To ask what age you leave a 15 year old?

[OnlyYellowRoses]

Posting here for the traffic.

Can I ask what age you would be comfortable leaving a 15 (16 in June) home alone overnight, if you would?

DS is doing his best to convince me that IABU for not wanting him to stay in our home for 2 nights, alone whilst I am away visiting partners family.

We would be a 6 hour drive away. His father (not same person as my partner) usually lives a 30 min drive away but this particular weekend would be visiting his own parents 4 hours away.

I'm not comfortable leaving him. He's sensible and not the type to throw wild house parties but I can't help feeling it's irresponsible if both parents are a substantial drive away if an emergency happened.

There is a local set of grandparents who could be here in 10 minutes if there was an issue though.

Thoughts please? Teen obviously thinks I'm very unfair, partner and actual DS father are leaning more towards the 'let him stay' camp.

Please don't personalise it to me

No it doesn't, what it states is very clear

children under 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for a long period of time

The phrases used. being 'for a long period of time' and 'are rarely mature enough' which is quite different to 'few hours after high school' and 'should not..' or ''must not'

And that is not the question OP asked which was about overnight

As I said this the guidance HM Gov choose to specifically quote on their official website
It's not 'my precious NSPCC'

I can only take a logical guess that the posters recently seeking me out who have complained or raised issue with government guidance don't have careers that are regulated by good practice guidance & regulatory body requirements. As there's a general acceptance in most professionals that guidance is there as a framework and take note of the specific language used and what legislation states.

This is what you have to bear in mind. It’s not just how sensible your DS is, it is what his friends could potentially do. He would not be able to stop a huge gathering at the house .
We’re leaving DS who is 15 on his own until probably about 10pm when we go to his older brother’s graduation 100 miles away, but there’s no way I’d leave him overnight and he is sensible.

@WhereIsMumHiding3
The NSPCC is categorical here: "we wouldn't recommend leaving a child under 12 years old home alone, particularly for longer periods of time"

That's their recommendation here, that's the exact guidance that you believe is unimpeachable when it comes to overnight. The thing is, most people are going to recognise that that's nonsense, because high school kids routinely come home on their own. So its then pretty silly to insist that 16 is some kind of universally sanctioned number.

A document telling parents they shouldn't leave their children alone until x number but providing zero explanation for what those recommendations are based on, isn't worth following, frankly.

You don't get to reply, and then insist no-one reply to you, btw.

I can only take a logical guess that the posters recently seeking me out who have complained or raised issue with government guidance don't have careers that are regulated by good practice guidance & regulatory body requirements. As there's a general acceptance in most professionals that guidance is there as a framework and take note of the specific language used and what legislation states.

😂😂😂 FFS, you've said yourself, the NSPCC guidance is GUIDANCE not regulation or legislation. There's no legal requirement to follow it.

I honestly thought it was law to not leave them overnight until they're 16

@Molytol
Please stop personalising this to me
You really need to take your debate to someone that is interested.

I bet your GP/HCP finds you an absolute delight

Anyway, I have a rare day off and was waiting for my hair to dry naturally whilst having a few cups of coffee and listening to some great music!

When I was sixteen my best mate's parents left her home alone for the first time while they went on holiday abroad. We decided to have a small party just inviting a few close friends. It got totally out of control as word got around (small town in Berkshire) with randoms turning up with tons of drink. The house was trashed. It was awful. Her parents had to return home early. Just an awful frightening experience.

@Roundaboot
😂😂😂 FFS, you've said yourself, the NSPCC guidance is GUIDANCE not regulation or legislation. There's no legal requirement to follow it.

Yes roundaboot, I did. And your point is...?

I made exactly that point and that it was recommendation / guidance HM Gov chose to quote and noted the wording on it.

That's how legislation and guidance work. And what is considered good practice and therefore recommended parenting decisions.

Again, not personal opinion. Merely pointed out the official guidance - that any other professionals would have done. Seemingly that offends some ...

Anyway 'I'm sure you'll want to have the last word' so I'll leave you to that

You've made nearly double the number of posts of anyone else in this thread, virtually every single one saying that it is imperative to follow NSPCC guidance.

Of course people are going to quote you!

For example, thousands of 11 and 12 year olds are routinely left alone all day long because their parents work and there is no childcare for children of that age in school holidays. While the NSPCC might advise against it, the reality of many people's lives means that it happens. And those children are fine.

@WhereIsMumHiding3
Not the most logical thinker, are you?

Oh that's so disingenuous it made me laugh!!

I'll leave the floor to you

No it's not

I've already said I'm a social worker. No you would not automatically be charged with neglect. Only if you're actually culpable.

A 15 year old in our neighbourhood invited a few friends round on a Saturday night. Her parents went out. Unbeknown to her the invitation / news there was a parent free house went round Snapchat / WhatsApp. Her parents arrived home to find the house trashed. They’d stolen money, jewellery, handbags and clothes. Broken furniture and a chair went through the window.

the girl was absolutely distraught and powerless to stop the intruders.

This is in a nice, respectable neighbourhood. Don’t underestimate how quickly things can get out of control and how little agency children - because a 15 year old is legally a child - can have in SOME circumstances.

whatever decisions you make you need to be able to POTENTIALLY justify them to the police, the courts and to yourself.

I don’t care what you did in the 90s. We were all there, you aren’t special. The world is different now and we have to parent for now, not then.

@WhereIsMumHiding3 I'm perfectly serious, you somehow have decided that I don't work in a professional job, and my GP must despise me, because:
I don't blindly follow arbitrary recommendations. That's illogical.

I would leave him no problem. Surely he's self sufficient at 15?!
I would leave him some money for a takeaway one night then get him a ready meal for the other night or snack stuff. Or instant noodles. They all seem to love noodles at that age.

So is your plan to never leave your children home alone?

Again, you are being ridiculous. What is it with posters on this thread?!

No I wouldn’t leave A CHILD overnight. When they are an adult YES I WOULD.

fucking hell. Leaving this now!

I'm not being ridiculous. You're citing an example which could just as easily happen to a 17 year old as it did to a 15 year old.

Thanks for all the replies. Sorry to take a while to come back, been at work.
Staying alone over night then seems a complete judgement call I guess.
Staying at grandparents isn't an option but they would probably pop in a couple of times to check he's ok.

Like I said, he's very sensible, can use a phone and even though he hasn't been in an emergency situation, I like to think he would react appropriately.

Ideally, I'd like him to go with his dad to see his dads family, it's his weekend to have him so would be good but ultimately he's getting old enough now to make those choices of whether to go or not.

Thanks for your input. I think I'll go with my gut and make sure I'm confident he'd be checked in on a bit by my parents and that he'd react properly for flood/fire etc

I wouldn’t do it

But that could also happen to.a 16 year old ,my son is 16 and in year 11 ,he was 16 at Xmas but there will be some kids in the same year that are not 16 until August you don't mature,on an arbitrary date.
It depends on the 15/16 year old surely!

Social media is the key - far more relevant than the likelihood of floods imo (which no one really knows how they’d react to until it happens).

If the teen is likely to mention on SM then disaster is likely.

if not then they should be fine at 15.

@MaireadMcSweeney www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.nidirect.gov.uk/articles/leaving-children-home-alone%23:~:text%3Dbabies%252C%2520toddlers%2520and%2520very%2520young,not%2520be%2520left%2520alone%2520overnight&ved=2ahUKEwjBwdDoytH9AhWSQkEAHZoVBgEQFnoECAkQBQ&usg=AOvVaw3kGijuj_qwmKTIMUeWqsEf maybe it doesn't say it is illegal but it is ill-advised and could lead to all kinds of issues...

Sorry I've been itching to say this. The answer is 15. You can only leave a 15 year old when they're 15...

But to answer your intended Q, lve left my daughter at 15 overnight but she's not been responsible for younger siblings or anything. For me at that age it would be more about do I trust them to behave rather than their welfare.
My son's an adult now. I'd be more concerned about him leaving the house unlocked/losing the key, jumping on a dining chair and breaking it, letting the bath over run etc at his age than my daughter at 15. In fact my daughter at 12. At 17 though I'd have been concerned my daughter might have a party.
I think a 15/16 year old should be able to look after themselves safely for a weekend. Do you trust him to not have troublesome mates round that he can't handle?