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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She doesn’t say hello, goodbye or offer a drink…do you think this is rude?

141 replies

Isrecordingloosewomenweird · 07/03/2023 19:24

I work in a woman’s house (working with her daughter)
When I come in in the morning, I smile and say ‘Good morning/hi/hello’ when I’m leaving I say ‘See you tomorrow, bye’ etc, she doesn’t reply.
I work with her Dd for three hours and am never offered a drink, so I bring my own bottle of water. The husband, if there, always offers a coffee and automatically puts two glasses and a large bottle of water on the table for us…I’d likely do similar.
Does anyone think she is a bit rude or just me? 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
NotAnotherBathBomb · 07/03/2023 19:54

Warrensrabbit · 07/03/2023 19:35

Are you working with her daughter as in a support worker or as a colleague? If your a support worker then yes she’s being rude, if you are a colleague and working from her house then she could well be peeved that her home is turning into an office

Why would it be this scenario? Then surely the daughter would offer her a drink if they were colleagues Confused

Gagaandgag · 07/03/2023 19:56

It’s the not even saying hello/goodbye 😡

SallyWD · 07/03/2023 19:57

Very rude! To ignore you is just horrible. I would always offer a drink too.

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 07/03/2023 19:58

I can't imagine having anyone working in any capacity in my home and not offer them a drink.

Passivhaus · 07/03/2023 20:00

Sounds like a bit of a snob tbh just ignore it if you like the job at least you know not to expect any pleasantries which is sometimes better than being "close" and hearing all their problems

OMGitsnotgood · 07/03/2023 20:01

Anyone who comes to our house, guest or someone we are paying to work here, is offered drinks and snacks. Can't imagine why people are saying they wouldn't p

WeCome1 · 07/03/2023 20:01

Does she speak English/the language you’re using?
If so, I think she thinks you’re inferior to her 😡

HotPenguin · 07/03/2023 20:01

It does sound rude, is she working from home? Perhaps she's busy working. Still rude though.

Enfys1982 · 07/03/2023 20:06

This reply has been deleted

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BluetheBear · 07/03/2023 20:06

I also don't think it is rude to not offer you a drink. I wouldn't expect a drink if I was in your position and I'd take water. It's nice if you're offered it but I don't think you should expect it. I've always thought it a bit onerous to offer workmen drinks as I'm usually at home working and I don't want to break off every couple of hours to make hot drinks that I don't drink myself.

It is rude to refuse to acknowledge you.

Bagzzz · 07/03/2023 20:07

Rude not saying hello/goodbye. Other interaction may be very hard if she is shy. I don’t think the drink thing is as much of an issue.

OldFan · 07/03/2023 20:07

YANBU but I knew someone else who was like that, with her cleaner. The woman doing it had autism, though, so I don't know if that was part of it.

I didn't even work for her and once I helped her get back from the hospital and bring her stuff in. Then she just said 'you can go now.' Grin

ColdHandsHotHead · 07/03/2023 20:10

People who are saying it's fine not to offer a drink, WTF? You offer someone a glass of water, as a bare minimum. It doesn't have to be bottled.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 07/03/2023 20:10

She’s rude and a snob and isn’t shy. She’s the type that likes you to know their place, eg as a tutor to her DD.

I’d actually tackle her about it and say she’s rude not to acknowledge when I arrive and leave but that’s because I’m a passive-aggressive bitch!

Only you can decide if you ignore it or not.

Hillrunning · 07/03/2023 20:12

Not saying hello or goodbye is odd. But why would she offer you a drink if she knows that her husband will?

Verbena17 · 07/03/2023 20:15

My first thought is does she (the mum) have additional needs? Is she non-speaking? Is she autistic? Does she feel unable to communicate in that situation? Perhaps not understanding social cues and norms?

Even very rude people would generally say morning to someone coming into their own home, so I find that very unlikely. I would say SEND is much more likely.

CuriousMama · 07/03/2023 20:16

I would ignore her. She's a cunt.

She's not being a very good role model to her dd is she?

Verbena17 · 07/03/2023 20:17

Oh hang on - just seen your post saying she’s self assured and confident…..so she does talk to you then? Just not hello and goodbye?

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 07/03/2023 20:17

This is so rude!! You should just start ignoring her now

ortonym · 07/03/2023 20:17

As the husband seems reasonably normal, why don't you ask if you can have a quiet word with him and then ask him if you've upset his wife?

PosieLuton · 07/03/2023 20:18

She probably sees you as just staff. I bet she would never treat someone posh in this way.

WandaWonder · 07/03/2023 20:18

I would be fine with the no drink thing but a basic hello and good goodbye is expected atleast

VestaTilley · 07/03/2023 20:19

She’s being rude and setting a terrible example for her daughter of how to treat people. Bizarre.

NewCarOldCar · 07/03/2023 20:20

Yesthatismychildsigh · 07/03/2023 19:27

It’s not rude to not offer you a drink. You’re not exactly a guest. I would, but there’s no obligation.maybe she’s cripplingly shy.

Why do people make such stupid excuses like "cripplingly shy" for such appalling rudeness? Too "shy" to say "hello"?

What a silly thing to say

reddwarfgeek · 07/03/2023 20:20

Very rude,OP.

Language barrier/speech issue?

Otherwise I think she's just being a total knob, sorry.

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