To feel really upset after 12 month check?

[Babyimyours]

For background, my sister has ASD and is non verbal. In her 20s and will never live independently. I was worried about disability before conceiving. We had genetic counselling (recommended by MIL and husband two months before our wedding but that’s another story). We had a preterm but mostly healthy baby boy who is very socially engaged and loves books and nursery rhymes.

We just had the 12 month check but did the 10 month questionnaire because of said prematurity. He did well on some things but she said that she wants to review his communication in 3 months. I feel so, so upset. If anything communication was the thing I felt relaxed about (he isn’t pulling himself up, crawling or cruising yet though is a big boy. She’s not worried about this.)

I didn’t tick the box for him saying mama or dada or babbling. The thing is, he first said mummy at six months. He has since said it sporadically as well as other words such as Daddy, Wow, Yes, No, Hi etc. He says these sporadically but in context. Other people have commented on how advanced he seems communication and eye contact wise.

I did explain this. I left feeling crushed. Probably disproportionately so because of my family history. I don’t think my husband understands why I’m so upset. He didn’t comfort me or give me a hug, just told me I was being negative. The health visitor is emailing us a list of games to play with him. It is hard not to feel judged.

AIBU to be panicking now? I wish we hadn’t gone. I feel really teary and sad.

In terms of playing ‘nursery games’ we didn’t play those, but I told her that he let me know if he wanted to play ‘tickle chase’ our own little game by making eye contact and giggling and starting to crawl away and she was happy with that. Sometimes you kind of need to interpret the questions to suit what you do with him iyswim. In terms of language sounds like he’d meet the standard?

I mean, I thought so. I did try and explain to her that we have our own games that he recognises and responds to. I’ve woken up more annoyed than upset because I don’t really feel that I was listened to. I really did try and stress that he has said other words.

They’re just box ticking love tbh I think. Ask for another call to be reassured. Was it the HV or a healthcare assistant type person?

I agree that if he says all these words in context (ie he understands what they mean) then his communication is advanced. What exactly is the HV worried about? Are you sure he doesn't babble? If he's saying words (with or without context) surely that counts as babbling? Did you not tick the box because he doesn't say it often or every day? I don't think he needs to at this stage

When you ask him something like "where is mummy / daddy" does he look at the right person? Not everytime because sometimes kids are just not bothered to answer your questions or busy with something else and not interested in following instructions but has he shown that he understands these words?

Also keep in mind that no two health visitors have the same expectations or give the same advice and there is a lot of subjectivity in the questionnaire itself.

Neither of my kids had any words at 12month let alone 10months. My daughter started saying her first words at 14 months and then her vocabulary just exploded. Since then she's always been very advanced in communication. She babbled well before that but not constantly. I remember being a bit worried about it. also he babbled a lot more with dh than with me. Is it possible that your dh has heard more babbling and is therefore less worried?

DS is just 1.5 years old and till recently just had a few words but is now picking up more every day. He has always been a big babbler but I've got a feeling that his communication isn't as advanced as my daughters was at sthis stage.

I'm babbling myself now about my own experiences. Apologies about that. I have just read your other posts on this thread and honestly you have got nothing to worry about. He seems to be doing very well and seems indeed to be advanced in his communication skills.

It's so hard not to worry. I worried before every milestone with dd. I'd vowed to relax this time round but I still worry with ds. I think for now your little one seems to be doing everything he should be. 😊

I don’t think I’ve known any 10 month olds who can say proper words?!

I think unfortunately you answered too literally. He clearly can communicate and no doubt any baby would benefit from the exercises.

I've been there, I remember my HV was concerned... I cried and cried... so worried, helpless then I spoke to friends and family. They assured me DC were doing what they should be. Hopefully you will be same as me and all the worry was over nothing!!!

My daughter was born at 36 weeks. She never really crawled r pulled herself up. Didn´t say mama or daddy. She one day pulled herself up at 13 months and cruised the furniture, then some months later started words, and now she is a 4.5 year old chatterbox. She had her own tempos, not the official tempos. So unless we are talking of something really off, he is not obliged to comply with the official guidelines. He is he, he is unique.

It sounds like they are just being careful due to family history. My dd2 was put through additional check's because of her sister, there's nothing wrong with her, just a late talker

I am sure the HV wasn't judging you, and from your description, it all sounds like normal communication to me.

Anecdotal I know, but one of my kids was mostly incomprehensible to everybody except me and two other adults when he started school. Speech and language therapy did nothing to help, but he cracked it during Reception year and is a very intelligent 8 year old now.

Try to relax. It will almost certainly all be fine.

I'm late to this thread. I'm a Speech Therapist. My son had a HV check at 9m. It was the ASQ for 9-10 months. He scored poorly in the communication section. I answered exactly what the question said e.g. can he play games like Peekaboo without you showing him (paraphrasing as I don't remember exactly). I said no, because I would have to show him first. The HV said 'oh doesn't he like Peekaboo?' I explained but he got scored down.

Anyway 3m later I text them and said he was doing well and didn't need a review. By 18 months he was using full sentences.

The ASQ has some slight flaws IMO. At work we have had a few referrals for children who scored low at around 12m but were fine. It's a bit annoying but better than missing children who do need help. Try not to worry!

This is what I thought as well. I took my son at 22 months to get checked as he wasn't speaking yet and they said to give it a couple more months. Low and behold he started with the words. Op your little boy sounds like he's doing fine to me !

Thanks everyone. This has been reassuring. She didn’t seem that impressed with his words and more worried that he doesn’t “babble” (he does make sounds he just doesn’t make them exactly like in the questions, so he doesn’t say “mamamamama” but has gone “mummum”). He’s been sick a lot and was also preterm so I’m trying not to worry. I think he might just be spending time trying to walk at the moment and hopefully the babbling will return in time for the follow up

Thanks so much for this. I do think we did the questions quite literally. Mine does not play peekaboo (by which I mean put his own hands over his eyes, he likes me doing it) or make hand actions really, apart from the odd wave and he’s starting to point a bit.

I read online that if a baby isn’t babbling by ten months then that’s considered a red flag. He does babble he just makes noises slightly differently to the questions. And also was preterm. Since being in hospital he has been a bit quieter though has been going “hah hah hah” this week and saying “gah”. Nursery also said he wasn’t babbling but he’s been unwell since he started a few weeks ago. He answered yes to a question last week so I’m trying not to worry.

I think for some of us health visitor checks are always going to feel fraught and there’s not much I can do about that considering my family history. All these messages have been very reassuring though, yours included. So thank you.

I do autism assessments professionally. From what you describe I would say it's 50:50. There are some signs of good social communication (eye contact, pointing), but the fact his words "come and go" and also the week spent copying Mr Tumble's laugh does concern me. As you will know Autism is more common in children who were born pre-term and also in boys, that combined with the family history would give me pause for thought.

Does he reliably respond to his name ?
Does he look at you if you ask for example " where is mummy?"
The tuneful babbling (that sounds like speech but isn't) is a really important sign at this age (yes correcting for prematurity) . You say he makes noises, are these reciprocal?

It seems bananas to me that you could say something as categorical as “it’s 50:50” based on an internet forum thread for a child you’ve never met? If you do this in a professional capacity this is concerning.

I asked the health visitor directly if she was concerned about autism and she said no. Yes he responds to his name, looks at me, etc. He laughs naturally and authentically, he just loved Mr Tumble when he first saw it. His words don’t come and go so much as they have been coming slowly. He has been unwell recently though so has been more subdued. He spent some time in hospital too.

I remember my sister as a baby and she was nothing like this. He is exceptionally sociable, and everyone says so. I also know that it’s very, very early to be trying to detect signs of autism.

Your post feels a bit unprofessional, I must say. I spoke to a speech therapist earlier and they said almost the exact opposite - that he sounds fine. Also no paediatrician who has seen him has raised any concerns whatsoever.

@Offdutypead how interesting. Can I ask, what’s the age by which you can be ‘fairly confident’ a child is autistic? And what are the reddest flags, if that makes sense? By premature, how premature?

Babyimyours- sorry if you felt it was unprofessional. By 50:50 I meant some of what you is reassuring, but other things are less so. Spending my life assessing developmental delay I do get fed up of people whether they be grandparents, health visitors or keyboard warriors saying " oh it will be fine", " they all get there in the end" etc. It is falsely reassuring and delays support. As an ex-prem with a positive family history your son is at increased risk. To say he is definitely going to be fine would be wrong.

It is great that he consistently responds to his name. I hope his speech continues to develop normally.

Moonicorn I think the reddest flag is regression (losing words, eye contact) other very suggestive things are flapping and/ or stimming after about 18m. Despite the impression I may have given, I rarely diagnose before 2.5 or 3.

Getting hering checked is really important and ideally a SALT assesment (although cuts...)

Hearing checked obviously

They frequently review these things, I promise it’s not a big deal. please try not to worry!

On a positive note OP in 3 months you'll get another chance to discuss his progress. It's hard not to fret and as a parent of an autistic child I really understand how concerned you must be. But it doesn't sound like you have much to worry about.

Also from what I understand the babbling at 10 months from what I understand is a red flag if it isn't trying to imitate speech. My autistic son babbled on time but looking back on videos it was sounds for himself as a stim no imitation of speech.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAxOyANz3J0&feature=youtu.be

This video is pretty good at showing the type of communication we would expect to see around 9 to 10 months. If your son is behaving in a similar way to the babies on this clip then his social communication currently typical. It shows the reciprocity I described beautifully.

Are you a paediatrician, do you mind me asking?He doesn’t do much of that yet. His corrected age would be ten and a bit months. But tbh I have observed that he tends to start doing stuff about two weeks after his corrected age each milestone I have started worrying about. He has also been unwell with a bad throat (bacterial tonsillitis, lost his voice, hospital before that) and has been sleeping a lot:

I will watch and wait and do some activities with him. It’s not the best time to try and gauge as he’s been so tired he’s just been cuddling and watching nursery rhymes.

I feel even more worried now, and it’s his birthday today, so I think I’ll leave this thread now.

Yes I am a developmental peadiatrician, hence the username.