Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its time to get rid of personal titles ie. Miss, Mrs, Ms?

1000 replies

jumpingbean1810 · 07/03/2023 06:22

I was ordering something in a shop the other day and the assistant, in her 20s, was putting my details into their system. She said, I hate asking this, I find it so embarrassing but are you Miss, Ms or Mrs? I replied I'm Miss. I was there with my daughter so in that one exchange I'd divulged I was a single, unmarried parent. It's not information the shop needs for me to order a lamp. And if I was a man, they'd be Mr and none the wiser as to marital status. I know I could say Ms but does any married woman really use Ms? So Ms just ends up sounding like a Miss with issues. It got me thinking why do we need personal titles, how often are they really used anyway? Can they not just be scrapped from form filling? With the increasing desire by the younger generation to not even be defined by gender, identifying women by their marital status feels so outdated. It's international women's day tomorrow and in the spirit of embracing equity, isn't it time we abolished women being defined by marital status?

OP posts:
Firefly2023 · 07/03/2023 08:29

I now use Dr for things like this. I am not a medical doctor, so shouldn't in theory, but started with Amazon buying academic books and now as the question annoys me, for other shops etc where it is completely irrelevant, I use my academic title. I agree that Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms and Mx are pointless when everyone is known by first names and should be done away with completely.

Imthegingerbreadwoman · 07/03/2023 08:29

I sometimes use Ms depending on where I am. And the situation. But whenever I do it always gets a raised eyebrow so I guess it's not used much!

HonestFeedback · 07/03/2023 08:31

SnowAndFrostOutside · 07/03/2023 08:19

I’m Dr or Ms. Back in NZ I am just my first name. I am foreign and I don’t find these marital titles respectful or formal. It’s degrading to address women by marital status.

I agree, why are we labelling women by their marital status but not men? I've called myself Ms since I was 16 (in the 80's) for this reason. Ms is very common here in Australia isn't associated with being divorced at all.

stickygotstuck · 07/03/2023 08:32

Conkersinautumn · 07/03/2023 08:26

I got into HUGE trouble at work when I sent a letter to a woman as Ms X rather than Mrs X, my boss basically said it was an insult and I had to apologise for 'casting aspersions' (i pointed out we didnt collect that info, we just had first name surname and we werent supposed to use first name and surely its more rude to jump to conclusions to me Ms means you recognise they are an adult, their marital status isnt my business etc). I've used Ms ever since and that boss always refused to use it. She was a good 30 years older than me and seemed to think this was still a necessary 'standard' back in 2006 ish.

You see, that's the issue. I don't have a crystal ball, how should I know?
I also use Ms for every woman, on the assumption that you can't get it wrong that way.

SquirrelSoShiny · 07/03/2023 08:34

spelunky · 07/03/2023 06:27

It annoys me too but I don't think the answer is to get rid of titles.

The answer is for 'Ms' to become the only option for women, like 'Mr' for men. For this to happen, more women like you need to adopt it and decide to use it.

I'm married and I use it unapologetically. I don't think it makes people think I have 'issues'.

This.

JunkinDonuts · 07/03/2023 08:35

I'm a Mrs and I care not what anyone thinks about it.
Call yourself what you like.

avocadotofu · 07/03/2023 08:35

I use Ms, I'm married and kept my name. I really don't like Miss and Mrs but I guess the point is that people can choose what they're called. I think of Ms as the equivalent of Mr.

JamBiscuitBun · 07/03/2023 08:36

I'm over titles too OP. Totally unnecessary in this day & age.

ririca · 07/03/2023 08:36

My mum is convinced that "Ms" always means a divorced women. I have tried to explain that not all women who use Ms are divorced but she never accepts it.

I do find it weird that the UK still uses the Miss/Mrs (with added Ms) dichotomy. Lots of other countries like France don't. I guess it's just more culturally ingrained here and most people don't question it.

Oopstheregoesanotherrubbertreeplant · 07/03/2023 08:39

I was a Ms back in the 80s until I got my PhD, and still use Ms if there's no option to use the correct title.

ladykale · 07/03/2023 08:40

I'm married and I often use Ms.

Used it before and after marriage.

Don't really understand why marital status is relevant for anything

Nimbostratus100 · 07/03/2023 08:43

Swiftswatch · 07/03/2023 07:38

In what way?

Show quote history

because I am an independent woman, and very happy and proud to be single, and publically contradict the pathetic insidious misogynistic messaging that the ambition of a woman is to find a husband..

I work in a school and if anyone calls me Mrs or Ms I correct them loudly and clearly and make sure any girls in the room hear the message that single life is a happy and valid life choice, and that men are optional to a woman, not a necessity.

My current school ( and some I have worked in in the past) have had a policy of Ms or Mrs as the only female titles used, but to many of us "Miss"s. objected strongly to that, so the policy was changed

JeimeHonfUcoim · 07/03/2023 08:43

backinthebox · 07/03/2023 07:43

@ ClusterFunk “I am however doing a PhD, and once I get it I’ll be Dr. Own what you’ve earned.”

Well done (no, I mean it - it’s a huge accomplishment to complete a PhD.) You’ll be one of those passengers we’ll shake awake in the middle of the night when we call our medical advisors on the satellite phone and they tell us the sick patient needs a medical professional to use the lifesaving equipment we carry on board. [BITB thinks back to last week when all hell broke loose at 3am over some bit of endless jungle with nowhere safe to go and the people we woke up were 2 very pissed of doctors of sodding chemistry. They weren’t able to insert a catheter.)

As long as you’re cool with that. It’s an impressive achievement, but I do wish it was possible to tell the difference between a doctor who treats patients in a medical capacity and those who spent 3 years extra at uni. It genuinely does make a big difference in circumstances like the one above.

I’m a Mrs, btw. I did not change my name on getting married so technically am a Ms. On forms I tick Mr as it irritates me that women are sorted into married, single or awkward so go for the only title which does not give away any information at all as to what my status might be, ie the male approach. I realise this causes confusion, but bizarrely it does not cause nearly as much confusion as trying to explain that yes I am married and yes I am called Mrs BITB but no, Mr BITB is called something else (I didn’t make him change his name when we married!) At work I have a unisex professional title that is not one in use outside of aviation.

(a) you can't always specify your title when booking plane tickets - last ones I booked only had the option of Mr, Miss or Mrs so a medical doctor would be just as anonymous as a plumber on a flight

(b) the top consultant doctors go back to being Mr/Ms and regard it as an insult if you address them as Doctor as that's giving them a lower status

it's the ignorance of the people who think that doctor means medic that's the problem here, not the perfectly reasonable behaviour of using a title that has been legitimately earned.

MrsClatterbuck · 07/03/2023 08:44

Fucket · 07/03/2023 06:34

I use the Mrs prefix. I changed my name when I married so I would have the same family name as my children. Miss Fucket is the names of my DDs and if I am being formally addressed then Mrs Fucket would be me.

I do think their ought to be a more distinguishable prefix for single men and boys though as we have 3 Mr Fuckets and you couldn’t tell them apart.

Years ago your sons would have been addressed as Master Fucket but as they became adults would have got Mr or maybe known as say George Fucket Esq whereas girls were Miss and continued as Miss until they married and became Mrs.
When I started work late seventies we were addressing male customers John Smith Esq on correspondence. It wasn't until we went computerised in the eighties that we dropped the Esq and went with Mr.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 07/03/2023 08:45

Haven't read all the comments, has anyone come in saying they love being a Mrs yet? 😂

Zebedee55 · 07/03/2023 08:45

I'm a "Mrs" and happy to be one. I don't care what others call themselves.🙂

Bouledeneige · 07/03/2023 08:48

Use Ms. I'm a divorced mother who never changed her name and it's fine. I think it's in-built misogyny to think it's got issues as a title - it's because people think a Ms is a feminist - how dreadful! It does the job! You could say Mrs sounds like you are someone's chattels and Miss like the spinster schoolteacher. It's just prejudice. Use the title designed to do the Me job on the rare occasion you need it.

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 07/03/2023 08:48

Firefly2023 · 07/03/2023 08:29

I now use Dr for things like this. I am not a medical doctor, so shouldn't in theory, but started with Amazon buying academic books and now as the question annoys me, for other shops etc where it is completely irrelevant, I use my academic title. I agree that Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms and Mx are pointless when everyone is known by first names and should be done away with completely.

What do you mean "I am not a medical Dr, so shouldn't in theory"? If it's your title of course you can use it! You earned it.

"Dr" for medics is actually a courtesy title as they have not done as much academic study as an academic with a PhD. Not saying they should not use it, but it is in no way any more valid that Dr for academic doctors.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 07/03/2023 08:49

Thinking about it, I'd happily be a Ms rather than a Mrs. I'll adopt that.

99victoria · 07/03/2023 08:49

I am constantly surprised how in 2020s I'm still asked 'Is that Miss or Mrs?' when I give my details. I now just say 'neither' and offer no further information.
I'm married for the second time but didn't take my husband's surname so I go by Ms

IWantToBeACat · 07/03/2023 08:51

NotAnotherBathBomb · 07/03/2023 08:45

Haven't read all the comments, has anyone come in saying they love being a Mrs yet? 😂

Yes... Why the hilarity?

Arou · 07/03/2023 08:53

Completely agree.

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 07/03/2023 08:53

It's interesting that forms which ask for gender always have a "prefer not to say" option, but "title" is often mandatory and then forces you to choose one which declares your sex...

NotAnotherBathBomb · 07/03/2023 08:53

IWantToBeACat · 07/03/2023 08:51

Yes... Why the hilarity?

Show quote history

Because I find being pleased to be known to everyone as a wife funny 💁🏽‍♀️

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 07/03/2023 08:54

@IWantToBeACat it's just a stock cliché on these threads. Usually someone says it within 5 posts.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread