To ask what age you leave a 15 year old?

[OnlyYellowRoses]

Posting here for the traffic.

Can I ask what age you would be comfortable leaving a 15 (16 in June) home alone overnight, if you would?

DS is doing his best to convince me that IABU for not wanting him to stay in our home for 2 nights, alone whilst I am away visiting partners family.

We would be a 6 hour drive away. His father (not same person as my partner) usually lives a 30 min drive away but this particular weekend would be visiting his own parents 4 hours away.

I'm not comfortable leaving him. He's sensible and not the type to throw wild house parties but I can't help feeling it's irresponsible if both parents are a substantial drive away if an emergency happened.

There is a local set of grandparents who could be here in 10 minutes if there was an issue though.

Thoughts please? Teen obviously thinks I'm very unfair, partner and actual DS father are leaning more towards the 'let him stay' camp.

I left mine for 4 nights aged 15.5.

I was in hospital. Have loads of (my) friends and family within a couple of miles. He wanted to stay home. He was a very sensible kid.

I'm a social worker and more than happy with my well considered decision.

Yes but I'm sure even the NSPCC would understand that there is a huge difference in a child who.is about to.turn 16 in a couple of months than say a five year old .

And so are SS and the police if anything happened to an under 16 you would be charged with neglect.

Exactly!
Maturity happens gradually.
Maturity and responsibility happens THROUGH being left in sole charge of house.

If they are sensible, a boy of almost 16 is plenty old enough to be left for a few days.

No, but they are based on averages. As a pp said - it's not like the day a child turns 16 he/she magically becomes mature.

And guidelines change all the time. even just what was recommended to me for pregnancy and then weaning etc changed between DC1 and DC2.

You might want to look a bit more into the NSPCC @WhereIsMumHiding3 before describing them as a respected organisation

I don't think it is?

no no and many times no.

It's not how sensible HE is - all it needs is one dickhead "friend" to spread the word "party" on SM, thinking it would be funny, and you have a trashed house. and yes, I think they all have at least one dickhead friend who might do that, no matter how lovely they are.

One knows if a teenager is sensible and mature enough to be left.
Especially these days with good phones.

All the people are terrified that something might happen - how do you cope when your child is in a car or at a friend's house etc? Or do you just think that bad things don't happen if good/responsible people are around?

Don't get me wrong, I understand the instinct to think that with someone responsible something bad is less likely to happen, but I just don't understand this level of fear. SIL is going to be one of those parents who doesn't let her DC out of the house alone until they're about 15 because she's absolutely terrified of children being snatched. I just don't understand how she lives like that.

The problem is there are probably adults who shouldnt be left alone and unattended!!! or others that would not possibly stay overnight in thier own home on thier own! so obviously teenagers are the same.

Once you get to a certain age its more about the individual than how many times they have orbited the sun.

So the questions to ask are:

Would I leave them during the day? Houses are actually more likely to be burgled during the day while everyone is out at work! houses also burn down during the day. Night time isnt massively different in terms of risk.

Can I trust them to lock up the house?

Are they able to cook (not necessarly a full roast dinner) but either chuck somethinig in the oven, boil some pasta, reheat something in the microwave. Can they use a sharp knife to cut salad up etc?

Would they throw a party? would they have friends who might turn up and throw a party?

Do they know what to do in an emergency eg if the power goes out? is there a torch handy? Do they know how to get out of the house.

How soon could an adult - friend, family or neighbour get to them in an emergency eg illness or accident?

Do you have a contact process in place? we have a policy that we will text every so often, if they dont reply to the text withiin 10 minutes then we ring and then if we were to get no answer we would send someone round.

Teenagers should be being equipped with skills to help them trhough life. I know someone who broke thier leg and none of the age 18+ men in her house could even chuck a ready made lasagen in the oven or make a cup of tea! so many kids are going to uni now and just have no idea how to do anything not even boil an egg or wash thier clothes. That is a failing on the parents (special needs aside).

My 12 year old went to scout camp last weekend, they had to put up thier own tents, cook thier own dinner with food they had planned and taken along themselves, amuse themselves, and cook thier own breakfast. Obviously adults were there overseeing but the point was that they were doing it all themselves and an adult would only step in if something dangerous. The kids all did fine, some didn't cook thier pasta long enough or didnt wear enough warm layers at night but that is a learning curve for them and next time they will do it differently.
Parents needs to be gradually teaching thier kids skills so that when they do need or want to leave them alone for a day or overnight they can be more confident that thier children are equipped to cope.

This is how I feel as well.
I didn’t leave either of mine alone overnight until they were over 16, I did leave them both together at probably 14 and 17, definitely by the time the oldest was 18. I occasionally leave my nearly 16 year old for one night now and I would be happy to leave him longer if that came up. I know he’s ok and safe, I am sure he’d cope with an emergency, but I don’t want him to need to and I don’t want him to feel like he’s less of a priority than anything else in my life. He basically ignores me, goes off and does his own thing, has his own life (as he should do) pops up to see what food is available at regular intervals, but he knows that I am there for him.
I wouldn’t have left mine for the situation mentioned in the OP but I’d be gradually preparing for doing it soon. It seems too long and too far for the first time.

I don't need to. I merely stated that on the official government website they chose to directly quote and refer to NSPCC recommendations.

Your individual views of the NSPCC as a national charity are irrelevant, as are mine.

A big no from me. You too far away and over night is not something I would ever consider. Although a teen he is still a child

No, actually, individual views are NOT irrelevant. These are guidelines. I am absolutely going to take the time to understand the organisation making the guidelines and the methodology they have used to establish them before I decide whether or not I am going to accept the guidelines. "national charity" status doesn't immediately confer legitimacy on them for me.

Hell, in a sensible democracy, we'd do the same for actual laws. We vote for parties and politicians who want to enact laws that we, broadly, agree with. We don't just accept everything as gospel truth because, "the government".

Being left alone, and being given that independence, made me feel competent and trusted and had only positive long term effects. If her DS did not WANT to stay at home, then sure, this argument might apply as he could feel abandoned/forced into something. But OP's specifically said that it's her DS who is desperate to do this.

Just like my DS ws desperate to be allowed to walk to his friend's house or to the shops alone and when we agreed, it was a massive validation for him.

I wouldn't leave him.

My youngest is 16, he is 17 in December this year. I'd possibly consider leaving him for one night as he approaches 17, so maybe later in the summer. This would be dependant on his adult sister checking in on him and we also have outdoor cameras everywhere so would soon spot a potential party 😀

I wouldn't leave a 15 year old at home alone, responsible for his wellbeing and the house for 48 hours. Why can't he go sleep in grandparents couch for the nights.

My parents went abroad without me when I was 15! Not saying I would do the same but a couple of nights with family nearby probably yes

Totally depends on how much you trust him and how independent he is. I stopped going on family holidays when I was 15/16 and stayed on my own for up to two weeks. Loved that smell of freedom. I had a summer job and hang out with friends. Never had any wild party either.
My grandparents lived in town and I went to theirs a few times for dinner, but they also never checked on me.
This was about 20 years ago so not ages ago, but also in the day before video calls, Nest cameras, etc.

I'd say two nights is a good way to start.

My issue with the NSPCC guidelines is that they provide absolutely no explanation of what they are based on, so it comes across very much as though 16 is, in fact, completely arbitrary- and the part about being 12 to be left alone is complete nonsense, frankly.

I think it's completely fine. Kids are so mollycoddled these days. I would want a boy to be independent and able to cope if anything should happen to me. We really are raising a generation of snowflakes

But that's your child. You clearly don't trust him not to do something stupid. The OP's son isn't yours.

That's why these are guidelines and not laws.

@WhereIsMumHiding3 - it would be phenomenally stupid of anyone to blindly follow advice from an organisation they have no faith in.

Yes I'd feel a bit depressed if I'd raised a son who couldn't cope on his own at 15.