To suggest putting trousers on to go out in the snow

[Shebelievedshecouldbutshecba]

DS was being taken to football today. Was in football kit ready to go. DH asked him to put trousers on before getting in the car, given it was snowing. DS refused point blank. DH said he wasn’t taking him unless he put the trousers on. I agreed. DS refused, so DH wouldn’t take him and we now have had a 2h tantrum (with screaming) about what awful parents we are.

WWBU? I don’t think we were. Would have taken him less than a minute to put the trousers on, the consequence of not doing so was clearly laid out, and then we followed through with the consequence.

And any guesses how old DS is?

He’s at that age where he’s asserting himself. It’s just a small thing so I’d let him have it and the consequences are his legs get cold. Even then, I’d hand him the trousers I’d brought anyway, he’d likely be grateful for 3 things. 1. I’d let him be ‘his own man’. 2. I’d brought the trousers. 3. I didn’t say I told you so. Number 3 is key. If he took the trousers when he was cold and no one said anything…. It somehow has always brought me and my son closer. It’s just an unsaid ‘you were a muppet’ ‘yeah I know’ ‘still love you though’ ‘yeah me too’ 😂

Haha, brilliant.

OP, surely the child could have just thrown a blanket over his legs in the car. You’ve made a mountain out of a molehill. My mother would have done this kind of thing, the only thing I learned was not to parent like her.

Sorry, I would have let him go and if he’s cold he’s cold but running around he’ll be ok. Maybe ask him why? Maybe someone said something about someone else wearing them and laughing bullying them?

He didnt want to wear them.. so trousers couldve been taken in a bag in case he changed his mind, no big deal, sorted..
Good luck with the teen years OP!

I used to play football and rugby in the snow, sleet and hail in just shorts. It's no big deal, I guess the issue is you were probably unreasonable but made a request of your child and how he articulates his thoughts about your decision. Sometimes you just need to suck it up and this is learning for noth you and your son.

Bloody hell, I would have shrugged (and regularly do!) if I suggested my 12yo DS might want to consider trousers and he declined. Up to him!
Your DS has missed out on all the benefits of playing sport for absolutely no reason - I can see why he is so pissed off!

i used to freeze to death on the hockey pitch in a gym skirt. We didn't have fleeces in those days either...

Does he not have those football legging things that a lot of the boys wear now?

This is brilliant advice and insight and I totally agree.

Hmmm. Depends my ds tream has a training kit which is shorts top... they wear ski thermals underneath in cold weather. He always comes home sweaty apart from hands

So... you picked a silly fight, because you can, to exert your control over him...

You could have just told him to stick some joggers in his bag, or indeed just chucked him some to stick in his bag. That would have been responsible parenting, taking into account the cold weather.

But you didn't do that, you set up an ultimatum, for the sake of a few minutes walking from house to car/car to pitch... for what? The only person who knows if hes too hot or too cold... is him, not you.

You've not taught him anything useful here, just that you're unreasonable and petty. Great job.

Mellicauli has a great response here.

Also if you treat him as growing young man who has respect then you will probably find the tantrums stop as he feel heard and not reduced to screaming.

I think your son was quite reasonable to be annoyed. He is old enough to make that decision himself and judge whether it was a wise one. No serious harm would have come to him. If I were you, I would apologise to him and use it as an opportunity to have a wider discussion and allow him to feel listened to and to see that you also learn when you have made the wrong judgement.

Wow. At 12 he's definitely old enough to learn from the natural consequences of getting cold, or maybe he just doesn't care. I'm surprised you made such a big thing out of this that he missed football.

Well I've already read that he's 12 so I'd say you are both being bullies. At that age (and much much younger) he's plenty old enough to decide for himself.
Why didn't OH 'suggest'. You say he asked but he didn't, he demanded!

I can understand telling a five year old to eg have a wee before a long car journey. They'll say no, they dont need a wee, but you will get them to go anyway.....because you know better.
He's 12. What additional information/experience do you have that qualifies you to make the decision for him? OK so his legs might be a bit chilly on the way home....oh wait, he already knew that. He's 12. I can almost see him rolling around the floor saying 'they're my legs. Why do you care? What difference does it make to you'.

Poor lad. Bullies!

I think most of the post on here are crazy. You asked him to do something completely reasonable and he refused. So why should you ferry him about? Thats why so many kids feel like they don’t have to listen to authority because their parents allow them to ignore them with no follow through. I bet you next time you ask him to do something he’ll do it because he knows he needs to take you seriously.

But there is nothing to be gained from teaching kids to obey authority for authority's sake.

At 12 he's old enough to decide whether or not he's cold. He wasn't cold. The demand was completely stupid and unnecessary.

I'd rather have a child who questions having to obey stupid rules than blindly follow them.

Yup, breakdown of society is down to a child not wanting to wear joggers over his sports kit in the car to then take them off on arrival.

But a lot of rules at school are stupid. Do you want him to listen to his teachers or is it just parents he can ignore? Sometimes kids just need to do what you tell them.

My 6yo walked to school in a summer dress, long socks and cycling shorts today (so bare knees). She then had a jumper, coat, gloves and snood on. She got cold hands but her legs were fine. It's crazy to me! In the car was probably fine to be in shorts.

However as you had drawn a reasonable boundary, then at 12 I would expect him to accept that and realise he could pick his battles too, and just put the trousers on, even if he grumbled about it!

FFS

You and your DH are in the wrong here.

It's a walk to the car. Bring joggers if you're worried; they'll pull on straight over his shorts. Or buy him thermals to wear under the shorts. And toss a blanket or two in the car. comes in handy for you, too, when you're waiting in the car in the cold.

He was so entitled he threw a 2 hour fit rather than comply with a totally reasonable request from his parents. It’s not the same as just not wanting to wear joggers.

Yes it is and it wasn't a totally reasonable request, that's the point of the thread.

I wouldn't have chosen that hill... that said I think I'd be very unimpressed with a 2 hour tantrum. Now if he'd just taken himself off to football I would be admiring his get up and go.

If it's that someone attempting to tell him that he feels cold when he knows he doesn't, then no I wouldn't expect him to listen to whoever that person was.

At 12 he knows how his body feels. He didn't 'need' to do what his mum told him because he wasn't cold.

I can’t believe people on this thread are debating what age the child is . He defied his parents, refused to do as he was told and therefore the consequences were that he didn’t get to go to football. Seems reasonable to me !