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Original poster

I'm angry my ex is sharing his bed with our daughter and his new girlfriend

103 replies

damagelina · 10/03/2023 21:36

Me (34f) and my ex (45m) have a 9 year old daughter, and he has weekend visitations every other week. She told me today that she slept in dad's bed with him and his girlfriend last weekend. He has been dating this woman for 2 months. I am extremely upset, I feel like this is so inappropriate. I don't even know who the hell this woman is and she is in bed with my kid??? I haven't spoken to him about it yet as I am unsure of what to do. I want to scream at him but it's not productive.

Daughter is already sharing a bed with dad because he is currently living at his mother's in a section of the house where she also has an older male living as a tenant. Our daughter has a bedroom there but feels afraid in her room and wants to stay with dad. I am already uncomfortable with this situation but adding this new woman into their bed is too far. I am losing my mind here.

Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 10/03/2023 21:38

Utterly, utterly inappropriate.

Why do people do this?! What are they gaining from it? She should sleep in her own house FFS.

BevMarsh · 10/03/2023 21:42

I'd not allow my DD to go and stay in a house with a stranger (the tenant)and where she feels so uncomfortable that she is sharing as bed with her father.
I'd not be comfortable with her staying with her father at all if he can't see how very wrong this all is.

Chickychoccyegg · 10/03/2023 21:47

I also think this is inappropriate, and I would be rethinking overnights.

ObamaLlamas · 10/03/2023 21:50

Jesus absolutely no more overnights. Tell him to grow up and get his own place.

cigarettesNalcohol · 10/03/2023 21:52

Jeeeez! This is completely out of order. It doesn't sound safe for your daughter there. The tenant alone is a worry... plus the OW? I would not be letting her sleep there anymore.

Goodread1 · 10/03/2023 21:54

Hi Op
Of course it's inappropriate for your daughter to sharing a bed with her father and his new girlfriend,

I was just thinking 🤔 so you daughter is not scared sleeping in her own bedroom at her dad's house, could you or her dad,

take your daughter to vist either a toys shop, or anywhere else that sells soft toys like supermarkets, Tescos,

They also sell soft toys 🧸 on the Internet aswell,
Your daughter could choose soft toys and buy choose favorite 🪆 dolls, could be fabric floppy doll or another type of doll,

She could surround her bed at her dad's house with her favourite soft toys and dolls 🪆
So it's one of their favourite place, her bedroom too,

Just using child psychology also what about taking daughter to buy bedtime stories books to read 📚 at good book shop, too
there are some good books stores on Internet to buy from too Op,

Can you have a chat with him about this?

Or
Is it better just to go to the shops or on Internet and just buy soft toys dolls 🪆 books 📚 with daughter, and she just take them to her dads house?
What do you think Op@damagelina ?

1000yellowdaisies · 10/03/2023 21:56

This is appalling, the whole scenario, gf and random adult tenant.

Im not sure where you stand legally but i would stop her going for overnights and make him take you to court, the whole set up is wildly inappropriate.

1000yellowdaisies · 10/03/2023 21:58

Goodread1 · 10/03/2023 21:54

Hi Op
Of course it's inappropriate for your daughter to sharing a bed with her father and his new girlfriend,

I was just thinking 🤔 so you daughter is not scared sleeping in her own bedroom at her dad's house, could you or her dad,

take your daughter to vist either a toys shop, or anywhere else that sells soft toys like supermarkets, Tescos,

They also sell soft toys 🧸 on the Internet aswell,
Your daughter could choose soft toys and buy choose favorite 🪆 dolls, could be fabric floppy doll or another type of doll,

She could surround her bed at her dad's house with her favourite soft toys and dolls 🪆
So it's one of their favourite place, her bedroom too,

Just using child psychology also what about taking daughter to buy bedtime stories books to read 📚 at good book shop, too
there are some good books stores on Internet to buy from too Op,

Can you have a chat with him about this?

Or
Is it better just to go to the shops or on Internet and just buy soft toys dolls 🪆 books 📚 with daughter, and she just take them to her dads house?
What do you think Op@damagelina ?

Rubbish! If she feels uncomfortable op needs to be listening not filling the bed with crap.

Letstaketotheskies · 10/03/2023 22:00

Another vote for stop the overnights.
This is wildly inappropriate. She can see him for days on his weekends and come home to yours to sleep.

Makingamess4212 · 10/03/2023 22:00

Agree with everyone else. But I would be exploring why she is scared of sleeping in her own room so much?! Is it the tenant, the situation, an anxiety? Has the fear been caused by something?
Definitely no more staying at that house.

Goodread1 · 10/03/2023 22:04

@Makingamess4212

I agree with your point ,

JussathoB · 10/03/2023 22:05

I don’t think a 9 yr old girl should be sleeping in a bed with her father or with an unrelated adult woman, and she should not be in a house where there is an unrelated adult male either. Insist that overnight stays stop immediately.
if your ex does not comply with this, then I suggest you involve social services and raise the situation as a concern.

Original poster
damagelina · 10/03/2023 22:06

Makingamess4212 · 10/03/2023 22:00

Agree with everyone else. But I would be exploring why she is scared of sleeping in her own room so much?! Is it the tenant, the situation, an anxiety? Has the fear been caused by something?
Definitely no more staying at that house.

She says the guy is "creepy" and doesn't ever leave his room except to go to the bathroom and work. Please don't jump on me about this but she has said he is super fat and smells bad etc. I don't think he's a predator or anything it's just some older guy that she isn't familiar with and doesn't feel totally comfortable so she wants to stay near her dad at night. Her bedroom there is furnished but it's not really personalized, she doesn't spend much time in it at all. When they are over there she usually just plays video games in his bed or hangs out downstairs with grandma.

OP posts:
GoAgainstNicki · 10/03/2023 22:08

The OP has the same post in the Divorce/Seperation board (not sure if you posted twice by accident OP?) where she’s said:

We have a court-ordered custody arrangement so I can't just break visitation.
So she can’t just cancel the overnight stays like most of the comments have suggested

DarkShade · 10/03/2023 22:08

I would not let my child go and stay under these circumstances. Let him take you to court over it if he wants to. Crucially, does she want to go?

DarkShade · 10/03/2023 22:09

Oh ok, cross posted. In that case I would have the conversation with him I guess and explain it's unappropriate.

SnackSizeRaisin · 10/03/2023 22:11

I would suggest putting a bolt on the inside of her door. A 9 year old shouldn't be sharing with her dad and even less so with his girlfriend. The lodger doesn't sound great either as an unknown male.

If your daughter isn't happy with having a lock, or your ex won't get one put on, she shouldn't stay there overnight unless lodger leaves and she stays in her own bed.

This scenario is asking for trouble

Shamdyhandy · 10/03/2023 22:12

You and her dad let her stay in a house with a male stranger who could access her bedroom? What the actual fuck. This is a massive safeguarding issue. I actually can’t comprehend how a mother would leave her daughter vulnerable like this

SnackSizeRaisin · 10/03/2023 22:13

Could your daughter sleep in grandma's room? Or even in ex's room in a separate bed would be better than the current situation.

Shamdyhandy · 10/03/2023 22:14

I don't think he's a predator or anything

why? Why don’t you think this. You should always think this as a first thought were young children are involved

SnackSizeRaisin · 10/03/2023 22:14

Shamdyhandy · 10/03/2023 22:12

You and her dad let her stay in a house with a male stranger who could access her bedroom? What the actual fuck. This is a massive safeguarding issue. I actually can’t comprehend how a mother would leave her daughter vulnerable like this

To be fair the mother can't do a lot about it. It's court ordered contact. The child is in the care of her father.

Goodread1 · 10/03/2023 22:16

Hi Op
Sorry I didn't read your Op Thread properly,

You should 100 💯 per cent listen to your gut instinct that's screaming to you, to listen to this and act accordingly,

You definitely need to put a stop to this situation of your daughter staying overnights,

Get in touch with social services if your daughters father, your ex ,will not accept this,

I really don't like the idea of unrelated male staying at sharing same house as where daughter has been,

Obviously Totally unacceptable inappropriate for daughter to be sharing her fathers bedroom in first place !!!

SnowdayYay · 10/03/2023 22:16

@Shamdyhandy

It's court ordered.

Original poster
damagelina · 10/03/2023 22:17

SnackSizeRaisin · 10/03/2023 22:11

I would suggest putting a bolt on the inside of her door. A 9 year old shouldn't be sharing with her dad and even less so with his girlfriend. The lodger doesn't sound great either as an unknown male.

If your daughter isn't happy with having a lock, or your ex won't get one put on, she shouldn't stay there overnight unless lodger leaves and she stays in her own bed.

This scenario is asking for trouble

All of the doors have deadbolts inside. But I don't think that a child locking herself in her room at night is safe.

I do not want her going over there anymore. I know I need to do something about this, it's just going to be a nightmare

OP posts:
Goodread1 · 10/03/2023 22:17

Massive red flags all over this situation Op@damagelina