DNephew should support baby

[CoffeeandCakeNow]

Hi NC as outing.
My DH DB and his wife have just told DH that their DS (19 a couple of months ago) has told them he has a baby that's a few months old! He knew from early on in the pregnancy but insisted he wanted a dna test before getting involved as they weren't together. He didn't tell his DP until a few weeks ago. The babies mum went through pregnancy and gave birth with no support. Baby born and dna test done. It is DN's. He then told her he never wanted a baby and didn't want to be involved or to pay. She said fine, I'll have to do it on my own then but I do need some money for a cot - he gave her some not all. SIL told him to put some money in a bank account so if CMS come knocking he can prove he was willing to support. He has said £100 A YEAR!! Not even going to the baby or her mum. Then SIL got a document drawn up to say if she changes her mind about child maintenance in the future she has no right to ask him. The babies mum has rightly refused to sign it and has cut all contact. DN has a good full time job and lives at home with few outgoings.
Other family have all supported DN and said how proud they are of him and they'll support him no matter what. I just can't get on board with this and DH not happy but keeping quiet.

This

Hope she goes to CMS and gets a regular payment from the bastard

Both of them were irresponsible not taking precautions BUT a baby is on the way and he needs to do the right thing and contribute towards its upbringing. Your DN and parents are a disgrace.

Don't his parents want to know their own grandchild???

Christ

@taxpayer1 he had a right to wear a condom or not have sex with her

I wonder what on earth the family are “proud of”. It beggars believe.

@taxpayer1

Once again for those at the back, he had the choice to wear a condom.

That was his choice.

He chose not to.

He knows that thereafter the choice is with the woman, as it should be.

So. He did get a choice. His choice starts and ends with having sex.

But. He had a choice.

Absurd.

Absurd. It is the right of the woman to pay for a child she wants.

YANBU to be disappointed in him, but what can you actually do about this?

Are you willing to cut off contact with the family over it?

Most families have people whose behaviour they object to or disapprove of but generally find a way to keep the peace.

She is paying... 100% until CMS comes through

@taxpayer1
Are you saying it's absurd to ask boys to wear a condom if they don't want a baby?

There’s a very definite theme to your posts on here, @taxpayer1

@taxpayer1 we all know how babies are made, to whine afterwards that you had no choice in the matter is the only thing that is absurd.

Speaking from experience here, my bio dad who i had no contact with played the exact same card. He is also a selfish waste of air

While the sperm is inside the 19yo’s body, he had complete autonomy and control.

while his genetic material inside of the woman’s body, she had complete autonomy and control.

if a baby is born, that child now has complete autonomy and control. The providers of the genetic material of that child have a legal and ethical responsibility to care for the baby. It is incapable for caring for itself, at first out biological reality and later because of the way we have chosen to structure our society from both social and economic perspectives.

no one is trying to take away the rights or choices of the 19 yo male. The problem is that he deposited his genetic material inside the body of another human being and as long as it remains in another human, someone else holds the decision making power. If he had deposited his genetic material in a tissue, it would have remained with him.

I rather expect @taxpayer1 is on the wind up, but I'm persevering because there are people this stupid in real life; so, in case they're reading.

You can guarantee as well that it was unprotected

Sounds like they’re all treating her bloody awfully. It is so sad so many people who’d be complicit in supporting your DN to shirk his responsibility to the baby.

However, I’m not sure what use it will do you getting involved. You can voice your opinion, but beyond that there isn’t much you can do.

@MelchiorsMistress I didn't really say that but yes.
If he is old enough to have the unprotected sex then he is old enough to be held accountable for the consequences.
Like driving a car.
Adult decisions.
I don't think men should go around having unprotected sex and then demanding abortions as birth control.
The BABY is the real actual child and innocent party here.
If one of my sons decided he was gonna make a baby and then completely wash his hands of the whole thing I wouldn't be telling him that I was proud of him!
How many children will this man/child bring into the world just to walk away from, with the full support of his proud family?
How many is too many?

@taxpayer1 You are either a man or just a c**t tbh. Men who choose to dip it in without using anything are 50/50 responsible!

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion without being insulted.

do you know that a male can father a baby as soon as it reaches puberty? Usually between 11 to 14. Should they be responsible too?

That would be weird and creepy. This is nothing to do with you and I'd suggest kindly at this point that you leave it. Whether or not you stay in touch with your DN is up to you, but it would be odd to stalk the woman and her baby.

Why is it that posters who fall pregnant by accident, because they forgot to take the pill, because they lapse getting a new coil, or they were not careful after they were ill etc....are always excused on MN. We always read that mistakes happen, they were stressed with issues, they didn't realise etc... But a young man who failed to wear a condom is assassinated.

We have NO idea of the circumstances here. None. For all we know, she did trick him with tails because all she wanted was a baby.

I think you are very judgemental OP without knowing all the circumstances. It's not your business and has little to do with you.

Maybe he is a selfish brat who sees himself as a victim to suit the story. Or maybe he really is the victim of someone prepared to do anything to get what she wants. Or anything in between.

Yet Mners have decided that because he is a man, he can only be the one in the wrong and is total scum. Dreadful!

How did she trick him? She didn't poke holes in a condom or tell him she is allergic to them and couldn't use one. They were both drunk, both chose not to use contraction and whilst she's now bringing up a baby on her own and paying for everything, his life has not changed. He continues to mock people for their none designer clothes and "shit" cars. Yes she could have had an abortion but maybe it goes against her beliefs. He could have worn a condom or asked if she was on the pill etc if he wasn't willing to face the consequences. She's faced them.

I won't leave things on the doorstep, it was just a thought as I know first hand how hard it is being a single mum from before DH days. But I was not going to stalk them, that was unfair to say that.
DBIL has strong opinions on people on benefits yet he is encouraging his DS to not contribute and the likelihood is the mum will now be on benefits for many years.

• contraception