My partner is coming up to a milestone birthday next year and really wants to do a big expensive vacation.
When we started planning it, it was intended just to be us, however when I mentioned it in passing to my mum she basically invited herself and mentioned it to my siblings on the same day so now it's been turned into a potential family vacation. At the time, I was so taken aback that I didn't say anything to indicate that it was just a trip for us.
Our family has been through a lot, lots of illness and my dad died suddenly fairly recently. My parents would do lots of cool trips together, and we would also do regular cool trips as a family, including my partner. Also the place we were going to go to has some family connections and was always somewhere my parents wanted to visit but didn't get a chance to before dad died.
Also my family have been my absolute rock through previous hard times for me and I would never want them to feel excluded or uncomfortable and I'm worried it will break my mom's heart to say it's just us as she is always asking about the trip now and basically has nobody to go on holiday with unless it's a family holiday. I'm worried it could change the family dynamic.
Unfortunately my partner was really disappointed with this turn of events and said they wanted it to be just us and that it wasn't something they would want to do even with their family. They said even if it was, their dad has health issues and can't travel far. So it wasn't fair for my family to come on her birthday trip if their family couldn't.
My compromise was that we do something else for the milestone birthday and go on the intended trip with my family at a future date which my partner seemed happy with.
I thought we resolved it as they said they were happy to go on the trip another time and include my family. There were other factors at play anyway such as money and it wasn't clear we could have done the trip anyway. But this has now changed and we might be able to afford it.
Last night my partner was drunk and said how upset they were about it all because that was the only way they wanted to spend their big birthday but they feel it's been taken away from them for fear of upsetting my family. They also said they would have to be diplomatic with my family going forward as they're so annoyed by it all.
I explained my position again and I thought my compromise was good and didn't really know what to say but now I'm feeling like I'm being unreasonable by insisting on my compromise suggestion. I'm not sure what to do.