She doesn’t say hello, goodbye or offer a drink…do you think this is rude?

[Isrecordingloosewomenweird]

I work in a woman’s house (working with her daughter)
When I come in in the morning, I smile and say ‘Good morning/hi/hello’ when I’m leaving I say ‘See you tomorrow, bye’ etc, she doesn’t reply.
I work with her Dd for three hours and am never offered a drink, so I bring my own bottle of water. The husband, if there, always offers a coffee and automatically puts two glasses and a large bottle of water on the table for us…I’d likely do similar.
Does anyone think she is a bit rude or just me? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wonder if it’s a culture thing if she’s not from the UK originally 🤔. Not that I can think of a cultural norm where not saying hello is the protocol.

Is she hard of hearing? So if she’s facing the sink like you say, she might not hear you?

I mean the reason I say if there's a cultural difference is because in the middle east when you hire someone to work for you it is a very different power dynamic to here in UK. Of course we will think it is very rude to not say hi and bye etc but people wouldn't even bat an eyelid in Dubai for example

It sounds like there is something more going on here. Perhaps the dh is controlling, perhaps she has her own issues with social interactions, perhaps she doesn't agree with having a tutor, perhaps you said or did something to upset her.

Whatever it is we don't know. The only way you will find out is if you ask? Something along the lines of - "can we have a chat after our session today?"

Very rude if she's bringing a drink to her daughter and not offering one to you. Very rude to ignore you as well. I would be tempted to.leave tbh.

Absolutely rude and selfish! And lacking manners. I can’t abide people who don’t say hello or goodbye. I have the same with a school mum and I now stoop to her level and don’t bother with pleasantries, but it doesn’t make me feel good. In some ways I wonder if I would make myself feel better still saying hello and goodbye but when I do and I don’t get a response I feel like a door mat! Some people are just plain rude OP.

@CustardySergeant
Extremely or shockingly rude? Really. I admit the ignoring bit is a bit off but on my scale that would be 'yeah maybe a bit'
As for the husbands 'normal' manners I'd say getting an employee a drink isn't something most people would do so probably a 50:50 split. It's certainly not abnormal to not to offer the nanny, tutor, therapist, carer a drink if she's only there for 3hrs. As people have said, she's not a guest.

You clearly don’t understand social anxiety. If you know the poor women struggles with interacting with you socially why do you keep putting her in a position that could be having a significant negative effect on her MH, esp when her family are paying you

Ah, now you’ve updated. I’ve sometimes met women (and men) who are like this, they seem to want to come across as English, if they’re not, and some of them
think this is indeed the way you treat staff. It also has a snobby element to it.

I would actually have a quiet chat to her about this saying you find it strange she doesn’t acknowledge you but preface this with, have you done anything wrong/done anything to upset her etc, as you feel you have done, with her general lack of interaction with you. Probably won’t solve anything but at least you’ve said something!

Yes she's rude, including the lack of drink. I wouldn't dream of not offering you a drink.

I feel like you have posted about this family before.

The not saying heloo/goodbye and especially not responding when you say hello/goodby is very rude, especially from a manager/boss/employer.

The not offering you a drink isn't particularly rude. You should be capable of asking for anything necessary (like a glass of water or to use the toilet) if it doesn't seem you can just help yourself . Workplaces aren't obliged to provide you with tea or coffee and aren't rude for not doing so, though I know I am more likely to be more loyal to a workplace that does.

People are strange. I clean a big, beautiful house with lots of fancy gadgets in it including an expensive bean to cup coffee machine. About 3 weeks ago the husband started making a coffee and asked if I wanted one and of course I said yes to try the fancy coffee. He made me instant! Literally while he was making his posh coffee, he pulled a jar of Dowe Egberts out of the cupboard and gave me that. Posh coffee is not for 'the help' it seems.

I'm bit shocked that some people wouldn't offer a drink.

I am shy and reserved but I always offer a coffee/tea/water and a chat to anyone who comes to the house. As you are there for so long I’d probably put tea/ coffee/mug etc all out and say go and make your own drink if you want one (as I do for the babysitter when they come around). I would definitely not leave you without any drink for the entire time you are there.

In fairness, a fellow school parent is a different situation to someone you’ve hired to work, and I agree with a pp that other cultures have very different ideas of appropriate behaviours around people working in your house, just as they have different norms about smiling or the use of ‘please’ or ‘thank you’.

But don’t most people if they move to a different country, not their country of birth/upbringing generally adopt the customs and social norms of that country?

I’m sure I’ve met Middle Eastern people living in England who do acknowledge “staff”.

@C4ou56 Eh? 🤷🏻‍♀️

@Bimblybomeyelash No, never have, not been there long.

When I worked as a tutor I’d say this is normal 90% of the time. When I had one family that always offered tea and chocolate biscuits it was a highlight of my week! I wouldn’t expect refreshments.

Offering a tea or coffee is an ice-breaker, I do it in professional scenarios and when people visit my home. Years ago I had corporate training and the trainer said if you are ever in a meeting and someone offers you a drink, always accept it, whether you want one or not. It’s just a nice, pleasant way to start a meeting and instantly gets you chatting ‘sugar? Semi-skimmed ok? Sorry about the Mickey Mouse mug! This woman sounds bloody obnoxious. Just rude.

Actually I thought uncomfortable too...we don't know OPs role but let's say the daughter has health problems....maybe OP is a mental health therapist or perhaps she's changing catheters or clearing CF lungs/Airways....perhaps mum would rather not talk about it and thinks j7stvdobwhat you have to then go...being sociable with you makes it more real.

@creekingmillenial That has normally been the norm for me tbh, certainly never expected, but v nicely received! I suppose I’ve been spoilt 🙈

I wonder if the husband really wanted a tutor and she didn't and so she resents you being there?

@Choconut No, it was all driven for her…from what I can see, he does what he’s told 😬

Disagree, that’s very very rude. She can’t respond to good morning or goodbye really?

The drinks is a nice gesture which I would do but not compulsory but to ignore when she greets her is rude and wrong.