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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think its time to get rid of personal titles ie. Miss, Mrs, Ms?

1000 replies

jumpingbean1810 · 07/03/2023 06:22

I was ordering something in a shop the other day and the assistant, in her 20s, was putting my details into their system. She said, I hate asking this, I find it so embarrassing but are you Miss, Ms or Mrs? I replied I'm Miss. I was there with my daughter so in that one exchange I'd divulged I was a single, unmarried parent. It's not information the shop needs for me to order a lamp. And if I was a man, they'd be Mr and none the wiser as to marital status. I know I could say Ms but does any married woman really use Ms? So Ms just ends up sounding like a Miss with issues. It got me thinking why do we need personal titles, how often are they really used anyway? Can they not just be scrapped from form filling? With the increasing desire by the younger generation to not even be defined by gender, identifying women by their marital status feels so outdated. It's international women's day tomorrow and in the spirit of embracing equity, isn't it time we abolished women being defined by marital status?

OP posts:
Pupppp · 07/03/2023 08:06

I'm married and didn't change my name so Ms is the only one that makes sense for me.

But really Ms should be the only option for women, as Mr is for men.

BarbaraofSeville · 07/03/2023 08:07

davegrohll · 07/03/2023 08:03

Miss doesn't mean you're single though does it ? You could have a partner and still be a miss

You could be married and 'still be a Miss'

These titles do not mean anything at all.

Astrabees · 07/03/2023 08:07

I kept my original name when I married and call myself “Miss”. I have a feeling of slight smugness that my name gives no clues about my real life.

Catspyjamas17 · 07/03/2023 08:07

I agree, it should be Ms or Mr as it is in France now (Mr. and Mme.)

MRex · 07/03/2023 08:07

I stayed a Miss, because I couldn't see the point of all that bother changing my name including professional qualifications etc. I also dislike the sound of Ms. I'd be happy for them all to be got rid of, but I don't want to be forced into a Ms label.

MouldWatch · 07/03/2023 08:08

I am a Miss with a child and it doesn't bother me.

Shimmyshimmycocobop · 07/03/2023 08:10

I use Ms since my divorce as Miss makes me sound like I'm a child, or a teacher, and I reverted back to my maiden name so am not Mrs either.
I agree with you except for Ms "having issues", if everyone used it then there would be no issues.

getalifesonny · 07/03/2023 08:12

I'm married and mostly use Ms and sometimes Mrs. I haven't taken my husband's name so it can be very confusing when they call me Mrs (husband's surname) and bear in mind, his surname is his father's name. So it would be the same for me and MIL. I hate that. I prefer being called by my own surname.

stickygotstuck · 07/03/2023 08:14

Couldn't agree more - Ms for everyone. Nobody needs to know someone else's marital status.

Refreshing to see that so many people agree here. I asked this before over 10 years ago and most people disagreed. In fact I almost had my head bitten off for saying that changing your name upon marriage is sexist. A tradition yes, but an extremely sexist one.

daisypond · 07/03/2023 08:14

MRex · 07/03/2023 08:07

I stayed a Miss, because I couldn't see the point of all that bother changing my name including professional qualifications etc. I also dislike the sound of Ms. I'd be happy for them all to be got rid of, but I don't want to be forced into a Ms label.

But how did you “stay” a Miss? You must have chosen to be a Miss at some point. Or did your parents choose for you?

lightlypoached · 07/03/2023 08:16

I've been a Ms for 50 years, and the only 'issue' I have is with people knowing my marital status, which is none of their business- and in the ridiculous reactions that some extremely old-fashioned people whi have a problem with it.

I mean the title has been around since 1976 (?) equalities act. Shouldn't you have got used to it by now OP ?

Beachhutnut · 07/03/2023 08:16

I agree Miss and Mrs. I can't stand Ms. I don't mind titles at all.

Hartlebury · 07/03/2023 08:16

I'm Ms 🤷🏼‍♀️

IWantToBeACat · 07/03/2023 08:17

I can honestly say I don't pay any attention to what title people give themselves, because as can be seen by this thread, people of all marital statuses call themselves all different things so it's utterly irrelevant.

I am a Mrs, I like being a Mrs, I like having my husband's surname and I'm one of the seemingly vanishingly rare that actually like it when Christmas cards arrive addressed to Mrs and Mrs Husband's-Name. I don't care if it's ridiculous and old-fashioned because I personally think it's sweet and lovely and gives me a warm feeling of belonging. However, I think if you spoke to my husband, he would say I was one of the biggest feminists going in pretty much every other way... Each to their own, eh?

SnowAndFrostOutside · 07/03/2023 08:19

I’m Dr or Ms. Back in NZ I am just my first name. I am foreign and I don’t find these marital titles respectful or formal. It’s degrading to address women by marital status.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 07/03/2023 08:19

Why the fuck should a Ms have issues?

RosesAndHellebores · 07/03/2023 08:21

For as long as some people have titles and expect me.to use them I shall be retaining mine. I don't mind which but if anyone on God's earth introduces themselves as:

Dr, Mr, Reverend, Lord, Sir, Dame, Captain, Brigadier, Wing Commander, His or Her Honour, Lady, Countess, etc.,

They may address me with the courtesy of my title.

Username24680 · 07/03/2023 08:22

I’ll admit I haven’t read the full thread so not sure if it’s been raised - but from a retailers point of view, I have to phone multiple customers everyday to let them know that their ordered items have arrived in store. Most people don’t fill in the Mr/Mrs etc section of the order form and only put a first initial for first name 🤣 It’s actually quite awkward phoning an S.Smith, M.Henry, A.Jones etc and knowing how to address them 🙈 Natural to me would be to say “Hello, Mr/Mrs Jones?” but you can’t with nothing to go on lol

Mustreadabook · 07/03/2023 08:22

Fucket · 07/03/2023 06:34

I use the Mrs prefix. I changed my name when I married so I would have the same family name as my children. Miss Fucket is the names of my DDs and if I am being formally addressed then Mrs Fucket would be me.

I do think their ought to be a more distinguishable prefix for single men and boys though as we have 3 Mr Fuckets and you couldn’t tell them apart.

I would use Master for a boy. Usually only used to address birthday cards though.

MRex · 07/03/2023 08:23

daisypond · 07/03/2023 08:14

But how did you “stay” a Miss? You must have chosen to be a Miss at some point. Or did your parents choose for you?

Show quote history

What a weird question. Paperwork since childhood for passport, bank etc asked for a title and I was taught to put Miss, then never changed it to anything else. I don't think I knew anyone at school who was Ms, where did you grow up that that was common practice?

Catspyjamas17 · 07/03/2023 08:24

When I sign into LNER train wifi I choose Lady as my title. 😉

maddening · 07/03/2023 08:25

I am married but did not change my surname.so I use Ms.

Yanbu imo as i resent the idea of ownership by a man, but some people like the tradition so I guess it will remain as it is ingrained in our culture

Conkersinautumn · 07/03/2023 08:26

I got into HUGE trouble at work when I sent a letter to a woman as Ms X rather than Mrs X, my boss basically said it was an insult and I had to apologise for 'casting aspersions' (i pointed out we didnt collect that info, we just had first name surname and we werent supposed to use first name and surely its more rude to jump to conclusions to me Ms means you recognise they are an adult, their marital status isnt my business etc). I've used Ms ever since and that boss always refused to use it. She was a good 30 years older than me and seemed to think this was still a necessary 'standard' back in 2006 ish.

cocksstrideintheevening · 07/03/2023 08:27

I'm married, did change my surname but will only use Ms. Why does anyone need to know my marital status ffs.

JassyRadlett · 07/03/2023 08:29

louise5754 · 07/03/2023 07:03

I always thought Ms was for divorced women or for private people who don't want to be known as single or married. What does it stand for?

It stands for the same as both Miss and Mrs. All three are a contraction of the same word.

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