To feel really upset after 12 month check?

[Babyimyours]

For background, my sister has ASD and is non verbal. In her 20s and will never live independently. I was worried about disability before conceiving. We had genetic counselling (recommended by MIL and husband two months before our wedding but that’s another story). We had a preterm but mostly healthy baby boy who is very socially engaged and loves books and nursery rhymes.

We just had the 12 month check but did the 10 month questionnaire because of said prematurity. He did well on some things but she said that she wants to review his communication in 3 months. I feel so, so upset. If anything communication was the thing I felt relaxed about (he isn’t pulling himself up, crawling or cruising yet though is a big boy. She’s not worried about this.)

I didn’t tick the box for him saying mama or dada or babbling. The thing is, he first said mummy at six months. He has since said it sporadically as well as other words such as Daddy, Wow, Yes, No, Hi etc. He says these sporadically but in context. Other people have commented on how advanced he seems communication and eye contact wise.

I did explain this. I left feeling crushed. Probably disproportionately so because of my family history. I don’t think my husband understands why I’m so upset. He didn’t comfort me or give me a hug, just told me I was being negative. The health visitor is emailing us a list of games to play with him. It is hard not to feel judged.

AIBU to be panicking now? I wish we hadn’t gone. I feel really teary and sad.

Why didn’t you tick the boxes if he is doing those things? Did she observe him? Or was it all reliant on the survey? Don’t be alarmed, lots of children are a bit behind but fine and the fact he was prem will play into that.

Don't worry, they just see a tiny snap shot of your baby, and look for specific warnings for problems which probably dont exist, simply because early detection is helpful if they do exist - in other words it is a system that flags up 50 healthy children to stop 1 falling through the net

Your little boy sounds awesome

Have you got a copy of his communication section? So I can take a look? I really wouldn't worry, if you're happy, and he can do what you're saying and in context, sounds like he is doing well.

He sounds like he's doing really well. Please try not to worry.

She didn’t really observe him that much because he was really whingy due to being unwell. So was hard to get a clear picture. She went off our answers. As he isn’t saying Mama or Dada specifically I guess those were a no?

Those words you've listed are more than my DD had at her 2 year check!

I don’t but maybe I was interpreting the questions too literally. I ticked not yet or sometimes to most of them. He doesn’t follow commands for example or play nursery games with me whatever that means (clap along I think). He recognises the songs and engages just doesn’t do the hand actions. And he says words just not super regularly and not the double sounded ones in the form.

Please try not to panic your little one is certainly within the normal range. My son didn’t say more than a handful of words until he was 3yrs old, we all had to learn baby sign to communicate with him.
He’s speaks like any other child now and he’s definitely not autistic.

My son babbled until he was three. He’s a healthy happy articulate little 6 year old and we have no concerns.

Hi OP, my DS was born a bit prem so had to do the 10 month questionnaire as well as the 12 month one. My DS sounds similar yours in terms of development at 12 months but I feel like i ticked more boxes to say he had started to do something compared to you. The HV my DS saw said he was doing great and was pretty sure his prematurity hasn't affected his development but she was particularly engaged with my DS whereas yours doesn't sound like she was.

I'm wondering if you did answer the questions too literally? Your DS sounds like he's doing really well. I've come across some HVs who were particularly insensitive around my little boys prematurity and development and it sounds like this could be the case for you too. He's doing amazingly well 👏 well done mummy!

Would try not to panic. My Mother’s godson (now in his 40s), youngest of four, just pointed and grunted -the only word he uttered before going to school was “tractor”. He’s now a rather successful barrister (KC) and doesn’t stop talking!

Try not to worry or be overly upset - easy for me to say. They are only checking in. I do remember the devastation when after 2 Yr check they needed to see one of my dc monthly as he was virtually non verbal - couldn't produce recognisable sounds. I hadn't realised and felt awful. He had intensive SALT until primary then less intense over the years. He is now a grumpy 11 yr old who can speak perfectly well.

Did you take it all too literally? If he says ‘Daddy’ and ‘Mummy’ then that’s the same as ‘Mama’ and ‘Dada’ so you should have said yes to that.

Sounds like a review is just another opportunity to see where he is up to, and to give you reassurance from how you answered the questions.

So does he make some sounds?
Can he copy some sounds back to you?
Does he make two similar sounds?
Can he wave bye bye?
Does row row row your boat motion if he hears the song himself? Or anything like that?
Does he say 3 consistent words?

Agreed

So he doesn’t say Mamma and Dadda but he does say mummy and daddy, so you said no? That’s not what they meant.

My son was a 28 weeker. The person we saw for his 12 month check was the same and made me feel like shit. I asked her if she had any specialisation in prem babies to be told no, she was a general health visitor.

Don't worry too much. They will go by corrected age for some things as and when it suits they don't.

They told me my son had a speech delay, he then went to see an expert who was cross they made me feel bad and said based on his corrected age he was fine. He was babbling as well.

Honestly, I know few people who haven't been made to feel useless by a health visitor or similar. Just smile and nod.

Thanks for this lovely post. She didn’t really observe him at all because he was whinging. In hindsight I should have postponed until he was better.

I probably was too literal about the questions because I was worried about them. I did explain that he can say proper words. Also if I say “give it to me” he doesn’t give me the toy, but then I’d literally never asked him to do that before the questionnaire so I don’t really think it indicates much.

I think maybe I overthought the questionnaire and stuck too rigidly to its parameters.

Yes he makes some sounds.
He can copy sounds. He also spent a week copying Mr Tumble’s laugh off the telly.
He doesn’t really make two similar sounds and he doesn’t do row your boat. He recognises songs and tries to hide if I sing Sing a Song of Sixpence because he knows the bird is coming to peck his nose.
Re words, it depends what you mean by consistent. He has probably said ten words total and some of them repeatedly, but not often. He goes through phases thohgh. He’s spending all his time at the moment practising walking.

I did explain this to her.
He doesn’t say them every day, and hasn’t much recently. I don’t think I properly understood the question.

He sounds fine? He's essentially 10 months old and 10 month old babies don't generally tend to have words, more sounds that will develop into words.

Definitely sounds like you overthought it OP. Speech sounds good for a 1YO (Mummy vs. Mama is just pronunciation). Keep an eye on the following instructions but I wouldn’t necessarily be worried about that. If I ask my 2YO to give me a toy he won’t do it, because he’s playing with it and doesn’t want to hand it over 🤣 Doing the actions to wheels on the bus or whatever is really not something I’d expect at 10 months corrected either, neither of mine did that until like 18 months. He sounds perfect, really don’t worry!

Last couple; ;)

If you say 'ta' will he have over a toy/or at least look to your hand with an idea what you mean? Or if you say 'come on' will he follows you? Does he lift up his arms or anything when want picking up? Or if you say 'no' to something, does he know what this means/does he stop?
Does he know who is mum/who is dad?

It also sounds like she didn't listen to you or even tried to engage with your little boy.

I did find the questionnaire rigid in some ways and also when I came to ticking the boxes, my DH said I was "marking him down" too much so he took over from me! I found having a prem baby made me particularly critical and also anxious with anything to do with development. I still get my hackles up if anyone comments negatively on my little boy's development.

Since my DS 1st birthday, he's development has been great! I'm sure it will be the same for you and your DS too 😍

Oh and I’ve just remembered from DD’s 1YO review, they asked on the check list if she could pick up Cheerios. I had no clue as I’d never fed them to her. This was in the US where Cheerio’s are made to a different recipe and are a really popular baby/toddler snack. I had no clue as had just moved there. And I got all worried about the fact that she hadn’t had them yet. Turns out they were just asking if she could do the pincer grip and to most parents asking if baby could pick Cheerios was simpler than explaining what the pincer grip is. Looking back it sounds insane! But in short I get it and I know how questions can throw you off. Especially when you’re not expecting it.