Last minute invite to a christening where parents do not speak to me.

[Truelyfuckedoff]

The long and short of it is my brother and his partner have not acknowledged me in quite some time due to family crap basically. They have two kids, one I barely saw and one I have yet to meet. I have never even been sent a photo of child two. I have a partner of over a year and a son who my brother never contacts but leaves gifts in my mums house for xmas and bday.

Today a phonecall giving me and my ds an invite to their kids joint christening this coming sunday. Not contacted me or ds but apparently through my mum have given a verbal invite to a christening with a sit down meal. Just me and ds no partner. Stated specifically not my partner as they have not met him as they do not talk to me.

I have not seen my partner in two weeks due to work and illness. I will see him from 5pm sat night till 5pm sunday this week as we have each kids and work commitments etc. I am so very much looking forward to seeing him and spending time with him. Ds was to go to my mum for the night but now does not want to as does not want to attend christening.

I have said no. My mum thinks this could heal everything in the family and could i not just get my partner to leave my home at 10am so I can go to the christening. She thinks I am being unreasonable to not just give up a few hours with my partner for this christening. I think that A) had they wanted me there I would have been invited personally and B) that i would have been invited in January when the other people were invited instead of 7pm on a thursday evening especially to the christening of kids whose parents do not acknowledge me, so far not acknowledged the fact I am the kids aunts and certainly not acknowledged my relationship.

Aibu for not going?

I would go. Might be last only chance and they are family. Life is short. You may never meet this collection of people in one room again.
Go and be grateful, humble and optimistic.

I don't know any of her side and any of my side I do not speak to either due to same family crap.

Are you sure you are invited and this isn't some idea of your mum to force a reconciliation (I could see my own mum doing that tbh)

I suppose you could go, play nice, see what happens. That would be the bigger thing to do.

If you really don't want to go then send a nice message saying you really appreciate the invitation but unfortunately had already made plans that couldn't be changed and send a gift with your mum.

Thing is I have no phone numbers for either of them. They blocked me a year ago and i just deleted their numbers then. I do wonder if it is a ploy of my mums which would nauseate me as shes very economical with the truth but also I dont feel I should give up time with the man that has the utmost respect for me to be in the company of people who do not even speak to me. My brother literally ignored me like he was going for olympic gold at a family thing a year ago. It was sickening.

Depends what your end aim is. If you don't go this may be the last olive branch you are ever offered. If you do it might just pave the way for more cordial relations moving forward.

Why did they cut you off?

They asked for the truth on a family rumour. I told the truth and they wanted me to pretend it was a lie. Unfortunately with me you only get the truth and if it means people not speaking to me again then c'est la vie. I cannot change who I am.

Your mum is deluding herself if she thinks that you going to a big family occasion where your brother and his partner are busy with a ceremony, meal, their own children and all the rest of the guests, is going to be a good opportunity for reconciliation. I also agree with the poster who wonders if this whole thing has been cooked up by your mum and will be a shock to everyone else when you arrive.

Nah I wouldn't go. Family can be who you choose. They couldn't even be arsed to ask you direct. And with no notice!! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I'd prioritise partner.

Up till now they were mentally dead to me. My brother has verbally abused me in the past and my partner is living proof that I am worthy of respect which my brother said I was not. I had no idea they were even religious so this christening surprises me too. I myself am atheist.

Life is short and generally (I’m aware not always the case with abuse etc) family are family and it’s sometimes just easier to swallow your pride and just go along. It’s a lot easier for most people if there’s some kind of civil relationship. I’d go were it me, there will be next weekend with your partner, there won’t be another Christening.

My thoughts exactly. That she is inviting me hoping my brother will just shut up and put up in front of others including my ds. If they wanted us there they could have sent a card as they know where I live.

I am doing. Im not giving up hours of precious time with a man that treats me like a princess for people that have treated me like shite. My boundaries are firmly in place on this one.

Next weekend is not guaranteed with my partner either as our jobs are hectically busy and we both have kids and other things going on. We do normally get each weekend but this month is messy. I also think life is short so I want to spend my short few years left with people who make me happy and not feel on edge.

Somebody may have talked your brother into inviting you and your DS to the joint christening, or persuaded him, in an effort to heal any dissagreements from the past. This may explain you recieving a late but verbal invite.

Its up to you what you choose to do but make sure what ever desision you make, your happy with.

Seems a bit mean for them/him to have left your partner out, you may have needed his support.

I have no reason to think this and certainly no evidence but i bet your mums asked if you can come. Shes tried tonplay peace maker maybe saying you commented/were hurt you werent invited....etc, etc.....they've relented and said, oh OK, they can come and are ready to 'make ammends'.
Now your mum looks stupid because you're not going. It's actually made things worse.
Ask her

I would definitely NOT go. Just because they also dont know your partner doesnt mean he cannot come with you.
Your brother sounds like a real piece of work too. Go do something nice with your family not with a toxic lot

I'm agreeing with PPs who think your mother is engineering this.

Imo the ceremony will go tits up and you will be blamed op.
Stay home.

Surround yourself with people who care about you. Sometimes that's not family. Enjoy your time with your partner.

You have made your decision a year ago.

Stick to it.

Beware of your mother manipulating you.

@Irridescantshimmmer I agree with all the above especially leaving him out. It was mean.

@JudgeRudy unfortunately when asking my mum anything I always expect the answer to be a lie. She is not great with truth and has past history of pitting her kids against each other.

@Densol57 Agreed. I should stick with who treats me well not badly.

@HellonHeels I have instructed her that if one of them contact me or ds then I will chat to them. I have yet to receive a call or message. If they truly wanted us there they would pick up a phone. Ds has not got them blocked and I am not asking for his phone to contact either myself.

@Bunnyishotandcross @butterfliedtwo @billy1966 I have made the right decision. Always stick with who treats you right over who treats you shite. Boundary issues have always been a thing in my family and I am trying to stick to mine instead of giving in which is what my mum obviously thinks I will do.

Good for you.

I wouldn’t. Not a chance!