To think its time to get rid of personal titles ie. Miss, Mrs, Ms?

[jumpingbean1810]

I was ordering something in a shop the other day and the assistant, in her 20s, was putting my details into their system. She said, I hate asking this, I find it so embarrassing but are you Miss, Ms or Mrs? I replied I'm Miss. I was there with my daughter so in that one exchange I'd divulged I was a single, unmarried parent. It's not information the shop needs for me to order a lamp. And if I was a man, they'd be Mr and none the wiser as to marital status. I know I could say Ms but does any married woman really use Ms? So Ms just ends up sounding like a Miss with issues. It got me thinking why do we need personal titles, how often are they really used anyway? Can they not just be scrapped from form filling? With the increasing desire by the younger generation to not even be defined by gender, identifying women by their marital status feels so outdated. It's international women's day tomorrow and in the spirit of embracing equity, isn't it time we abolished women being defined by marital status?

Why were you disclosing you were single?

I was a miss with children before I married DH but certainly wasn't single

I don't mind being single but I hate that I am still a 'Miss' at almost 40.

Why does it matter to anyone else?

Is a good question. Why does a woman's marital status matter to the point we have developed honorifics for women that specifically let everyone know their marital status?

I find it weird that anyone would think you have issues if you use Ms as a married woman. I'm a married woman and would always choose Ms over Miss or Mrs. I have a professional title too, but on the occasions where boxes on websites don't accommodate professional titles, I'd always go for Ms.

But my point was no one I know in real life is actually bothered by it. But on here it's a huge thing!

Everyone makes assumptions about others all the time. Do you find thisdisturbing?

Yet with alternatives for those who don't want to do that. Which is good. Isn't it.

People often aren’t bothered about lots of things - it takes people making a stand to make change. No doubt many people weren’t bothered about women having the vote, or wearing trousers, or being allowed to work after getting married as well. They thought that was fine and normal too.

I find it funny when people say they took their husband's last name because they wanted to have the same name as their kids.

You can take any name you want imo but that's not really an "excuse" is it, because why do your kids have to take your husband's name and not yours or everyone changes to a different name? Why can't the man be the one to change his name to take the same name as the kids?

I think it's still buying into the "Wives and children belong to men" idea but I know to some people, it's simply following tradition and they don't think about it too deeply.

Be Ms then.

Yes, but the existence of the choice is the issue, does that make sense?

I took my husband's surname because I preferred it to my unmarried name - simple as that.

If they were bothered they would have kept their own name. No one forced them to change names and call themselves Mrs. It's hardly the same as the vote

I am married and go by Ms maiden name.
Except to one financial services company who address me as Governor-General. It’s gone on too long now for me to correct them.

If people think I have issues so be it.

Men can though? And sometimes do. And sometimes people make a new name out of a combination of both their names. People know these options are available. If they want to take them.

@PenanceAdair

they don't think about it too deeply.

Bingo

I put Ms on all paperwork for my DD. she's at primary school. After all. DS gets Mr and he's still a child. Let girls grow up with the same single prefix they'll use as an adult, just as boys do.
I also use Ms. but I'm not going to tell you my marital status, because that's kind of the point!

It does make sense. But I don't agree with you. I think if the majority wanted the same, then Mrs would be close to dying out by now. Quite clearly they don't. And I support the right to choose.

There is no justification for a woman’s marital status being clear(ish) from their title but not men’s. However in that particular interaction Op, you didn’t need to reveal that you were a single unmarried mum if you didn’t want to. The option of Ms was right there for you. So I don’t really understand the issue, I think Ms is the solution for the historical disparity which came from another age.

I'm another married, maiden-named Ms. But then, I probably do have issues.

I’m Rabbi Bussteward at one Indian restaurant that didn’t offer a Ms option when booking online.

I'm Reverend in similar circumstances.

YANBU. There's no need at all for any kind of personal titles, including Dr when not in a professional capacity.

As part of our GDPR (Data Protection) review a few years ago, part of that is justifying why we need to store/process every single bit of personal information, and we really couldn't come up with any reason at all to keep titles on any of our databases. It brought it home to us just how pointless they are! We had separate fields for male/female, which by the way, we also deleted as we don't "need" to know a client's gender for our services either.

Our correspondence etc now goes out as {first name}{second name}, and we've since noticed that more and more larger firms, governmental bodies, etc are doing the same as presumably they've also done a GDPR review and discovered likewise that they just don't need to know!

Do you think it might be possible that people are reluctant to use Ms because of the negative associations it has for some people of denoting a woman who might be divorced, or for instance, a spinster?

This 100%

I am married and use Ms. maiden surname.

It has taken approximately 10 years for my family to come round to the idea and now use my correct title and name for post etc. My in laws still don't, they were kindly sending me a cheque for my birthday for years which I couldn't pay in.

Some of my friends still, refer to me as Mrs husbands surname, after a few polite requests, explaining my name and title are unchanged, I have given up.

My husband does occasionally get Mr my maiden name though which makes me laugh because that's my day.

If we all choose Ms as a title it would be so much better.