Page 6 | To not understand renewing wedding vows

Namechange1011111stairs · 2023-03-06T11:10:06+00:00

I got an excited text from my mum this morning with a photo of a sparkly ring and announcing that she is getting remarried. She's going to Gretna Green. I live out of country so am often missed out of news but if my parents had divorced, I'd hopefully have been told about it before now so I'm assuming she means they are renewing their vows. 😆 I congratulated her, made a fuss etc but I don't understand. What does it actually mean? Is it just an excuse for a pretty dress and a party about you? Do people treat it like a wedding?

ReneBumsWombats · 07/03/2023 10:50

I'm obviously in a minority but its never even crossed my mind that couples renewing vows might have had difficulties, or there was cheating.

If you don't have a worldview that is immediately inclined to think the worst of people's relationships, why would you?

GloomyDarkness · 07/03/2023 11:10

Mostly, people do it at milestone anniversaries.

When I was still a child both DGP hit milestone anniversaries - family from both, hugely scattered across UK and globe, made huge effort to come - lots of food - gifts and lots of family I've never seen before or since.

When my DP hit a similar milestone they didn't want anything - my IL went away for the week.

DH says his family is a hatch matched and dispatched one and I think parents generation or one before may have been - increasingly that's not true of his or mine. Christening don't happen so it's hit and miss if you meet new kids and I have a sibling in UK who still hasn't met my youngest at 14 - weddings tend to be smaller or not involved wider family invites and even funerals aren't travelled to as they once were.

So perhaps that why renewals are getting popular an extra reason to gather.

Original poster

Namechange1011111stairs · 07/03/2023 20:36

GloomyDarkness · 07/03/2023 11:10

Mostly, people do it at milestone anniversaries.

When I was still a child both DGP hit milestone anniversaries - family from both, hugely scattered across UK and globe, made huge effort to come - lots of food - gifts and lots of family I've never seen before or since.

When my DP hit a similar milestone they didn't want anything - my IL went away for the week.

DH says his family is a hatch matched and dispatched one and I think parents generation or one before may have been - increasingly that's not true of his or mine. Christening don't happen so it's hit and miss if you meet new kids and I have a sibling in UK who still hasn't met my youngest at 14 - weddings tend to be smaller or not involved wider family invites and even funerals aren't travelled to as they once were.

So perhaps that why renewals are getting popular an extra reason to gather.

That's an interesting point re distanced families. At my wedding 17yrs ago, I only had 8 of my family. None of my Dad's family. My brother got married a few years ago and had 6. Both were small weddings anyway but still.

I've only seen my sister once in 5yrs and that was at a funeral. Some of my family have never met my teenage children.

I couldn't imagine people putting in much effort in my family really. I hope my parents aren't disappointed if they are planning something big. 😔 Obviously I'll make a fuss/attend if they do something.

OP posts:

SoonToBeQueenCamilla · 08/03/2023 11:41

ReneBumsWombats · 07/03/2023 10:50

I'm obviously in a minority but its never even crossed my mind that couples renewing vows might have had difficulties, or there was cheating.

If you don't have a worldview that is immediately inclined to think the worst of people's relationships, why would you?

It’s not to do with thinking the worst , it’s to do with a different understanding of marriage.

it’s a legal contract, it doesn't need updated. I don’t renew my job contract or the deeds on my house, if nothing has changed.

If I get a new job then I’ll get a new contract with new title, salary, T and C etc.

Renewing vows seems the opposite of celebrating an anniversary to me. On one hand you are saying that you’ve been married for eg 25 years. Yet at the same time you are saying that you are throwing out that old marriage and starting a new one by saying a whole new set of vows. Like the old ones don’t count anymore.

Just my opinion.

angielizzy1 · 09/03/2023 22:07

The only vow renewal one been to is due to a death on their anniversary date. It have them the opportunity to move the date.

IfYouDontAsk · 09/03/2023 22:09

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 06/03/2023 11:13

They’ve had marriage troubles but have come through.

Newer trend.

In the old days couples who were in crisis would build a conservatory instead.

This cracked me up 😂 and the conservatory observation is so true!

User1990C · 17/03/2023 16:56

If your view of marriage is a contract, why bother getting married? Just draw up a will and be done with it.

smellyflowers · 17/03/2023 16:59

It's easy to understand someone has cheated, recieved bad health news/over come bad health news, or is bored

ReneBumsWombats · 17/03/2023 18:07

User1990C · 17/03/2023 16:56

If your view of marriage is a contract, why bother getting married? Just draw up a will and be done with it.

A will doesn't give the same protections and can be changed without your knowledge. Marriage covers much more than a will does.

BigFatLiar · 17/03/2023 18:19

No idea. Perhaps some people want to recapture a special time. Just because it's something you really do once (or once with that partner) doesn't mean you can't do it again if you want. Many years ago my husband told me he loved me, I know he does but it's still nice to hear him say it regularly. If they want to go over their vows why not.

ReneBumsWombats · 17/03/2023 18:57

SoonToBeQueenCamilla · 08/03/2023 11:41

It’s not to do with thinking the worst , it’s to do with a different understanding of marriage.

it’s a legal contract, it doesn't need updated. I don’t renew my job contract or the deeds on my house, if nothing has changed.

If I get a new job then I’ll get a new contract with new title, salary, T and C etc.

Renewing vows seems the opposite of celebrating an anniversary to me. On one hand you are saying that you’ve been married for eg 25 years. Yet at the same time you are saying that you are throwing out that old marriage and starting a new one by saying a whole new set of vows. Like the old ones don’t count anymore.

Just my opinion.

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It's not an update and it's not because the contract has expired. It's a refresher, a reminder, a reaffirmation. It's the exact opposite of throwing off the old marriage - you can't renew something if it doesn't already exist!

Fine not to do it, but as with others, your objection is based on something mean-spirited and not even correct; you can't renew something unless it's already established. It's just a pretzel logic way of trying to say that people who choose to do it couldn't possibly have any positive reason for it, because for whatever reason, that's what you want to believe.

SoonToBeQueenCamilla · 17/03/2023 23:46

ReneBumsWombats · 17/03/2023 18:57

It's not an update and it's not because the contract has expired. It's a refresher, a reminder, a reaffirmation. It's the exact opposite of throwing off the old marriage - you can't renew something if it doesn't already exist!

Fine not to do it, but as with others, your objection is based on something mean-spirited and not even correct; you can't renew something unless it's already established. It's just a pretzel logic way of trying to say that people who choose to do it couldn't possibly have any positive reason for it, because for whatever reason, that's what you want to believe.

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I have no objection whatsoever - you do you. Crack on and have as many renewals etc as you like for whatever reason you like.

As I said, it’s just my opinion. Which I’m entitled to just as much as you are.