2023 15:39

Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 15:15

The cousins do a bit of Welsh in school it's compulsory but all the subjects are in English.
Mine are Welsh immersion & all subjects are through Welsh. I'll say this to DH (Welsh is his first language) he'd relish in it🤣

Show quote history

Well there you go. They resent having to do Welsh in school. I'm Irish and I HATED doing Irish in school with every fibre of my being from around age seven onwards. When I met kids who went to Irish language schools I felt a mixture of deep pity for them while also thinking they were weird as all hell if they didn't hate it. Obviously as an adult, I understand that once they are immersed in the language they had a different relationship with it. But as a child all I knew was that I, and almost every single person I knew, adult and child, resented being forced to learn a language we felt no connection to.

justasking111 · 11/03/2023 15:39

Mommymoments · 11/03/2023 15:17

No it's not particularly rural rural! I don't want to out myself by being too specific but the cousins go to an English speaking school.

We're in north Wales, at secondary level some of DS Fri went to Welsh medium school, some a mixed bag. No-one thinks anyone else is superior

The children are bloody rude and ignorant. You right to vent.

coconutpie · 11/03/2023 15:41

OP, would you be able to say the MN classic each time they are rude - "did you mean to be so rude?" each time they say something to insult your DC.

Zarqon · 11/03/2023 15:41

Either call them on it or avoid the family (or both).

On the rare occasions our cousins are rude to my DC and the parents don’t intervene, I say “Don’t be rude.” Or something like “Goodness, you do need some help with your manners don’t you, it’s not polite to insult others hobbies you know, I hope your teacher doesn’t let you talk to your classmates at school like that.”

MyopicBunny · 11/03/2023 15:42

Cardiff is an amazing city - my dd is there for uni and I studied there too.

One thing that I have noticed is that some welsh people do seem to have internalised a dislike of welsh speaking culture which really is such a shame. My ex husband is Welsh and his family were like this.

Hotvimto3 · 11/03/2023 15:47

I love the soeaking welsh infront of them comment... i would do this ha