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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sitting in a reserved seat on a train

174 replies

SummaLuvin · 09/03/2023 20:59

AIBU to think there is nothing wrong with sitting in a reserved seat on a train providing you move quickly and without fuss if the booker comes along?

I always look for an unreserved seat, but if there isn’t one I take my chances. Frequently the person who reserved it never shows up - whether they miss the train, can’t get to the seat as it’s so busy, or can’t be bothered to find their seat as it’s quiet… If no-one ever sat in these reserved seats then on busy trains the aisles and areas between carriages would be even more crowded, so I see it as more of an issue for them to be left vacant. But some people seem to think it’s a faux pas to ever sit in a seat that is reserved. What’s the general consensus?

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 09/03/2023 23:17

evemillbank · 09/03/2023 23:10

Sorry but YABU. Not everyone will be comfortable enough to approach and ask you to move and so you are being unfair.

This. Not everyone is confident enough to tell you it’s their seat and as a pp said, some idiots will refuse to move. I wouldn’t do it.

SoShallINever · 09/03/2023 23:25

Avanti have been putting out more messages stating that due to issues no reservations will apply on this journey.
I recently asked 2 men to please move as they were sat on a table for 4 that I and 3 colleagues had booked for a work journey.
Man laughed and replied "jog on love".

HeddaGarbled · 09/03/2023 23:27

I think it’s OK but I don’t think you should wait to be asked to move. That’s creating unnecessary embarrassment and fear of a hostile response for the seat-booker.

If you’re going to sit in a reserved seat, at every stop you need to be looking out for the seat-booker. You’ll be able to tell from the way they stop at the seat and look at you that you need to get up with all your belongings immediately to make way for them.

That’s the courteous way to do it, not sit there and wait to be asked and then take ages gathering all your stuff together while they wait for you to shift yourself.

juice92 · 09/03/2023 23:28

No issue with that at all. I have sat in reserved seats loads of times and I don't think I've ever been moved. I've also reserved seats on trains and not used the reserved seat for one reason or another.

musicforthesoul · 09/03/2023 23:39

Nope no issues with it.

Trains I catch is quite often standing room only, sometimes to the point people physically struggle to get on.

Absolutely no point making the crush even worse leaving seats empty on the off chance the person with a reservation actually turns up and can get somewhere near their seat.

PinkTonic · 10/03/2023 00:02

Just book a seat or at least sit in one that was booked from that station or the one before. People trying to sit in their booked seats shouldn’t have to put up with huffing and eye rolling.

EnglishRose1320 · 10/03/2023 00:22

I'm torn on this, I think it shows that train companies really need to improve their booking systems/how they display reservations.

For the ones that show how long the seat is reserved for, I would say you should only sit, if the station has passed or up until the station they are meant to be getting on at. My ds is autistic, and if someone was in his seat, he wouldn't say anything, but he would probably have a complete shutdown and it could ruin his day.

We haven't risked reserved seats on trains for this reason. Whilst a reserved seat would in theory reduce his anxiety, it seems so hit and miss as to whether they are labelled correctly and this thread highlights how many people are happy to disregard the reservation anyway.

I'm not sure what the solution is though, because on the flip side, empty seats and people crammed in corridors is hardly the answer either.

PacificallyRequested · 10/03/2023 00:22

moonpixel · 09/03/2023 22:58

I wouldn't be able to ask you to move. I have sat in the vestibule more times then I care to remember because my seat has been occupied

Perhaps if you pay attention to anyone walking to the seat at the station that it is booked from, then move?

Why would you not just ask someone to move out your seat if the alternative was sitting in the vestibule?

HeddaGarbled · 10/03/2023 00:26

Why would you not just ask someone to move out your seat if the alternative was sitting in the vestibule

Because some people are shy.

Because sometimes the request leads to a frightening altercation.

jcyclops · 10/03/2023 00:33

I used to travel by rail a lot and often sat in someone else's reserved seat hoping they didn't turn up. On inter city trains out of London in late afternoons it was not unusual for every seat to be reserved, and the pull down seats in the vestibules were quickly occupied. I was always happy to move if the holder turned up. I think my record was sitting in about six seats and being asked to move from the first five.

As someone else mentioned higher up, travelling with an open ticket sometimes meant I used a train other than the one where I had a reserved seat. The fairly recent "available from X if unoccupied" that appears on your seat about 5 minutes after departure helps in these cases.

I also sometimes found my reserved seat and hated it because it was travelling backwards, was against a pillar with no view out the window or even on the side of the train I liked less. If a better unreserved seat was nearby I would sit there instead. In the days before electronic reservation displays I would remove the paper ticket from the back of my original seat to make it easier for someone else to use it.

My biggest pet hate was when they introduced mid-journey reservations. You could sit in an "available" seat in say, Edinburgh on a journey to York, and somebody could reserve your seat, board at Newcastle and ask you to move. Supposedly to prevent this you could ask the conductor to reserve the seat you were sitting in, but I never got to try this out after I had found out about it.

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 00:38

@PacificallyRequested

Why would you not just ask someone to move out your seat if the alternative was sitting in the vestibule?

I'm sure I said I wouldn't be able to.

carriedout · 10/03/2023 00:43

It's fine so long as you smile if asked to move.

Those who feel unable to ask, I see that it is difficult but I think you're asking to much to expect people to leave it free just in case. You can ask the guard to ask for you.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/03/2023 00:44

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 00:38

@PacificallyRequested

Why would you not just ask someone to move out your seat if the alternative was sitting in the vestibule?

I'm sure I said I wouldn't be able to.

I did say to the family I mentioned earlier that they were in our seats, but when she was very "not my problem....." I didnt feel able to push it. When I spoke to the conductor and she asked me to show my ticket again, when Smug Face was kicking off, my hand was actually shaking!

I can do polite "Excuse me, but thats my reserved seat" but if met with a hard no.....I cant do any more. Some people can, good for them, but I cant so I put my faith in the woman who's job it is (and who, thankfully, was fantastic at it and had the authority to back her up that I didnt have!).

In future, maybe speak the to conductor, got to be worth a try to get the seat you paid for, even if you dont get your seat, they should get you a seat at least.

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 00:46

Those who feel unable to ask, I see that it is difficult but I think you're asking to much to expect people to leave it free just in case. You can ask the guard to ask for you.

I don't feel unable to ask. I am unable to ask.

There are 9 carriages on the trains i use, I can be 4 hours into a journey before I see a guard. Not that it makes a difference, I wouldn't be able to ask them either.

carriedout · 10/03/2023 00:53

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 00:46

Those who feel unable to ask, I see that it is difficult but I think you're asking to much to expect people to leave it free just in case. You can ask the guard to ask for you.

I don't feel unable to ask. I am unable to ask.

There are 9 carriages on the trains i use, I can be 4 hours into a journey before I see a guard. Not that it makes a difference, I wouldn't be able to ask them either.

It's just a turn of phrase @moonpixel

I say 'I feel ill' when I am in fact ill.

I'm assuming you feel/are unable to speak due to some non-physical reason.

It must be hard but the commuting world is a bit of a bear pit.

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 00:56

@carriedout

I'm assuming you feel/are unable to speak due to some non-physical reason.

Why do you need to assume anything?

NumberTheory · 10/03/2023 05:07

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 00:56

@carriedout

I'm assuming you feel/are unable to speak due to some non-physical reason.

Why do you need to assume anything?

Because no reason has been given. And if we just leave everything hanging because there is no information on cause we can’t tackle any problems at all. Making a best guess and moving on from there, with the flexibility to back track if that guess is shown to be incorrect, is a sensible approach.

GoodChat · 10/03/2023 05:37

@NumberTheory she's told you she cannot ask. She doesn't need to tell you why and you shouldn't just assume it's because she gets a bit nervous. Don't be so dismissive.

GoodChat · 10/03/2023 05:37

GoodChat · 10/03/2023 05:37

@NumberTheory she's told you she cannot ask. She doesn't need to tell you why and you shouldn't just assume it's because she gets a bit nervous. Don't be so dismissive.

This was also for @carriedout - as bad as each other.

Wheelz46 · 10/03/2023 05:48

Some people don't like confrontation such as my son, he has selective mutism so if he doesn't overcome it, he would not be able to physically tell someone they were in his seat.

If there is a reserved sign stating from stop 4 to 10 and you are getting on at stop 1 and getting off at stop 4 then of course no need to leave an empty seat but I don't think you should seat in a reserved seat, hoping the person doesn't turn up.

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 08:17

@NumberTheory

Because no reason has been given.

I don't need to give a reason though.

Why I cannot (not don't want to or choose not to) is irrelevant. The key factor in the context of the thread is that I cannot do it. I actually don't need to be rudely questioned (and the non-physical assumption wtf) as to why I would rather someone look around them at station X if they are sitting in a seat booked form station X. I am the innocent passenger here, just looking for my booked seat.

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 08:21

And if we just leave everything hanging because there is no information on cause we can’t tackle any problems at all. Making a best guess and moving on from there, with the flexibility to back track if that guess is shown to be incorrect, is a sensible approach.

This is rather strange and just shows how ignorant people really are.

I'm not asking anyone to tackle problems. I'm stating I cannot ask someone to move so just be aware of people boarding at stations the train is booked from.

That's what the thread is about, booked seats.

Original poster
SummaLuvin · 10/03/2023 08:30

Interesting that overnight there seems to have been a swing of opinion. I sympathise with those unable/unwilling to ask people to move - I feel uncomfortable doing it myself - but I don't know what the solution is? I would really resentful standing on a 3 hour train next to an empty seat when I know that if someone came along I would jump up without hesitation.

I think the fact that a significant amount of my travel is commuter travel rather than leisure is colouring my opinion, and I wonder if a different approach is needed at different times?

My trains are largely extremely busy with people standing all down the aisles and in vestibules - in this situation leaving vacant seats empty simply because they are booked would be a nuisance as it would really add to the crowding in the standing areas. It is also impossible for me to book seats as I use a season ticket which grants me unlimited travel along a specific route, if I was to book specific trains it would be vastly more expensive.

OP posts:
gogohmm · 10/03/2023 08:34

Yes, especially on the 7pm ish out of St Pancras to Sheffield, typically all the seats are supposedly reserved yet it will be half empty. Commuters with season tickets book them then take an earlier/later train it seems. Most get off at market harborough too

moonpixel · 10/03/2023 08:39

uncomfortable doing it myself - but I don't know what the solution is?

Just be aware when you arrive at the station a seat is booked from and pay attention to what is going on. If you get on at X and the seat is booked from Y then be aware and prepared to stand up and move when the train starts boarding at Y.