I'm angry my ex is sharing his bed with our daughter and his new girlfriend

103 replies

damagelina · 10/03/2023 21:36

Me (34f) and my ex (45m) have a 9 year old daughter, and he has weekend visitations every other week. She told me today that she slept in dad's bed with him and his girlfriend last weekend. He has been dating this woman for 2 months. I am extremely upset, I feel like this is so inappropriate. I don't even know who the hell this woman is and she is in bed with my kid??? I haven't spoken to him about it yet as I am unsure of what to do. I want to scream at him but it's not productive.

Daughter is already sharing a bed with dad because he is currently living at his mother's in a section of the house where she also has an older male living as a tenant. Our daughter has a bedroom there but feels afraid in her room and wants to stay with dad. I am already uncomfortable with this situation but adding this new woman into their bed is too far. I am losing my mind here.

Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:

AllOfThemWitches · 11/03/2023 14:44

If he can't provide a safe environment for her to sleep without adult strangers in the house/ bed I'd be stopping overnight contact, informing SS and the court why I'd stopped it and be quite happy to explain why to a judge. It's basic child safeguarding.

Someone has no experience of family courts

SleepingRedSnowBootsAndThePea · 11/03/2023 18:54

AllOfThemWitches · 11/03/2023 14:44

Someone has no experience of family courts

Eerrr I do actually. They are pathetically useless. But I still wouldn't allow my child to be in a dangerous situation and I'd happily stand up in court and tell them why. If they then force you to it's on them, nothing you can do. Awful, but at least you've done the right thing.

AviMav · 11/03/2023 19:06

Biscuits1011 · 11/03/2023 09:57

everyone saying the gf shouldn’t be staying over, well that would never stand up in court, the child’s dad can have his girlfriend stay or even move in with him. So not sure why this is an issue. Unless op has safeguarding concerns which doesn’t sound like it. The sleeping in the same bed is odd though. My dps 6 year old son used to try and get in bed with us and it was just an instant no from the get go, we got him a night light and new bedding and things and over time he was fine in his own room. So that needs to be worked on. I’m not sure what you can realistically do about him living with another tenant, but I don’t think I’d be ok with this either. Was this the case when the court order was made? If not I’d go back to court and say your dd is extremely anxious about that. It’s a tough one as normally when the other parent has the child you have to trust their judgment and that they will keep your child safe. I totally get why you feel like you do though

Oh dear. I can't believe I actually have to type this out. Some girls have periods at 9 years old. A father in bed with his daughter whilst potentially on her period is indecent don't you think??

Cafcass would definitely be alarmed because the GF is in bed with them too. So 3 people in a double bed? It's inadequate for a start.

Someone also made an excellent t point below... what type of "girlfriend" is OK with this? It's more than a bit odd.

OP needs to put a stop to this are you the resident parent OP? I what was your exs previous living arrangements in court?!

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