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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh handled neighbours terribly?

303 replies

whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 22:37

Good Evening,

I thought I'd ask on here to gauge if I'm lacking in complete boundaries or if my husband over reacted.

So we recently moved into a ground floor maisonette, we have the back garden. The previous tenant was quite friendly with next door and he would let their children play in the garden etc. when next door fitted a conservatory they took down the whole hedge and built it on the boundary line so I look out my kitchen window directly to their conservatory wall. They left a space between the wall to the hedge so they have access to our garden. (E.g when they had chickens, they would wander around the garden (pre us moving in as they died a few days prior) )

At one point they've fitted a outdoor tap under my kitchen window (this was all previously so fair enough) and use the water from this flat (I'm guessing their on a meter)

Fast forward to now, we've moved in, made friends with them, I get along with the wife etc and I like her

He asked to use the water so I said yes few months back, but often would just walk through his garden through the gap to use it, sometimes daily.

Where as I didn't want to disrupt what they've been custom to for years my husband finds it incredibly invasive and hates it.

Well today as we were all eating dinner in our living room, we hear the water tap being used outside so my husband gets up without warning and basically has a go at him telling him to stop coming in without At least asking and he wouldn't like it if we just walked in their back garden doing what we want. He was quite aggressive the way it came across.

My husband said I lack boundaries and get walked over but I feel so awkward as we are not on a meter and don't see the harm as such (maybe they should ask each time, but if I say yes they probably assume what's the point)

So basically am I being unreasonable to be slightly annoyed at my husband for having a go at him? As I don't want things to be awkward when we've only been here a few months?

OP posts:
SinnerBoy · 10/03/2023 18:08

What PP's have said - access and right of way is for them to take the bins and rubbish out - not free use of your garden whenever they want.

Precisely.

And I like your stopcock idea, imagine waiting to turn it off, every time CF came to use it!

oosha · 10/03/2023 18:29

I’m with your husband, you are being a doormat and they are taking the piss.

Isinglass20 · 10/03/2023 18:32

I don’t get this. Surely your conveyancers did a search and you have title deeds showing boundaries of the property registered at Land Registry, or if you’re renting, the title belonging to property owner. I can’t believe Water Company allows two separate properties to share water consumption. What if the neighbours don’t pay water bills? Who will be pursued by debt collectors and the Court?

Passthechocolatesplease · 10/03/2023 18:33

I’d definitely see about getting that tap moved, definitely turn it off if you can, say it’s stopped working.
check out the permission for the conservatory.
is it possible to create a right of way to the bins but fence off the rest of the garden for your own private use.
you need a representative from the HA to come out and look at the situation, it sounds ridiculous.

Pliudev · 10/03/2023 18:50

If he's using the tap so frequently now what will it be like in summer? I think you have to have a word and say that now you've moved in the arrangement needs to change.

bellabasset · 10/03/2023 18:56

I have an 18thC terraced house which had a right of way at the back for the removal of slops. It's 20" wide and down steps and gardens are denied off and gated. No one except the person furtherest away uses it and has had to accept it's not public access.

What I would do in your situation is to go back to the solicitors who did your conveyancing and check out what was declared. You will probably have legal cover with your household insurance, it's pretty standard so could use this to establish your rights. As you have young family setting up your garden so it's safe is a priority. 3 of our 6 houses have bigger back gardens as we have land that were the village allotments where there is a public right of way. As my land goes nowhere there's no reason for public access. My friend on the end house has two gates and would like to have gates with keypads on for safety. That could be useful for you. I'd put a lock on the tap.

(We have a hosepipe ban here in Cornwall so my neighbour wouldn't be using the tap here 😅at the moment)

TerribleInsomniac · 10/03/2023 19:22

Isinglass20 · 10/03/2023 18:32

I don’t get this. Surely your conveyancers did a search and you have title deeds showing boundaries of the property registered at Land Registry, or if you’re renting, the title belonging to property owner. I can’t believe Water Company allows two separate properties to share water consumption. What if the neighbours don’t pay water bills? Who will be pursued by debt collectors and the Court?

Lots of older properties have shared water.
Not new ones, it’s not allowed now.
Water companies have a duty to try to separate water supplies , but they only own the pipes in the street, not on private land. So they can install new pipe connection to the mains at the owners expense but then the owner would have to do the rest. Plus separate the two supplies. This is a huge can of worms for the first floor property as they would need an easement created for their pipe work on the ground floors land and th3 grid floor would have the burden of the easement.

Lennybenny · 10/03/2023 19:57

Has no-one mentioned that HA have said everyone and their dog can use the water supply??? Err no!! Turn it off inside or put a lock on it.

The back access sounds right IF there is houses that go through but if you're on the end then they don't need to amd you can put a gate up. How many homes are in the row?

changeme4this · 10/03/2023 20:19

We are rural but our neighbour’s property next door has several (legal) easements for adjoining properties to take water from hers. So that does happen.

however when I initially read your first post OP I thought this is an issue between you and your DH in that you gave the neighbour the ok without consulting DH who has made a dick of himself knowing you said it was fine…

either or, since your update it seems you have little choice but you should have been more informed as to the legalities of your property.

I would be taking that up with whoever you dealt with originally. Agent perhaps ? (I’m not in uk at present so unsure which authority you refer to).

LoisLane66 · 10/03/2023 20:19

He's filling their kettle so he doesn't have to pay a higher water bill. I'd politely say that the previous arrangement ended when you moved in and you find it embarrassing, however, the garden will be fenced off Nd the tap must not be used any more. You need to have the garden to yourself and plan on putting in more plants and not having children out there when you want to sit out. They have a conservatory, you gave a garden. Ask if you can spend time in their conservatory.

LoisLane66 · 10/03/2023 20:21
  • and, not Nd
cannockcandy · 10/03/2023 20:41

MichelleScarn · 08/03/2023 22:54

Absolutely team Dh! I'd not be able to have 'quiet enjoyment' of my garden as would always be wondering if they'd emerge.
Who told you they've been using the garden like this? Previous owners when you bought or the neighbours?..

This right here!
Also, what if the pipe bursts and/or there is a leak? Are the cf neighbours going to pay/contribute to it being fixed? Somehow I doubt it.
I would have been more diplomatic, my OH would be the same as yours! Xx

godmum56 · 10/03/2023 20:47

I think you need to go back to the HA and ask to see the paperwork for the right of way and water use and the paperwork that you signed agreeing to this. I an old and sispicious but I never take anybody's spoken word for ANYTHING.

cannockcandy · 10/03/2023 20:49

Yeah I'd be going to a solicitor cause none of that sounds right. So technically the whole row have access to the back of your house so any of them can break in? Don't think so. Legally speaking (as you're in the UK), unless it is a public right of way (which would be signposted) or has direct access, with no other access, to their back gardens then you are within your rights to block it off. Doesn't matter what agreement was made with previous tenants/owners. You live there now. Who knows who your neighbours are, or what their criminal backgrounds are. Sorry but I'd be putting up fences and gates ASAP.

category12 · 10/03/2023 21:00

whippedlemons · 10/03/2023 08:08

Update guys!

Turns out the two terraces next to me (I'm end) apparently have right of way through their gardens into mine to go to the front lol. So HA said they only need to put a gate in the gap. Also said when the tap was installed it was with agreement that next door and their neighbours (who I've never met) can use it too.

I was never told any of this and it's not in my contract. So looks like the whole row can just come right under my kitchen and living room whenever they like.

Actually the whole city practically can as there is gates to enter the gardens at all.

And now I'm sure my husbands approach will have evoked the most pettiness of behaviours!

Seems very unlikely that you would be expected to pay for water used by other residents - rights of way are fair enough if the gardens are arranged that way, and you could plant or put up screening to manage the intrusion - but the water thing?! 🤔

I'd go back to the HA and question that more strongly.

CelestiaNoctis · 10/03/2023 22:24

I think it would be hard to recover from that so I'd just let DH crack on and put up a fence and sort it out. And I'd just say that he really had an issue with it and they were using it a bit too much for your liking aswell and the gap was a security issue. You don't need to be THAT kind to your neighbours and CF.

CelestiaNoctis · 10/03/2023 22:25

*and they're CF

AnnieSnap · 10/03/2023 22:32

I’m with your husband. That said, there was no good reason for him to have delivered the message aggressively. A friendly, but assertive “we have a different lifestyle to the previous owner and would like to keep our garden private now” would surely have sufficed, along with a bit of fencing or a couple of bushes!

Dibbydoos · 10/03/2023 22:40

They're taking the piss. Your DH is right.

You need to be on a water meter it'll probably be cheaper.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 10/03/2023 23:05

You mentioned being a maisonette, hence people talking about an upstairs. do you mean a flat?

Isn't a maisonette basically either the ground floor or upstairs of a standard two-storey house that's been split into two flats, but with its own separate front door? Or am I getting confused there?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 10/03/2023 23:06

They're taking the piss. Your DH is right.

Imagine if you 'accidentally' plumbed the outside pipe to your toilet - then they really could freely take the piss (and worse) Grin

Lindyloomillion1 · 10/03/2023 23:22

DH is right!
Lay down those boundaries!

Missingpop · 10/03/2023 23:46

Why are they using your water? What’s it for? Why can’t they fit their own outside tap on their own property?
I’m with your husband they’re taking liberties

lindabennett17 · 11/03/2023 00:13

Remember boundries you are neighbours you need stand your ground and being walked over exactly is if you wont they will you husband is did the right thing boundries and rules

Mothership4two · 11/03/2023 00:31

whippedlemons · 10/03/2023 08:08

Update guys!

Turns out the two terraces next to me (I'm end) apparently have right of way through their gardens into mine to go to the front lol. So HA said they only need to put a gate in the gap. Also said when the tap was installed it was with agreement that next door and their neighbours (who I've never met) can use it too.

I was never told any of this and it's not in my contract. So looks like the whole row can just come right under my kitchen and living room whenever they like.

Actually the whole city practically can as there is gates to enter the gardens at all.

And now I'm sure my husbands approach will have evoked the most pettiness of behaviours!

We had a similar right of way in our old house but you should have been made aware of this when you were going through the buying process OP and it must be in your deeds. It was never an issue for us.

I can understand your DH being irritated by them coming into your garden but it's a bit narky of him to bite his head off especially when you have a verbal agreement plus it's a long-standing arrangement. I can also understand why you would be annoyed that he's basically overruled you and wound up your neighbours in the process.

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