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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dh handled neighbours terribly?

303 replies

whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 22:37

Good Evening,

I thought I'd ask on here to gauge if I'm lacking in complete boundaries or if my husband over reacted.

So we recently moved into a ground floor maisonette, we have the back garden. The previous tenant was quite friendly with next door and he would let their children play in the garden etc. when next door fitted a conservatory they took down the whole hedge and built it on the boundary line so I look out my kitchen window directly to their conservatory wall. They left a space between the wall to the hedge so they have access to our garden. (E.g when they had chickens, they would wander around the garden (pre us moving in as they died a few days prior) )

At one point they've fitted a outdoor tap under my kitchen window (this was all previously so fair enough) and use the water from this flat (I'm guessing their on a meter)

Fast forward to now, we've moved in, made friends with them, I get along with the wife etc and I like her

He asked to use the water so I said yes few months back, but often would just walk through his garden through the gap to use it, sometimes daily.

Where as I didn't want to disrupt what they've been custom to for years my husband finds it incredibly invasive and hates it.

Well today as we were all eating dinner in our living room, we hear the water tap being used outside so my husband gets up without warning and basically has a go at him telling him to stop coming in without At least asking and he wouldn't like it if we just walked in their back garden doing what we want. He was quite aggressive the way it came across.

My husband said I lack boundaries and get walked over but I feel so awkward as we are not on a meter and don't see the harm as such (maybe they should ask each time, but if I say yes they probably assume what's the point)

So basically am I being unreasonable to be slightly annoyed at my husband for having a go at him? As I don't want things to be awkward when we've only been here a few months?

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 11/03/2023 00:41

If it was me I would try and mend fences quickly so as it not to turn into a feud. To the posters saying put up a fence - they can't they aren't allowed to block a right of way.

Also these are/were OP's friends that she had an agreement with and her husband stomped all over it. It should have been discussed between the two of them first and handled much better than he did.

Kennykenkencat · 11/03/2023 01:42

whippedlemons · 10/03/2023 08:08

Update guys!

Turns out the two terraces next to me (I'm end) apparently have right of way through their gardens into mine to go to the front lol. So HA said they only need to put a gate in the gap. Also said when the tap was installed it was with agreement that next door and their neighbours (who I've never met) can use it too.

I was never told any of this and it's not in my contract. So looks like the whole row can just come right under my kitchen and living room whenever they like.

Actually the whole city practically can as there is gates to enter the gardens at all.

And now I'm sure my husbands approach will have evoked the most pettiness of behaviours!

If none of this is in your contract then the question is would you have got the flat in the first place

How are your children able to play out in their own secure garden when anyone has a right to enter it.

I would put a stop to people using your water. You might not be on a metre but you are paying for it. I think the water company is thinking that you are using too much for the tariff you were on that is why your bills are going up.

You still have a type of metre even if the water bill isn’t metred.
When our water stopped the guy from the water company came down and inspected the stop tap under the pavement to check that other people in the building were getting water through and noticing that the metre was moving as people were using the water

SnozPoz · 11/03/2023 05:28

The chickens broke a fence?!? What size were these chickens?! It sounds like your neighbours have seen an opportunity and are CFs. You've only got their version of events. Are you sure the former disabled owner "allowed" the neighbour's kids to play in their garden and wasn't taken advantage of? Definitely team DH. Yes it would have been better to have had a polite discussion first but actually I reckon your DH has set a clear boundary line and it's less likely to be crossed now. Bravo 👏

Noodles1234 · 11/03/2023 05:29

Team DH
maybe could have been less aggressive, but what a cheek they just turn up everyday to save on a bit of water, and build on the boundary line. People move, it’s not on x

TheRussiansAreComing · 11/03/2023 05:47

Maybe your DH should apologise to your neighbour for the way he reacted. At the same time he can diplomatically tell them that there is no more garden sharing and a fence will be going up very soon in the gap. You can still stay friends with them.
I can see how he lost it. It built up every time. Your neighbour has been mugging you off.
Don’t feel sorry for them for being on a meter. Water isn’t expensive (yet).

CrazyCatLadyCat · 11/03/2023 07:37

Why can’t they use their own water? I would get a fence up or get the tap removed

Mothership4two · 11/03/2023 09:11

OP can't fence off as there is a right of way into their garden so can't actually stop them coming in at all. HA are stating the tap was fitted on the understanding that two neighbours could also use it but OP wasn't aware and it's not in her contract so I'm not sure where she stands legally but I would think that the agreement would stand.

MrsCarson · 11/03/2023 10:07

I'd go straight back to the conveyancing solicitors and ask why you weren't informed about your garden being a right of way for the neighbours and anyone else who fancies it. I'd want to know why you also weren't informed you provide water for the same people and what can be done.

category12 · 11/03/2023 10:11

MrsCarson · 11/03/2023 10:07

I'd go straight back to the conveyancing solicitors and ask why you weren't informed about your garden being a right of way for the neighbours and anyone else who fancies it. I'd want to know why you also weren't informed you provide water for the same people and what can be done.

I think OP's a HA tenant.

SinnerBoy · 11/03/2023 10:14

Mothership4two · Today 00:31

I can understand your DH being irritated by them coming into your garden but it's a bit narky of him to bite his head off especially when you have a verbal agreement plus it's a long-standing arrangement.

I don't think she has any sort of agreement, it was the previous occupant. It doesn't matter that it's long standing, they don't want the neighbour to use their water, the agreement was with somebody else, not the OP.

JackiePlace · 11/03/2023 10:25

Your husband sounds like an aggressive dick that needs some assertiveness training.
It's petty not to share your (free) water with your neighbour. And you never know when you might need a favour from him.
Why don't you just let him attach a hose to the tap?

MinnieGirl · 11/03/2023 10:48

You need to talk to the HA face to face. Arrange a meeting and take all your paperwork, tenancy agreement etc. If there is no mention of right of way shared access etc, then you can argue very strongly that you would not have accepted those terms and that as your children are not safe they need to move you into somewhere suitable.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/03/2023 10:50

JackiePlace · 11/03/2023 10:25

Your husband sounds like an aggressive dick that needs some assertiveness training.
It's petty not to share your (free) water with your neighbour. And you never know when you might need a favour from him.
Why don't you just let him attach a hose to the tap?

WTF?!? It's not 'free water', OP is paying water rates. Our neighbour upstairs is on a meter and we're not. We let her use our outside tap but she asked, she didn't just appear in our garden and use it. If she moves the arrangement will stop until we know what the new neighbours are like.

category12 · 11/03/2023 10:55

JackiePlace · 11/03/2023 10:25

Your husband sounds like an aggressive dick that needs some assertiveness training.
It's petty not to share your (free) water with your neighbour. And you never know when you might need a favour from him.
Why don't you just let him attach a hose to the tap?

Where are you getting the "free" from?

SinnerBoy · 11/03/2023 11:24

JackiePlace · Today 10:25

Your husband sounds like an aggressive dick that needs some assertiveness training.

He seems to be assertive enough.

It's petty not to share your (free) water with your neighbour.

It's not petty and the water isn't free, the neighbour is taking it, without her permission, because he doesn't want the massive usage to go through his meter, resulting in him paying for it.

If he'd asked her to use the tap occasionally, that would be different.

category12 · 11/03/2023 11:30

Assertive is different to aggressive. One is being firm but reasoned and polite - the other is scary.

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 11/03/2023 11:41

UrsulaPandress · 08/03/2023 23:15

Sorry but I’m with your DH. I’d stop all access to your garden and your tap and water.

I’m interested in the chickens that can break down fencing.

Probably the same MN chickens that can feed a family of 5 for 6 months...........😂

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 11/03/2023 11:50

I think we've solved the mystery of the super-strong chickens, as I managed to get this photo of the freeloading neighbour as I was passing OP's place (sorry if it's outing).

Some would say that 'has' was a typo and should have said 'is'.

Dh handled neighbours terribly?
Mothership4two · 11/03/2023 11:59

SinnerBoy · 11/03/2023 10:14

Mothership4two · Today 00:31

I can understand your DH being irritated by them coming into your garden but it's a bit narky of him to bite his head off especially when you have a verbal agreement plus it's a long-standing arrangement.

I don't think she has any sort of agreement, it was the previous occupant. It doesn't matter that it's long standing, they don't want the neighbour to use their water, the agreement was with somebody else, not the OP.

Right at the start OP said neighbour asked and she said yes - that's an agreement.

Obviously she's entitled to change her mind, although she doesn't say that in fact she says she decided to let it go, but they aren't psychic. I would be annoyed if I had been given the OK from my neighbour (or anyone) to do something and then had been aggressively told off for doing it.

OP has updated and HA have told them that the tap was only put in with the agreement that two sets of neighbours could use it. Not sure where they stand legally but would imagine they would have to honour the longstanding agreement.

Personally I would be trying to smooth the water especially since OP found out about the right of way through her garden.

SinnerBoy · 11/03/2023 12:02

Right at the start OP said neighbour asked and she said yes - that's an agreement.

You're right, I'd forgotten! Was only thinking about the husband being against it!

Mothership4two · 11/03/2023 12:13

MinnieGirl · 11/03/2023 10:48

You need to talk to the HA face to face. Arrange a meeting and take all your paperwork, tenancy agreement etc. If there is no mention of right of way shared access etc, then you can argue very strongly that you would not have accepted those terms and that as your children are not safe they need to move you into somewhere suitable.

If there is a right of way it's probably in the deeds and it's doubtful HA will be prepared to go through the expense and rigmarole of changing it. Also likely need other parties permission

SoleyCoupled · 11/03/2023 12:21

Sometimes soft words just don't work. I'd team DH too OP.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 11/03/2023 12:25

Right at the start OP said neighbour asked and she said yes - that's an agreement.

That is true, but it's the kind of request that would just blindside you, especially when it's from somebody you've only just met. Plus it makes a difference as to how she asked: as a genuine request or more like a 'I take it you don't object if we continue to....'.

category12 · 11/03/2023 12:30

Mothership4two · 11/03/2023 12:13

If there is a right of way it's probably in the deeds and it's doubtful HA will be prepared to go through the expense and rigmarole of changing it. Also likely need other parties permission

Show quote history

I think it was more a suggestion that they ask the HA to offer them another property?

If it is a big issue for OP and her family, they can look for a mutual exchange. But otherwise it's a ROW to go through the garden for a purpose, so you could potentially screen off a preferred pathway for that.

The water thing seems wrong tho - seems unlikely there's an actual right for neighbours to use the water supply another resident pays for, even if unmetered. So I'd question that one. If OP has just spoken to the housing officer, they may have palmed her off.

Mothership4two · 11/03/2023 12:42

My response was clarifying that there was some form of agreement
@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

However we don't know how they approached OP but she seemed relatively OK with it.

It's a shame that HA weren't clear about agreement and ROW before they moved in

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