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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh handled neighbours terribly?

303 replies

whippedlemons · 08/03/2023 22:37

Good Evening,

I thought I'd ask on here to gauge if I'm lacking in complete boundaries or if my husband over reacted.

So we recently moved into a ground floor maisonette, we have the back garden. The previous tenant was quite friendly with next door and he would let their children play in the garden etc. when next door fitted a conservatory they took down the whole hedge and built it on the boundary line so I look out my kitchen window directly to their conservatory wall. They left a space between the wall to the hedge so they have access to our garden. (E.g when they had chickens, they would wander around the garden (pre us moving in as they died a few days prior) )

At one point they've fitted a outdoor tap under my kitchen window (this was all previously so fair enough) and use the water from this flat (I'm guessing their on a meter)

Fast forward to now, we've moved in, made friends with them, I get along with the wife etc and I like her

He asked to use the water so I said yes few months back, but often would just walk through his garden through the gap to use it, sometimes daily.

Where as I didn't want to disrupt what they've been custom to for years my husband finds it incredibly invasive and hates it.

Well today as we were all eating dinner in our living room, we hear the water tap being used outside so my husband gets up without warning and basically has a go at him telling him to stop coming in without At least asking and he wouldn't like it if we just walked in their back garden doing what we want. He was quite aggressive the way it came across.

My husband said I lack boundaries and get walked over but I feel so awkward as we are not on a meter and don't see the harm as such (maybe they should ask each time, but if I say yes they probably assume what's the point)

So basically am I being unreasonable to be slightly annoyed at my husband for having a go at him? As I don't want things to be awkward when we've only been here a few months?

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 09/03/2023 18:25

I think he’s strutting around saying “And now the C in KFC stands for COLONEL!!!”

whumpthereitis · 09/03/2023 18:26

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/03/2023 18:04

That rooster means business, doesn't he!

Show quote history

Someone told him there’s a fence that needs fucking up and he’s en route.

Emmamoo89 · 09/03/2023 18:27

I'm with your husband

charliegirl86 · 09/03/2023 18:42

If they're using the tap this often right now imagine how much he'll be using it in summer! I wouldn't be happy with him in my garden all the time. I think YAboth U , you for not telling the neighbour politely and DH for shouting when the man presumably thought it was okay to use as no one had told him otherwise

ewright86 · 09/03/2023 18:47

I’m just shocked that your neighbours think it’s ok to use your water that you’re paying for. Team DH.

KateAusten · 09/03/2023 19:00

Sounds like the neighbour's have been taking the piss with the previous owner

They've built a conservatory so lost some space and now they want to let their kids in your garden

They've got a gap in the fence so they can come over and use the tap, incredible

I'd be blocking that gap up straightaway

If they haven't got an outside tap that's their problem, they should have one installed and if they can't then tough

Give somebody an inch and they'll take a mile

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/03/2023 21:56

If they're using the tap this often right now imagine how much he'll be using it in summer! I wouldn't be happy with him in my garden all the time.

They'll have thought of that already and will have a 'sensible solution' to press forward with - which will not be the obvious solution of 'use your own water supply' but will probably be more like 'we'll just add an extension pipe, so that we don't need to keep disturbing you when we're stealing your water'.

They will definitely take their 'right' to somebody else's water as a given and a non-negotiable.

Original poster
whippedlemons · 10/03/2023 08:08

Update guys!

Turns out the two terraces next to me (I'm end) apparently have right of way through their gardens into mine to go to the front lol. So HA said they only need to put a gate in the gap. Also said when the tap was installed it was with agreement that next door and their neighbours (who I've never met) can use it too.

I was never told any of this and it's not in my contract. So looks like the whole row can just come right under my kitchen and living room whenever they like.

Actually the whole city practically can as there is gates to enter the gardens at all.

And now I'm sure my husbands approach will have evoked the most pettiness of behaviours!

OP posts:
Original poster
whippedlemons · 10/03/2023 08:08

*no gates

OP posts:
SinnerBoy · 10/03/2023 08:34

whippedlemons · Today 08:08

Also said when the tap was installed it was with agreement that next door and their neighbours (who I've never met) can use it too.

Agreement with who and who? Not you, I'd advise you to go to a solicitor.

SinnerBoy · 10/03/2023 08:35

Also, access isn't the same as "the kids playing there all day."

GoodChat · 10/03/2023 08:36

SinnerBoy · 10/03/2023 08:34

whippedlemons · Today 08:08

Also said when the tap was installed it was with agreement that next door and their neighbours (who I've never met) can use it too.

Agreement with who and who? Not you, I'd advise you to go to a solicitor.

Agreement with the HA before she moved in.

Womblemumma · 10/03/2023 08:40

Totally team DH. Their chickens damaged the fence, their kids have played in the garden, they are regularly taking water ?! Wtf?! These people are totally taking advantage of you. Nip this in the bud before they have a bbq party on your lawn !

billy1966 · 10/03/2023 08:42

Have you asked why none of this was mentioned when you were discussing taking the property?

That your garden is open to the public?

How does that wprk for you childrens safety?

Your children can clearly never play in their garden unsupervised?

What an absolute disaster.

What if the neighbours leave the gates open?

What about house security, if its open to anyone and everyone?

You took that property on a very false basis.

Surely all these agreements are written down somewhere?

You need to request all of this in writing.

What a disaster.

SinnerBoy · 10/03/2023 08:46

GoodChat · Today 08:36

Agreement with the HA before she moved in.

It could be that the previous tenant agreed and the HA OK'd it, but I'm pretty sure they have no authority whatsoever to dictate that a neighbour can use her water, free of charge. It's outrageous.

GoodChat · 10/03/2023 08:49

SinnerBoy · 10/03/2023 08:46

GoodChat · Today 08:36

Agreement with the HA before she moved in.

It could be that the previous tenant agreed and the HA OK'd it, but I'm pretty sure they have no authority whatsoever to dictate that a neighbour can use her water, free of charge. It's outrageous.

They can if she's not on a meter as she's on a fixed rate so usage doesn't matter

Hankunamatata · 10/03/2023 08:50

Who's water is tap running off? Is it metered?
I'd also look at putting one way film on the windows so you can see out but no one can see in unless lights are on

SinnerBoy · 10/03/2023 08:51

6They can if she's not on a meter as she's on a fixed rate so usage doesn't matter^

If she's paying rates, she's paying for the water and if they're using it against her wishes, they're stealing it; the HA agreeing is entirely irrelevant. Also, if she has a hosepipe licence included, as many people do, they're certainly not entitled.

Hankunamatata · 10/03/2023 08:53

My grandmother had similar issues. She ended up reconfiguring her maisonette so put bedroom downstairs and sittingroom upstairs so she would have to look at people walking past.

Sassyfox · 10/03/2023 09:04

I actually said I thought your DH was BU.

But I think it’s very bad that you have to pay the bill when it’s shared water.
I know it’s not on a meter but surely it should be part of a service charge or something and be shared between all of you.

It seems really unfair and tbh if DH spoke to me like that then I’d be over constantly filling things up just to piss him off.

I like the PPs suggestion of having your living room upstairs.

I’m wondering if you can get a hose thing which can go into other neighbours gardens so they essentially have their own tap and then there’s no need to come into yours.

I walk my dog in a private field that has been separated into sections and each section has its own hose from one water source, that when you press the nozzle water will come out without turning a tap on each time.
I have no idea how it works and it might be of no help to you at all but it may be worth looking into.

Original poster
whippedlemons · 10/03/2023 10:26

We are not on a meter but the water bill has changed 3 times in the space of 7 weeks. They keep upping what the quarterly bill is. It's changed twice in the past two weeks.

And we don't have an upstairs.

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 10/03/2023 11:03

Also said when the tap was installed it was with agreement that next door and their neighbours (who I've never met) can use it too.

That sounds really odd to me. I do wonder who pushed for it: was it the neighbours claiming that they helped the disabled resident by maintaining their garden for them - maybe a bit like a carer wanting to park on a client's private drive when visiting and caring for them? It's hardly like a private outside tap is a controversial or antisocial development that you would have to placate the neighbours into putting up with by allowing them to use it too.

Legally, this could mean that, if you have a leak and resulting flood in your own property, you are forced to let it keep flooding, as to turn off your own stopcock would be to be depriving your neighbours of their rights. If you accidentally poured something toxic down your sink inside and this ended up getting into the water that the neighbour took and they got very ill, you could be liable. This cannot be right.

It doesn't actually matter what the basis of the bill is - metered or unmetered - if OP's household is responsible for paying the bill for their own water supply, that gives them exclusive rights to it. Also, it may be unmetered and unlimited most of the time, but what happens if there's a hosepipe ban or even some kind of strict rationing brought in during a drought? I could well see this becoming a thing in the future. What if they say that each household can only use X-amount of water, regardless of how much they pay, but then the neighbour drains all of their allowance? Plenty of properties that are charged at an unmetered rate do actually have a meter already installed, so the water company can see how much has been supplied.

It sounds really rubbish that you can't stop all and sundry coming over your land and taking your water, but if it IS ruled (and I'd want all of the details on this) that your water supply is a community resource, then the HA/council need to take ownership of it and start paying the bills. How can you just give away somebody else's property?

SinnerBoy · 10/03/2023 11:05

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · Today 11:03

That sounds really odd to me. I do wonder who pushed for it: was it the neighbours claiming that they helped the disabled resident by maintaining their garden for them...

That's a very good point.

Salome61 · 10/03/2023 11:07

Sorry to read your update OP. I would push to get a cover for the tap and close down winter use, it does put your property at risk if it freezes.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 10/03/2023 11:19

It's just crazy to think that everybody would need to share one outside tap on one household's property. All of the residences have pipework providing them with running water inside, so branching this off and installing a separate outside tap for everybody who wants one is a simple and inexpensive job that occupies no more than two or three bricks' worth of space - hardly a communal neighbourhood play-park or mausoleum!!

Why would anybody (other than the most tight-fisted CFs) even want the hassle of having to go on to somebody else's property to access a basic resource that they could very, very easily get permanent access to on their own property? What would they do if they were relying on your tap for their water supply but you'd already attached an all-day lawn sprinkler?

Will they come up with another 'legal ruling' that they're allowed to use your lawn mower for their lawn - and that you're required to sling a very long extension lead out of your window so that you can supply and pay for their electricity to do it? Absolutely bonkers.