Last minute invite to a christening where parents do not speak to me.

[Truelyfuckedoff]

The long and short of it is my brother and his partner have not acknowledged me in quite some time due to family crap basically. They have two kids, one I barely saw and one I have yet to meet. I have never even been sent a photo of child two. I have a partner of over a year and a son who my brother never contacts but leaves gifts in my mums house for xmas and bday.

Today a phonecall giving me and my ds an invite to their kids joint christening this coming sunday. Not contacted me or ds but apparently through my mum have given a verbal invite to a christening with a sit down meal. Just me and ds no partner. Stated specifically not my partner as they have not met him as they do not talk to me.

I have not seen my partner in two weeks due to work and illness. I will see him from 5pm sat night till 5pm sunday this week as we have each kids and work commitments etc. I am so very much looking forward to seeing him and spending time with him. Ds was to go to my mum for the night but now does not want to as does not want to attend christening.

I have said no. My mum thinks this could heal everything in the family and could i not just get my partner to leave my home at 10am so I can go to the christening. She thinks I am being unreasonable to not just give up a few hours with my partner for this christening. I think that A) had they wanted me there I would have been invited personally and B) that i would have been invited in January when the other people were invited instead of 7pm on a thursday evening especially to the christening of kids whose parents do not acknowledge me, so far not acknowledged the fact I am the kids aunts and certainly not acknowledged my relationship.

Aibu for not going?

Yes, say you are busy but would love to hear from them. Spolier - you won’t!

So your mother is a liar with form for pitting her children against each other?

You're definitely doing the right thing saying you'll go if they invite you themselves rather than via your mum.

Hope you have a lovely weekend with your partner.

@Ritasueandbobtoo9 and I have been ill all week too anyway so best I keep away from people in general but yes if they did contact me which I doubt then I will be saying I am busy.

@HellonHeels thanks so much! ds is now going to his pals for a sleepover instead as he doesnt want to go to a christening either and definitely not without me. Im raising one with more loyalties and boundaries than were ever afforded to me as a kid. Break the cycle!

I’m going to hazard a guess that your mum could potentially be the one who has persuaded them to invite you last minute. I could understand if you had been with partner for a couple of months but over a year and not to get invite to christening again feels like a show of lack of respect.

I would turn down the christening especially as it sounds like they’ve treated you poorly in the past but say if they ever wanted to reach out and sort out what happened last year then you’re more than happy to chat about it.

I would NOT go. I would rather spend the time with my dp as that time is so limited. It would seem to me to be putting him second to a rude relative's whim if I went. Quite possible that someone fell out last minute and they don't want to waste the catering so your mum persuaded them...

I would send a very nice thanks for invite via my mum, sorry couldn't come, here's a small gift for child (and I'd make it small).

Then I'd see what the fall out is and if you think there's space for a relationship between you. If it seems like a bit of a peace could break out then contact him again at greater length.

@Lilyandroses he has treated me badly over the years, silent treatment and all that. He is still giving me the silent treatment so if he has invited me its a massive shock anyway but I guess unless they call I will never know. I always think a verbal invite through another person is almost like listening to gossip and never to be trusted. Especially when the third party is prone to lies.

@Jux you are right. I need to spend my limited time with the man who loves me not the people who make me feel inferior. I do not have time to pick up a gift right now but will send one via post maybe so that in years to come the kids know their aunt was thinking about them even if she was not in photos. That is if they tell them I am their aunt. We had a family album of pics i was added to when the oldest was born but to be spiteful my brother changed my name from 'Aunt X' to just 'X' in a bid to humiliate me. I finally commented on it months later and was deleted from the online album. Mind games. I do not like to play them.

I would not go. It’s not an olive branch if it doesn’t come with a message directly from them. It could be a really difficult occasion. Just make an excuse

I was considering an excuse but sure if they do not speak directly to me nor invite me directly then technically I do not know for sure of this christening even happening so my excuse is I was not invited/did not know although my reason is now and always will be that I cannot be in a room with people who do not acknowledge me. All it took was a call or card if we were wanted there. I do not think we were. I will now never know.

I have no doubt someone somewhere will be willing to let you know. Don't waste your time on any of them.

my partner is living proof that I am worthy of respect
What a weird thing to say.

Hard to tell who is at fault for the original falling out (I've known a few "I am who I am" "I tell the truth and if you don't like it too bad") but I wouldn't be going because someone else told me I was invited 🤷‍♀️

Invitation through mummy? They can jog on.

I wouldn't go because it's a car crash waiting to happen event. As @Truelyfuckedoff said she wasn't invited in the normal way in January. Her brother doesn't sound very nice. Why put yourself and other guests through it. Have a lovely weekend with your partner.

My brother told me i would be single forever because nobody will ever respect me and i am too hard to love. My partner has shown me this is not true.

in which case definitely don’t go, don’t reply to a non invitation, and don’t think any more about it!

easier said than done I do know!

If your db wanted to reconcile with you, there are a million better times and opportunities than inviting you to a christening at the last minute, when they will be busy and distracted.

Thanks for all the input MN'ers. Still no contact shockingly enough so I am going to go to bed early and get rid of this dreadful illness I have had and be fully healthy for seeing my wonderful man on Saturday. If anyone gets in contact I will update but don't go holding your breaths now ladies and gents ;)

I wouldn't go without a proper invitation.
If you feel you might be burning bridges and want to be the bigger person you could send a christening card for the baby

A christening is not that place to try and 'heal' everything

I wouldn't go either

I wouldn't go, not because of how you feel as such but from the perspective that your relationship is soured, and you don't feel that the Christening is a good place to start rebuilding those burnt bridges. I'd be respectful and thank them for the invitation, maybe send a gift and be open to meeting should they wish in a non formal situation. As much as you may dislike them, I'm sure you wouldn't want then to feel you were the cause if it for ruining their day should situations erupt.

Don't go.

Either your brother is being hugely disrespectful by leaving a very late invite with your mother, or, she's not telling the truth.

They won't make you feel welcome, you don't want to go, don't punish yourself.

Maybe your mum could take your child with her, but don't put yourself out.

I would go to your neice/nephew's christening.

You sound like hard work.

All this bollocks people keep spewing about 'they're family'. So what?

I do find all this my wonderful man, who treats me like a princess, a bit much.

So if you were single or with an utter arse you would go to the Christening?