To not understand renewing wedding vows

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I got an excited text from my mum this morning with a photo of a sparkly ring and announcing that she is getting remarried. She's going to Gretna Green.

I live out of country so am often missed out of news but if my parents had divorced, I'd hopefully have been told about it before now so I'm assuming she means they are renewing their vows. 😆

I congratulated her, made a fuss etc but I don't understand. What does it actually mean? Is it just an excuse for a pretty dress and a party about you? Do people treat it like a wedding?

I keep asking my DH when we can renew.....I saw and tried on so many beautiful wedding dresses, it sucked to only have been able to pick one, lol.

I don't think it necessarily means someone cheated. I think maybe someone felt they were short changed on their wedding. Maybe funds were tight, maybe they just didn't get to have the big beautiful day they always wanted, maybe something went horribly wrong on their wedding day - huge thunderstorm and it was an outdoor wedding. Maybe they want an excuse to have a great big party. Maybe it's to add some excitement back in after an empty nest situation.

I don't know but overall it's a nice thing. You're lucky to have parents who love each other and can still do something spontaneous together - focus on that.

Why do people renew their wedding vows?

Because they fucking want to.

They're a bit naff really but if I was invited to one that looked like it would be a good time (and would have plentiful drinks and canapés) I would be there. I like a good party. I would be especially good if the friend inviting me was a B List celeb having it sponsored by OK magazine and guests got an all expenses paid trip to somewhere glam.

I love Pete and Dawn's vow renewal ceremony in Gavin and Stacey.

This again. My DH and I eloped. So on our 10th anniversary we had a special lunch with our loved ones who were not there at our original wedding. We both stood up and made new vows based on 10 years of marriage experience, and I expressed my gratitude to DH for his unwavering love and support while I battled cancer. My niece read a poem. Eyes moistened and everyone enjoyed a beautiful meal and lots of champagne toasts.

If it’s not for you, it’s not for you.

I fully intend to renew mine for either our 5 or 10 year anniversary.

my reasons are mainly that it will just be the two of us and our dc on a holiday somewhere, as quite honestly I only had a small wedding anyway but the family who were there cast a shadow over it.

plus, I got married at the end of covid and had out on a fair bit of weight during lockdown, looking at my wedding pictures now makes me a little sad as i didn’t look and feel how I really wanted to.

lastly, I love the bones of my DH and would marry him every day if I could :)

I want to do this, but only with DH and our DD.

When we got married, I was probably focused on the wedding, not the marriage to be honest and we wrote our own vows and they were shit. We chose somewhere near family, and it didn't have meaning for us. We have had a long marriage and got through a lot (various losses and bereavements, DD has additional needs) and I would just like vows and something which reflects our relationship and love. Quiet, steady, non-flashy.

Some people just want an ‘event‘ to look forward to. I think anniversary parties make more sense but each to their own, it doesn’t really matter.

Renewal of vows does often seem to happen after cheating which I think is why so many are a bit skeptical about people that do it. And some people are just attention seekers, which may be the case here as you’ve said she’s the type to post cryptic Facebook messages. 😬

😂

"I don't understand" is pretty scornful in itself. Questioning their (or her) motives is pretty mean.

I am extremely sorry for thinking that you might be married, I had no idea you would be so offended at the idea. But it does also reiterate my point: It's fine that you don't understand why someone else wants to do something. The fact that you are questioning why they want (she wants) to, gives the impression that you think they are (she is) wrong.

It’s not for me but I think, if a couple have been married a long time and been through the mill, maybe serious illness, coping with elderly relatives, problems with children, redundancy, bankruptcy, coming through addiction…. All these sort of awful things that can really test a marriage, I kinda get that if they weathered the storms together and it finally felt safe to breathe out, I get that they might renew their vows as a little celebration that their love made it through some really tough times. I mean, there are those who just want a new dress, party and a ‘princess for a day’ feeing and that’s ok too!

In the old days couples who were in crisis would build a conservatory instead.😂

I sometimes fancy it. Our wedding vows were quite weird - very official, nothing romantic. It would be quite nice to do a more romatic version. I also quite like the sentiment, a ceremony to renew your commitment to each other, celebrate your relationship and everything you've built.

I probably won't though as I also find it a little cheesy!

I don’t understand couples who renew their vows. I thought the definition of a vow was an unbreakable promise. Which negates the need to say it again
I just thought it was like a refresher. Just re enforcing what they already do.
The people I know who have done it have had various reasons.
One person had been extreme sick and the couple renewed as a way ( for them) to be optimistic about the future.
Another couple had a tiny wedding decades previous and couldn't afford to invite the extended family so re did the vows with everyone there. It was a fun thing for them ....and why not if that's what you want to do!
To be honest, I think it's nice to have celebration a look forward to, especially if people have had a hard time whether it's on their marriage or otherwise.

Mumsnet has a very low opinion of vow renewals. I think they're a nice idea. It's easy to say that vows are forever but the truth is lots of people break them and making a marriage work over many years is worth celebrating imo.

One I went to was a couple who eloped first time around because of major family disapproval. To hear them say their vows 20-odd years on, clearly still in love, having made it when no one thought they would, I found very moving.

I have been married for over 30 years, but I wouldn't even dream of having an anniversary party either - it just smacks of total smugness, and also possibly tempts fate! Anniversaries are for the couple, and nobody else, so any celebrations should stay private.
But each to their own, I guess...

I never really get this, if I’m honest. The vows themselves are lifelong, that’s the very nature of them, so they never need renewing. An anniversary party, however fancy you want to go, is a lovely idea, a renewal, for me, not so.

My mum and stepdad had their vows renewed after he cheated on her. I've not known anyone else who has done it.

My parents did but it was 100% driven by my mum. Even though it was just the two of them, my dad hates having any attention focused on him and was having panic attacks and literally vomiting with anxiety. However, my narc mother showed zero sympathy and just complained bitterly that he was ruining everything and she wouldn't get the ceremony she wanted.

It went ahead (because of course it did 😒) but I know she only wanted to do it so she could brag to people that she renewed her vows on a beach in an expensive, far-flung destination.

It's a bit of a trend currently, all these American wedding dress programmes started it as quite a few are for vow renewals. I must admit I would be suspicious that it's covering an incident myself.

I also assume one person has cheated and/or the couple had a tiny ceremony back in the day and can now afford a giant party.

I'm not that enamoured with the idea of a vow renewal, but some of my friends have had anniversary parties after 10 or 20 years after the original wedding. Not a renewal, just an excuse for a piss up, and to see friends who live very far away and would only travel for a wedding type event. Now, that I think is a much classier alternative.

I don't think it necessarily means someone cheated. I think maybe someone felt they were short changed on their wedding.

This or as other PP said have gone though hard times.

I do have family that piss on our chips at all big events so while vow renewal is not for me I can sort of see the appeal.

I do wish we'd not been talked out of honeymoon - we had a long weekend in Castleton which was not the same or as good.

we had a long weekend in Castleton which was not the same or as good

missed out it was also 14 months past our wedding as well - not just location or small amount of time.

Never understand it either.
Did it right the first time.

We're renewing our wedding vows in our tenth wedding anniversary year. Our first was done under a grand planned and rushed in 6 weeks because we just wanted to share names and be a family! We both look like shit baby was tiny and we were sleep deprived and we want to celebrate our love again with our friends and family and I selfishly wanna wear a wedding dress as didn't first time round 🥳