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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sitting in a reserved seat on a train

174 replies

SummaLuvin · 09/03/2023 20:59

AIBU to think there is nothing wrong with sitting in a reserved seat on a train providing you move quickly and without fuss if the booker comes along?

I always look for an unreserved seat, but if there isn’t one I take my chances. Frequently the person who reserved it never shows up - whether they miss the train, can’t get to the seat as it’s so busy, or can’t be bothered to find their seat as it’s quiet… If no-one ever sat in these reserved seats then on busy trains the aisles and areas between carriages would be even more crowded, so I see it as more of an issue for them to be left vacant. But some people seem to think it’s a faux pas to ever sit in a seat that is reserved. What’s the general consensus?

OP posts:
BeetleyCarapace · 10/03/2023 08:41

It’s minor dickhead behaviour in my book. Not a dreadful thing, but not decent citizen-ing either.

I agree with pp that the train companies (or rolling stock manufacturers) need to improve booking systems and reservation displays though.

Leftbutcameback · 10/03/2023 09:00

With the fast trains I get on if you didn’t sit in a reserved seat there would just be more people standing and getting in the way. As it is it’s impossible to walk through the carriage. Everyone just sits down as quickly as possible and then sorts it out later.

The passengers who cause the biggest problems are those who take ages to take off coat, get everything out of their bag, put stuff above seat and settle in. That causes a massive blockage!

Leftbutcameback · 10/03/2023 09:02

Also should say that as I do a short portion of a longer route it’s not possible to reserve for those doing the short section, and we’re happy to stand (normally for about 20 min), at which point the train half empties. It’s just not a very good system having short distance commuters on a train with people travelling for up to 5 hours.

Original poster
SummaLuvin · 10/03/2023 09:05

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 08:39

uncomfortable doing it myself - but I don't know what the solution is?

Just be aware when you arrive at the station a seat is booked from and pay attention to what is going on. If you get on at X and the seat is booked from Y then be aware and prepared to stand up and move when the train starts boarding at Y.

I do, I'm like a meerkat from the time when people are boarding to when everyone is settled, even between stations I am a little on edge. But a not insignificant minority on this thread have said they categorically do not ask or approach - some have said they are unable, others have said autism makes it not an option so for those people this still isn't a solution.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 10/03/2023 09:07

@SummaLuvin it is a solution because if someone looks like they've booked a seat that you're in you can say "do you have a seat booked?" Or "sorry, am I in your seat?" And they're much more likely to be able to say yes or nod than they are to instigate the conversation.

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 09:08

@SummaLuvin

It is a solution. When someone approaches the seat you take the lead and stand or say 'oh is this your seat?' because you are the one in the reserved seat.

I couldn't ask you but if I walk towards my booked seat and you are paying attention you will see me looking at the reservations and then stopping by mine. That's a huge cue for you to move. Words are not actually needed, just awareness.

I'm sorry I am unable to ask, but if you sit in a booked seat you are able to take responsibility.

Verylongtime · 10/03/2023 09:11

I think it’s fine, but the onus is on the sitter to be on the lookout for the seat-reserver and for the sitter to say, “I’m in your seat, I’ll move, no probs.”

TheGenerousGardener · 10/03/2023 09:14

I'm normally confident, but find the whole issue of reserved seats on trains makes me nervous. I don't like asking people to move ever since someone flatly refused to move out of my seat. The trains we went on most recently were clearly signed to show which parts of the journey they were reserved for. I'd not expect someone to be in my seat in those circs.

Roundandnour · 10/03/2023 09:25

.My ds will not confront anyone and instead messages me in a panic asking what to do.
He knows the coach and seat number. Knows before boarding where his seat is. Someone is sitting there he will walk past.

It’s really not fair to put people in this situation when you don’t know anything about them. You cannot see their anxiety, their mh, their ASD.

I now have to beg the platform staff to let me get him on the train with him and to his seat, as not all assistance staff are pleasant when it comes to hidden disabilities.

evemillbank · 10/03/2023 09:28

@SummaLuvin surely the solution is for you to start booking your own seat.

TheGoogleMum · 10/03/2023 09:30

Yeah I think I'd do what you do - try to find unreserved if possible but if no luck sit in reserved and hope booker doesn't show as they don't always, but be happy to move if they do show

SherbertDabs · 10/03/2023 09:31

I once asked someone to move from my reserved seat - two ladies sitting together. The carriage was otherwise empty but usually filled up at the next stop. One moved to the aisle seat opposite and I sat down. The train didn't fill up at all and they spoke over me for the rest of the journey. Was highly embarrassing but I couldn't move after I'd made the point of asking for MY chair. They must've thought I was a right weirdo.

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 09:49

Roundandnour · 10/03/2023 09:25

.My ds will not confront anyone and instead messages me in a panic asking what to do.
He knows the coach and seat number. Knows before boarding where his seat is. Someone is sitting there he will walk past.

It’s really not fair to put people in this situation when you don’t know anything about them. You cannot see their anxiety, their mh, their ASD.

I now have to beg the platform staff to let me get him on the train with him and to his seat, as not all assistance staff are pleasant when it comes to hidden disabilities.

None of these things are deemed as an excuse by others though. I haven't disclosed why I cannot ask for a seat and I don't intend to but it has been minimised as a choice and someone had the audacity to assume a 'non-physical' reason with a strong undertone of unless it's a physical disability it doesn't count. Saddening.

Original poster
SummaLuvin · 10/03/2023 09:49

evemillbank · 10/03/2023 09:28

@SummaLuvin surely the solution is for you to start booking your own seat.

As I previously explained the majority of my travel is commuting on a season ticket which allows unlimited journeys in a specific area - in my region of the UK it is not possible to book seats when you have a season ticket. If I booked each way from work individually I could get a seat, but it would cost way more almost £200 per month instead of £80.

OP posts:
evemillbank · 10/03/2023 09:53

@SummaLuvin Yes but that's the point really, if you want the luxury of a reserved seat you need to pay. You are essentially hoping for someone not to be brave enough to ask you to get out of their seat which they have paid extra to reserve. It's just a bit crappy of you.

phoenixrosehere · 10/03/2023 10:11

This annoys me because someone either pretends to be surprised they’re sitting in a reserved spot, or doesn’t think to apologise as they vacate it. I’m very polite when I ask, yet some have argued with me (they’re in the wrong car) or make a show of leaving the seat with an exaggerated sigh as if I caused the issue by purchasing a ticket in advance and sitting in the seat assigned to me. The trains I ride have the red/ green lights showing whether a seat is reserved and between what stops. Some also say, available til stop xyz.

RockaLock · 10/03/2023 10:23

It's clearly a very long time since I travelled long distance on a train. When I did, seat reservations were indicated by a paper ticket stuck to the top of the seat.

I had no idea that some trains have fancy electronic indicators now.

Oblomov23 · 10/03/2023 10:27

Hmm. Yes I suppose it's ok. But you shouldn't really, it's not yours it's mine, I've booked it for when I get on the train. I don't actually expect to see somebody sitting in my seat that I've booked. Yes your'll move but it may take a couple of minutes to collect your bag and coat. and really I shouldn't be subjected to that.

Plus from your point of view, what's the point? where are you going to go, now? Presumably it's busy and there aren't many seats - which is why are you sat in my seat in the first place so you now they're gonna struggle to get a seat. Why don't you just try and find a seat right at the beginning .

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/03/2023 10:28

Not a problem if you get up quickly with a smile when asked to move.

Devoutspoken · 10/03/2023 10:30

I'm always amazed when people don't turf them out immediately, they sit elsewhere to avoid the bother. It's so easy to reserve a seat, why wouldn't you?

Catspyjamas17 · 10/03/2023 10:33

Worth a try if the train is full. I always reserve a seat but sometimes that train is cancelled then you no longer have a reserved seat on the next train.

Verylongtime · 10/03/2023 10:58

evemillbank · 10/03/2023 09:53

@SummaLuvin Yes but that's the point really, if you want the luxury of a reserved seat you need to pay. You are essentially hoping for someone not to be brave enough to ask you to get out of their seat which they have paid extra to reserve. It's just a bit crappy of you.

You don’t pay to reserve seats, though.
I travel by train a lot and always get an automatic seat reservation. Seat reservations are marked by electronic indicators above the windows by the seats. It is really common for people not to turn up and not use their reservations, so I can see why people sit in them. As long as they’re happy to move, that’s OK. If the train is full seat-wise, you can still get on -a ticket doesn’t guarantee you a seat - but there’s no seat reserved for you, so it’s sensible to see if any reserved seats aren’t used.

Conkersinautumn · 10/03/2023 11:04

I wouldn't risk asking someone in my reserved seat to move, chances are you'd get punched in the face with the sort of person who will happily park their over entitled arse in a seat they can see someone has reserved.

PuttingOnTheKitsch · 10/03/2023 11:06

I have a travel card now, but previously every time I booked on an app, I would have to book a seat, which I often wouldn't use as my travel time would change.

Threads like these always attract lots of "What if?" scenarios, but most people will move when asked/if they see someone hovering around the seat. The sort of people who won't move, don't care if a seat is reserved or not, anyway.

amberedover · 10/03/2023 11:13

Is there a reason that I've missed why you can't reserve a seat ?