To feel really upset after 12 month check?

[Babyimyours]

For background, my sister has ASD and is non verbal. In her 20s and will never live independently. I was worried about disability before conceiving. We had genetic counselling (recommended by MIL and husband two months before our wedding but that’s another story). We had a preterm but mostly healthy baby boy who is very socially engaged and loves books and nursery rhymes.

We just had the 12 month check but did the 10 month questionnaire because of said prematurity. He did well on some things but she said that she wants to review his communication in 3 months. I feel so, so upset. If anything communication was the thing I felt relaxed about (he isn’t pulling himself up, crawling or cruising yet though is a big boy. She’s not worried about this.)

I didn’t tick the box for him saying mama or dada or babbling. The thing is, he first said mummy at six months. He has since said it sporadically as well as other words such as Daddy, Wow, Yes, No, Hi etc. He says these sporadically but in context. Other people have commented on how advanced he seems communication and eye contact wise.

I did explain this. I left feeling crushed. Probably disproportionately so because of my family history. I don’t think my husband understands why I’m so upset. He didn’t comfort me or give me a hug, just told me I was being negative. The health visitor is emailing us a list of games to play with him. It is hard not to feel judged.

AIBU to be panicking now? I wish we hadn’t gone. I feel really teary and sad.

I hope you have a lovely day🎂

Did you mean to spell your occupation that way, @Offdutypead?

Try not to worry, all children develop differently. He will probably become a little chatterbox at 18 months!

Yes that’s why I asked!

I’ll try to but I wish I’d never posted to be honest.

My 12 month old doesn’t do any of those things. I’m pretty sure she understands the word no but only because she’s particularly gleeful when she then does the thing anyway.

HVs do mean well but short appointments with standardised questions aren’t really the best way of assessing a child’s development. I wouldn’t worry too much about any of this at least not at this stage.

It can be spelled both ways pead is American, my phone thinks it's on the East Coast

Huh? How else would you spell it? Unless you are American where they drop the a?

I can find any reference to peadiatrician being the US spelling. I can only find it spelled paediatrician or pediatrician.

Haha a paediatrician that can’t spell their occupation. Righty-Ho.

op, ignore this. No professional in their right mind would post stuff like this (or spell their occupation wrong.) Enjoy his birthday. What will be will be. Worrying won’t change anything and is a thief of joy!

You know Dyslexic people are allowed to work and thrive in any field they like. Dyslexia doesn't stop you from being a good doctor 🙄

She’s not dyslexic - she stated clearly that that’s how you spell it. She only seems to post on medical threads too. All a bit odd.

I have other usernames for other threads.

I am dyslexic btw

It’s too early to worry about this, I understand your apprehension but best avoid jumping the gun and looking for indications prematurely. Your child is perfect just the way they are so best enjoy them fully without jumping ahead.

Time to go off duty “offdutypead”.

I would say don’t compare him to your sisters development. Even if he does turn out to be autistic, he could present in a very different way. My autistic DC was a very early talker and walker, and is very social. My NT child was the prem baby, and late developer - he didn’t really talk until he had his tonsils out just before he turned 3, but that progressed very quickly.

it’s too early to tell if it’s just your sons prematurity - which I agree many HV really don’t know how to factor into development checks.
for now, watch and wait, and enjoy your baby - he sounds lovely!

Not sure how my employers and patients would feel about that tbh.

I had similar- the HV was very strict with the word list and my LO used words just not the ones on their list!

Also you know bills to pay, but thanks for your advice.

@Offdutypead You're a professional who throws stats like 50:50 around?

You’ve not made one other spelling mistake in all your posts I’ve looked at. Except for how to spell your own job title 😂

And convenient another random poster suddenly came along to argue you’re dyslexic right before you came back to say you were.

I think it’s time to admit you’re not a paediatrician and bow out

Oh you’ve gone @Offdutypead. please come back

I do apologise for being at work and then out last night. How can I help you ?

If it's any consolation I have felt the exact same coming out of these checkups with DC1, HVs not really interested in trying to observe the child, and me being told I had to use the exact word list when I said yes or no- i.e. my DC might use teeny/tiny to describe a small thing but I couldn't tick unless they said small. And there were some words that we dont even use as a family (think sofa vs couch kind of difference). I was utterly enraged by the whole thing first time round.

2 kids later and I've taken these check ups with much more a pinch of salt- even the HVs have got less interested as there's been more "you know what your doing, are you happy with DC2?" as we've gone along. If you're happy with your DCs progress then try not to let it get to you.

Mine have never done brilliantly at the language quiz for the reasons above- they are a random selection of words and a lot on the list do have synonyms, like mama/dada/mummy/daddy. That didn't mean they weren't absolutely fine though. It is just a somewhat daft system but it's probably the best they've got to get a snap shot of a lot of children in a short time.