She doesn’t say hello, goodbye or offer a drink…do you think this is rude?

[Isrecordingloosewomenweird]

I work in a woman’s house (working with her daughter)
When I come in in the morning, I smile and say ‘Good morning/hi/hello’ when I’m leaving I say ‘See you tomorrow, bye’ etc, she doesn’t reply.
I work with her Dd for three hours and am never offered a drink, so I bring my own bottle of water. The husband, if there, always offers a coffee and automatically puts two glasses and a large bottle of water on the table for us…I’d likely do similar.
Does anyone think she is a bit rude or just me? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ah, it’s servant attitude. Been there, the mother thought she was akin to royalty. The house was freezing, a fire was lit in the room the child and I worked in but only two logs were allowed. She only spoke to me to tell me what to do. Had to cut short a lesson as I felt very ill, she reported me. I had pneumonia.

Yeah not replying hello is rude, I'd keep shouting HELLO pretending I assumed she couldn't hear me.
Unless she's hard of hearing ofc.

I agree.

Why do you need to be brought water or refreshments for three hours tutoring? Bring your own water, that would be standard I would think.

Ask yourself if you’ve been off putting in any way. Not saying you have but there’s a reason she’s not responding to your good mornings and good evenings. She may be rude but it may be something else. It could something as far fetched as you being overly familiar with her, her husband, or her child. It’s not like you know them very well.

JudgeRudy, we do know the OP's role. She said she is a tutor to the daughter.

I don't offer workers drinks unless their there all day like a builder. 3 hours doesn't seem long enough to be offering a drink to someone, if you was in a place of work you wouldn't be having a break or drink if you was on there 3 hours. However the not saying hi or bye is incredibly rude

Yeah she's rude.

Rich person attitude - isn't going to lower herself to acknowledging the help.

Is she paying you, so basically employing you in a professional capacity? I work in an office and would consider it very rude if my boss/managers or colleagues didn't acknowledge me saying hello etc. However, no way would I expect any of them to provide me with a drink or snacks. You should have access to toilet facilities that's as much as I would absolutely expect. Anything else is a bonus.

@SMabbutt The dad pays me, she doesn’t deal with any of that (her words)
It’s just her attitude I suppose..recently her Dd had been ill and I checked to see how she was and to see when she wanted to have her next lesson. She said she’d let me know later in the day how she was, fair enough. She texted a few hours later saying ‘You can come tomorrow’ is it me or is that written in a rude way?
I was thinking ‘Oh I can, can I?’ 🙈ffs

I think it’s clearly just a difference in cultures OP. Can you tell us which country she’s from?

She's very rude not to acknowledge you but I wouldn't expect her to offer drinks. If your only there for 3 hours I wouldn't expect you to be taking a tea break.

You’re the same poster who posted before saying they were abusive because she doesn’t know how to bake a cake, right? Maybe she saw your post on here and thinks she’s better off saying nothing than saying how she actually feels?

I wouldn’t consider that sentence to be that rude to be honest. Abrupt and stressed after her DD has been sick, yes.

But along with her other interactions with you then yes I could see how you found it rude.

Ultimately if you’re unhappy with how she speaks for you then look for another job/role.

She sounds utterly uncouth.

Bringing tea and biscuits for her child without so much as acknowledging you?

Uncouth.

I have worked with people from all over the world that tjat level of rudeness seems extreme.

It sounds to me as if she thinks you are the help and basic courtesies need not apply.

Do you badly need the job?

If not, I'd be dumping her and telling her why.

In which culture is it acceptable to ignore greetings and bring refreshments to one person ignoring the other??!

I think it's rude. I've always offered people working in my home a drink. If I go out then I make sure I leave tea bags and coffee out on the side and tell them to help themselves to those and the milk is in the fridge etc. I can't imagine ever not doing that.

I agree with you GGGR, but surely that wouldn't be passive aggressive, would it? Just forthright.

I honestly don't know what pass agg even means 😕

My sister worked as a part-time nanny for a Russian family who were incredibly rich. Billionaires. There were tons of nannies there - two for each of the three kids, as well as cleaners, chefs etc. The turnover was immense.

One day the wife walked into the kitchen, stark naked and wandered around and then walked back to her room. My sister said she realised that this woman didn't actually see them as human. It was quite a disconcerting moment. The husband was different and could be quite friendly, but the wife just acted as though they weren't there at all.

It’s not the drinks. It’s the lack of greeting or even a nod of the head I presume that would piss me off.

I would just treat her the same tbh. Wait and see if she speaks and be brief in your replies.
Dont bother to say goodbye. At least the husband seems to have manners.

She's extremely rude, and/or stunted in some way. At least the husband is decent.

Maybe cultural differences, maybe social anxiety, maybe neurodiversity or a hidden disability, maybe snobbery/rudeness, maybe all sorts of things or a mixture.

I wouldn't take it on board, it's not about you really, it's her issue.

Take a drink and snack with you if you continue to work for them.

Not saying hello or good-bye is rude.

Passive aggressive means expressing anger or dissatisfaction indirectly rather than directly. In this case, the OP wouldn’t say ‘Why don’t you ever greet me or offer me a drink?’ or ‘Can’t you say hello, you rude cow?’ but would sigh loudly when her employer brought the daughter tea or a snack, or fake coughs, get up and sullenly refill her water bottle, or say to the husband in front of the wife ‘Thank YOU for the nice coffee YOU made me yesterday’ etc.

I tutored many years ago.

A lot of parents were charm personified when trying to persuade me to fit their children in once per week, and then utterly rude once I'd committed to working for them.

Usually that came down to messing me about with times (expecting to be able to reschedule at the drop of a hat) or not paying on time and expecting me to be completely relaxed and happy to continue tutoring even when they kept forgetting to pay...

Barrages of emailed questions throughout the week asking for very detailed information, ideas, feedback and suggestions when only paying for one 45 minute session per week was another common feature.

A lot of parents did offer or put out drinks but some didn't. That never mattered as much as being treated like some kind of always available chat bot/ endlessly reschedulable "on demand" service instead of a busy person who they'd actively sort out and chased to tutor their children.

It wasn't worth it tbh - working for private individuals never is tbh. unless you're very strict and inflexible about their responsibility to you and expectations of them, not just your responsibility to them and their expectations of you.

Maybe cultural differences, maybe social anxiety, maybe neurodiversity or a hidden disability, maybe snobbery/rudeness, maybe all sorts of things or a mixture

If you're ND but functional enough to get married and have a child then you can definitely say hello and goodbye.