To ask what age you leave a 15 year old?

[OnlyYellowRoses]

Posting here for the traffic.

Can I ask what age you would be comfortable leaving a 15 (16 in June) home alone overnight, if you would?

DS is doing his best to convince me that IABU for not wanting him to stay in our home for 2 nights, alone whilst I am away visiting partners family.

We would be a 6 hour drive away. His father (not same person as my partner) usually lives a 30 min drive away but this particular weekend would be visiting his own parents 4 hours away.

I'm not comfortable leaving him. He's sensible and not the type to throw wild house parties but I can't help feeling it's irresponsible if both parents are a substantial drive away if an emergency happened.

There is a local set of grandparents who could be here in 10 minutes if there was an issue though.

Thoughts please? Teen obviously thinks I'm very unfair, partner and actual DS father are leaning more towards the 'let him stay' camp.

16

Exactly ! I dread to think what would happen if we went to war. They 18 year olds would be completely useless

I have left my 14 and 16 year olds for a night.
Grandparents 20 ish minutes away, my best friend 2 mins away.
However I have 2 incredibly sensible and mature kids who already have to do a lot for themselves due to shift patterns.
I would probably be wary of leaving them for 2 nights at a time though.

And all this stuff about “what if the house get’s burgled or there is a fire?” A fifteen year old is also many times more likely to be the victim of crime or an accident outside the home than in it. Getting mugged for their phone, hit by a car…is anyone advocating they don’t let their 15 year old walk to school alone?

The main factors I would be considering is whether they feel comfortable and confident being at home alone overnight - but they’re asking to be left so presumably they’re comfortable le.

And primarily: will they take advantage to have their mates round / throw a party? That’s not so much a question of age - a 17 year old is probably as likely if not more so to take advantage. That comes down entirely to knowing the kid so we can’t judge that one.

Everyone knows their own kids, it really is dependent on them
I have one DS that I wouldn’t leave at that age, he’d walk out the door and not close it, leave the gas on. Who knows. He wouldn’t have a party and wreck the place but he might burn the house down.
My other two, at that age I would be ok with it.
Very organised and sensible.

But I’d let the neighbours know they’re home alone. Just in case.

You can easily guess the Gen X posters here!

These posts are hilarious! Genuinely wonder why parenting has got so extreme?

Me and my 15 year old mate went to Loret de Mar by ourselves for a holiday in the 80's. She turned 16 on holiday, I was 16.

Can't see any of Gen Z's being allowed to do that now!

And for those quoting NSPCC ... you really need to do your homework on that organisation!!

Negligent parent reporting for duty. I left mine at home alone overnight when he was 15. No parties were ever held (that I know of). The place was usually cleaner and tidier when I got back than when I left. Obviously it depends on the kid.

As I said @SavBlancTonight there have been a range of different responses to PPs question. You fall into the first category. I fall into the third. I simply answered OPs question as an evidence based practitioner with what the national guidance on government website is. HCP in NHS and other professional bodies refer to legislation, guidance etc noting whether it's an absolute (a legal requirement of Must do or must not do) or recommended good practice.

What you personally think about the guidance & recommendations quoted (on national government website), as individual parent is your choice and irrelevant to my previous response.

I said several times I am uninterested in debating with individual PPs, as it's irrelevant to me. You need to find someone who is doing the anecdotal / subjective type of responses to debate with.

Im.50 this year but I remember my mum and dad leaving me and my sister for two.weeks when I was 16 and she was 18 ,we had some fab parties ,and yes the house was spotless when they came home 😂

I'm not sure I would at 15, I have a similar scenario but would be leaving him with an older (17) brother (he is working and responsible) and I'm even slightly uneasy about that as it's the first time I've left either. But then again I was renting my own home at 17 and paying bills so totally depends on the child.

I'm going to set alarms in his phone to lock doors at 9pm and text to remind to turn lights off etc, stuff they should do but will likely forget without an adult there.

If there's an evidence base for the NSPCC assertions, they don't provide it anywhere. Its as simple as that.

Wild how much this has changed. I'm a millennial and you'd have been thought of as very weird if you couldn't be left after high school for a few hours.

No they don't
NSPCC is quoted on this specific question on the official HM Gov website. It's not individuals on MN randomly choosing this charity to quote from!

It's not really time for conspiracy theorists
Or perhaps it

If you have factual evidence of NSPCC writing this guidance for corrupt and nefarious reasons, you would be better directing that evidence to the appropriate regulatory or government agencies. I'm sure they would take you extremely seriously.

You specifically said: Of course there will be parents who choose to ignore NSPCC guidance - which is a respected national charity dedicated to the welfare of children and tackling child abuse - for their own personal reasons. Those parents are generally outliers on a bell curve of national parental behaviour. What I think anecdotally is irrelevant.

And you've also made it clear that you consider NSPCC guidelines totally okay, because they're quoted on the gov.uk website. And you have said that individual views of the NSPCC guidelines are "irrelevant"

Those are the points that me and other posters have been pointing out. You seem to think you've got some great "gotcha" moment because you are quoting "official" guidelines and you don't seem to think there's any validity in questioning those guidelines. That's your right, but I am going to continue to think and comment if I think that those guidelines SHOULD be questioned. As have many other people on this thread who think just because those guidelines exist, doesn't mean they need to follow them.

@Molytol
Wild how much this has changed. I'm a millennial and you'd have been thought of as very weird if you couldn't be left after high school for a few hours.

I don't think you've read the original post or peoples relies at all

No one, not even NSPCC has stated that you "can't be left for a few hours after high school"

OP has asked for views about leaving her 15 year old alone at home for a long period of which includes two overnights

We recently were out for two hours in the (late) evening and a guy came to the door while we were out. We’d actually said ‘if anyone comes to the door just don’t answer but ds (15) went upstairs and shut his door and said he was actually ‘kinda scared’ (it sounded more like he was terrified from the way he told it). Turned out it was the pizza delivery guy for next door. I think that’s more your issue- them getting a fright. Saying that with gps 10 mins away I think he’d be fine

I'd probably start with one night with dad near by. Too much of a jump all at once imo

@SavBlancTonight
You are continuing to target me. It's interesting the leaps and assumptions you are making to try to personalise this to anyone you perceive as differing to your view. As I said your individual view is irrelevant to me & continues to be so. You have no idea on my lessons view as I haven't stated it. I've merely shared what the official government guidance is,

If you wish to debate your clearly strong views on the NSPCC etc , you need to find someone who is interested in that.

My eldest is 14 and I couldn’t imagine doing this in a year, but that said it’s more because I think she wouldn’t want it.

Ive just got to the point of leaving her for a few hours in the evening

Mistyped
I meant 'you have no idea on my individual view.. '... (not 'lesson view'!)

@WhereIsMumHiding3
Except the sacred NSPCC guidelines do, in fact, state exactly that, because they state that children under 12 should not be left alone. So what, exactly, is their justification for this?

Terrified at 17? Goodness!

Every child and person is different.

Its normal to be worried about spending the night alone in a big very old house. I don’t like it myself!!

Why would she possibly need help?

Just responded to another poster as to why.

It very much depends on the child. I can't imagine leaving my 14yo overnight when he turns 15 in the summer, but that's mostly because his new best friend lives down the street and is a bit of an eejit and I wouldn't trust him not to turn up and start arsing about. Not worried about drink or drugs btw, just bloody stupid ideas like abseiling over the landing bannister or climbing out onto the roof. DS wouldn't join in (I hope) as he's quite a cautious type, but he'd stand there having a good guffaw as his mate diced with death. My cousin's 15yo DS, on the other hand, could not only be trusted, but would probably give the place a bit of a go over with the vacuum cleaner😃