To ask what age you leave a 15 year old?

[OnlyYellowRoses]

Posting here for the traffic.

Can I ask what age you would be comfortable leaving a 15 (16 in June) home alone overnight, if you would?

DS is doing his best to convince me that IABU for not wanting him to stay in our home for 2 nights, alone whilst I am away visiting partners family.

We would be a 6 hour drive away. His father (not same person as my partner) usually lives a 30 min drive away but this particular weekend would be visiting his own parents 4 hours away.

I'm not comfortable leaving him. He's sensible and not the type to throw wild house parties but I can't help feeling it's irresponsible if both parents are a substantial drive away if an emergency happened.

There is a local set of grandparents who could be here in 10 minutes if there was an issue though.

Thoughts please? Teen obviously thinks I'm very unfair, partner and actual DS father are leaning more towards the 'let him stay' camp.

If you are asking on a public forum - no.

I would leave my DD confidently. I would not need to ask.

Certainly do not rely "on grandparents10 mins away" or the fact that "he has a phone".

You are prioritising your partner.

My parents left me home alone for 3 weeks when I was 15. They went to France on holiday (I didn't want to come) and wrote me a couple of letters during the time. No phonecalls. All grandparents 3hrs away. I loved it! It was the summer after my GCSEs and I had a job to go to every day. I loved my independence.

Depends on your teen, but if he's happy and sensible I wouldn't have any concerns about one night when you can be reached by phone if he has worries and he has grandparents round the corner.

12 year olds not left unattended!?

Fine for a short time IME, depending the child obviously.

Didn’t end well for Piggy.

This could be a headline post in itself. Some people use it as a sport almost to see how fast they can upset someone, forgetting that it is a human at the other end. Some forget themselves and have low standards and swear away the way a young teenager might to impress but just look pathetic. Some get cross if you go over the line of what they feel is 'their' websites view of how things should be. That generally is most men are lazy, bad and women are put upon. And more....

In the late 90s I was 15. My mother went abroad with her new husband for 2 weeks, and left me to my own devices to look after a large house, 2 cats and a dog. I was very sensible. It went perfectly well, everything got done. I was perfectly safe and felt terribly grown up if a little lonely when I hurt myself and there was noone there to tell.
As an adult I dont remember it as a good thing. In fact I remember it as an example of how everything was more important to her than I was.

I guess what I'm saying is that maybe you shouldnt be asking yourself if he would be okay, but more should he have to be?

Depends on the child. Parties would be my main issue. Don’t underestimate how easily these can get out of hand.

One night yes, two nights, probably not.

I have a 15 year old although not 16 until next January. I often wonder what age he could be left overnight. I wouldn’t yet and will probably wait until he’s 16 and even then feel a bit uncomfortable !

My partner left home when he was 16 and lived on his own 🤷‍♀️
15 to me sounds fine, especially if grandparents are 10 minutes away. Maybe speak to one of his friends parents that live nearby in case he needed anything.

Nearly 16, with grandparents 10 minutes away (and presumably able to drop by and check in with him) I'd do one night, but agree 2 is pushing it.
We left ds aged 15 first for a very late return (we were out 3pm to 2am) so he had to feed the animals, lock up for the night etc. Then a night when he had just turned 16, then 2 night a few months later. No grandparents or family around though

I am not sure I understand.

They are all fine to be left during the day, but night time is when they would feel scared and need an adult in the house. They would be nervous locking up and turning all lights off etc.

Unless it was beans on toast or microwave noodles the twins would struggle to eat 😂

@Roundaboot

You're making a number of assumptions. As said already, I simply copied out the official statement by HM Gov on their website including that specifically quote NSPCC guidance that "children under 16 should not be left alone overnight. "

Of course there will be parents who choose to ignore NSPCC guidance - which is a respected national charity dedicated to the welfare of children and tackling child abuse - for their own personal reasons. Those parents are generally outliers on a bell curve of national parental behaviour. What I think anecdotally is irrelevant.

I find it interesting the pattern of responses.

1. Many people answer from their personal perspective using anecdotal stories.

2.Others want to debate the extremes of what could happen if you do or don't, and if under certain scenarios either the parent could be prosecuted or put under safeguarding enquiry as a result of their decision to.

3. As an evidence based practitioner, I answered simply with what the policies, procedures and good practice guidance states.

Of course there will be parents who choose to ignore NSPCC guidance - which is a respected national charity dedicated to the welfare of children and tackling child abuse

And employing Gimp Suit Wank at Work Man.

Your 17 DD would be "terrified"?

If that's really the case, I hope you're seeking help and support for her

Consider what the friends are like really. Or perhaps just anyone he knows.
So many will get to know the house has no adults in it. Not that he would advertise it. One post on SM or a conversation and everyone will know. And lo and behold a party. And then people invite people who your 15 year old doesn't know at all. Their ability to manage peer pressure, emergency situations or realise what to do when something is going wrong is key.

There is a world away from being 18 and going off to university and being 15. When you are maturing 3 years is a lot of time.

That's an unnecessary & disgusting post Sinnerboy It is also irrelevant

We mollycoddle children far too much these days. He is almost 16, just go.

I said earlier I didn't leave one of my DDs home alone overnight until she was 18. That didn't mean I mollycoddled her, she went to festivals, abroad on hols etc with friends before 18.

It's just I didn't trust her or her friends, with our house that we have put a lot of money and effort into. She would have ended up having parties and doing something daft. I wouldn't have relaxed on hols wondering what she was up to. She did become more sensible and mature but until that we planned our holidays when she was away so we could lock up the house and have a stress free hols.

It is illegal to leave an under-16 alone overnight.

It's entirely relevant. You're claiming that the NSPCC is "respected national charity" and implying that if you don't follow their guidance, you're a bad parent.
@SinnerBoy has quite rightly pointed out that many people don't respect the NSPCC due to some really quite bad decisions they've made

Of course there will be parents who choose to ignore NSPCC guidance - which is a respected national charity dedicated to the welfare of children and tackling child abuse - for their own personal reasons. Those parents are generally outliers on a bell curve of national parental behaviour. What I think anecdotally is irrelevant.

Well sure, but there's all kinds of guidance and recommendations out there that I'd question the validity of. Controversially - the zero alcohol in pregnancy which, based on the actual reading and research I've done seems silly. DH would question many of the rules and guidelines around drug use - he has strong, informed, opinions about what is and isn't acceptable and should be allowed/not allowed.

Overall, I tend to question most guidance that suggests that we should be molly coddling children and discouraging independence. I think there needs to be a more nuanced approach to Victorian-era attitudes of sending them to work at 11/marrying them off etc vs today's too-frequent attitude of "god forbid this child should ever be expected to do anything for himself"

Makes me laugh how many people seem to think something occurs on the exact day of your birthday that magically bestows maturity and independence.

The boy is 15y 9mo. Absurd to say “no because he’s not 16”. Maybe he’s mature and sensible enough to be left, maybe not, but judging it purely on exact date of birth is just daft.

I disagree. you've just got to look at the child labour laws, and child safeguarding guidance, and reaction to child SA scandals - child welfare is more an issue these days.

Things were not so much better "years ago"

The NSPCC don't pull their guidance and recommendations out of thin air.

@OnlyYellowRoses
I was left at 15 for over three weeks in London house while family went to France on holiday.

I used to leave my son at 15 while I went away, too ( for weekend)
IF you trust your son to be sensible, it’s fine.

Will he remember to lock up properly when he goes out?

It does depend on trustworthiness of child.

No wild parties!