To think its time to get rid of personal titles ie. Miss, Mrs, Ms?

[jumpingbean1810]

I was ordering something in a shop the other day and the assistant, in her 20s, was putting my details into their system. She said, I hate asking this, I find it so embarrassing but are you Miss, Ms or Mrs? I replied I'm Miss. I was there with my daughter so in that one exchange I'd divulged I was a single, unmarried parent. It's not information the shop needs for me to order a lamp. And if I was a man, they'd be Mr and none the wiser as to marital status. I know I could say Ms but does any married woman really use Ms? So Ms just ends up sounding like a Miss with issues. It got me thinking why do we need personal titles, how often are they really used anyway? Can they not just be scrapped from form filling? With the increasing desire by the younger generation to not even be defined by gender, identifying women by their marital status feels so outdated. It's international women's day tomorrow and in the spirit of embracing equity, isn't it time we abolished women being defined by marital status?

Same, where I have to address her with a title at all.

I’ve been a Ms since birth and so has DD. Neither of us has issues! I wouldn’t want to see titles scrapped: I LIKE using Ms!

I am going to add a 'sign of the times story' here.
I have a mixed heritage marriage. This was unusual in my county town in 1988. Friends advised me to always use my Mrs title as otherwise I was a 'baby mother' an offensive American term for unmarried white women in mixed relationships. I still get it sometimes with estate agents. They take one look at my DH and stutter 'is this your hum, husband?' - we don't wear rings.
I could actually use the title Hon but that opens up another can of worms. I'll stick with Ms as I am becoming more millitant.

I'm proud to be a Mrs and don't want to lose my title, each to their own.

Pride is a weird thing to feel here.

I was once asked by a female boss, who just couldn’t get her head around me being married and using Ms or having the surname I was given at birth, why I wasn’t proud of being married.

I asked her if her husband was proud of being married to her. She said she thought he was. I said it was a shame then that he didn’t show it so openly by changing his name to hers and amending his title.

Being legally connected to another person and/or giving up part of your identity by taking someone else’s name is a weird thing to be proud of, I think.

If I’m ever forced to use a title it’s Miss or Ms. Never, ever Mrs. Will have been married 20 years next year.

I use Ms. I’m married but kept my maiden name.

The need for titles really irks me too - especially online shopping if you can’t check out without them. I saw one drop down menu gave me the choice of “admiral” recently - I was sooo tempted!

I am married and use Ms

The answer is for 'Ms' to become the only option for women, like 'Mr' for men. For this to happen, more women like you need to adopt it and decide to use it.

Yes - it lies in the hands of the public. If enough women reject Mrs/Miss, they will naturally fall out of use.

As a side note, I have always just asked 'What is your title?' - the person might use a professional or social title

@ ClusterFunk “I am however doing a PhD, and once I get it I’ll be Dr. Own what you’ve earned.”

Well done (no, I mean it - it’s a huge accomplishment to complete a PhD.) You’ll be one of those passengers we’ll shake awake in the middle of the night when we call our medical advisors on the satellite phone and they tell us the sick patient needs a medical professional to use the lifesaving equipment we carry on board. [BITB thinks back to last week when all hell broke loose at 3am over some bit of endless jungle with nowhere safe to go and the people we woke up were 2 very pissed of doctors of sodding chemistry. They weren’t able to insert a catheter.)

As long as you’re cool with that. It’s an impressive achievement, but I do wish it was possible to tell the difference between a doctor who treats patients in a medical capacity and those who spent 3 years extra at uni. It genuinely does make a big difference in circumstances like the one above.

I’m a Mrs, btw. I did not change my name on getting married so technically am a Ms. On forms I tick Mr as it irritates me that women are sorted into married, single or awkward so go for the only title which does not give away any information at all as to what my status might be, ie the male approach. I realise this causes confusion, but bizarrely it does not cause nearly as much confusion as trying to explain that yes I am married and yes I am called Mrs BITB but no, Mr BITB is called something else (I didn’t make him change his name when we married!) At work I have a unisex professional title that is not one in use outside of aviation.

@Lightningrain I do find it odd that women that are so passionate about this actually get married. I would have thought that the institution of marriage would also seem outdated and unnecessary. I know someone that got married but was adamant she wasn’t talking her husband’s name (I don’t know what title she uses). She told me that she didn’t really agree with marriage but just wanted the party/dress/ring.

I can’t really wrap my head around your thoughts here. Are you suggesting most women who don’t use Mrs or who don’t take their husband’s name don’t value marriage and only want a party, ring and dress?

I chose to get married because I love my husband, wanted to make a social declaration of such as is tradition throughout history and also the legal document as protection for our future life and children together.
Not taking his name doesn’t invalidate that.
Men don’t have to change their title upon marriage, does that mean they don’t value marriage either?
Most people accept marriage does not mean a woman ‘belongs’ to the man which is why taking a name can be seen as outdated but it hardly means you have an issue with the very concept of a union.

I don't like the sound of ms so don't use it. I'd prefer a French / German system where children are master and miss and adults are mr and mrs unless entitled to another one such as Dr or Rev.

I agree OP, I absolutely hate titles. Have done for years and would happily campaign against their use. If I'm filling in an online form for something, or an online order, loads of sites expect me to pick a title from a drop-down box and if I give it a miss the form won't load, the title is a "mandatory field".

I have lived in a couple of Scandinavian countries where the title issue doesn't exist, they just don't use them. Why can't the UK be the same? Idiotic......and so old-fashioned!

Ms is absolutely fine, I've used it since I was about 12, married and single. I actually go by my maiden name at work and my married surname for certain things outside and I use "Ms" with both.

There was a magazine in the eighties for teen girls called "Mizz". The only "issues" are in your head OP!

I’m a Mrs, btw. I did not change my name on getting married so technically am a Ms.

What do you mean by technically? All these titles have no legal meaning. You’re no more technically Ms than Mrs or Miss.

I've always benn a 'Miss' whether married, divorced, single or partnered.

It doesn't divulge my marital status. It just allows others to make a stab in the dark. Sometimes they're right, other times they're wrong 🤷

Nope, I have always said "Mizz" and been understood.

As I said, there used to be a British magazine called Mizz.

Why do you think the girl in the shop cares if you are a single mother? She might be a single mother herself. It's not the 1950s anymore!!

I do find it odd that women that are so passionate about this actually get married. I would have thought that the institution of marriage would also seem outdated and unnecessary. I know someone that got married but was adamant she wasn’t talking her husband’s name (I don’t know what title she uses). She told me that she didn’t really agree with marriage but just wanted the party/dress/ring.

Would have done a civil partnership but it wasn’t available to straight couples back then. We married for the legal protection, not romance or sexist tradition.

I was never going to change my name. I didn’t decide to buy an outfit until 2 weeks before the day. Honestly couldn’t have given less of a toss about the ceremony or party. We don’t wear rings. DD has my name and DH’s as a middle name.

I use the Dr specifically in response to twats who've got an issue with Ms.

Oh yes please. It's just not needed at all.

Im married and I use Ms. Also kept my own surname!

Miss doesn't indicate that you're single. A few years ago I was Miss. definitely not single.

Also my mum used Ms and she's been married 46 years

I use Ms. Divorced, kept married name.

Miss doesn't mean you're single though does it ? You could have a partner and still be a miss

I love this policy, it's great. Which bank is this please?

Am I right in thinking this is an English speaking problem. With Italian, French, German languages eg it's Sig. Mme. and Frau respectively.
I agree seems very old fashioned to have to show if we 'belong' to a master or not, when men obviously don't.

There was a time when my driving licence was in Miss, because I applied for it when I was 16 and didn't know any better, my insurance said Ms, because I bought that myself and my car was registered to Mrs, because it was registered by the dealership, who must have assumed that was my title.

<awaits the ill informed telling me that would have meant my insurance was invalid>