Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have an MN bible (lighthearted)

80 replies

Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 13:30

MN dos and donts -

Log it with 101 but don't have a toilet brush

Shop in Farrow and Ball /Boden

Is against snobbery in general

Don't send your child to a school with a very overwhelmingly working class demographic

OP posts:
DevantMaJardin · 05/03/2023 13:33

Don't send your child to private school. Take up a state-funded place instead, no matter how much you earn.
Don't condone faith schools. It's clearly a DH problem.
Buy a chicken it'll last at least six weeks.
Never answer your door it might be your MIL.

Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 13:35

DevantMaJardin · 05/03/2023 13:33

Don't send your child to private school. Take up a state-funded place instead, no matter how much you earn.
Don't condone faith schools. It's clearly a DH problem.
Buy a chicken it'll last at least six weeks.
Never answer your door it might be your MIL.

🤣 so true

On that note I've totally ruined my diet just eaten a huge salad

OP posts:
DevantMaJardin · 05/03/2023 13:36

Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 13:35

🤣 so true

On that note I've totally ruined my diet just eaten a huge salad

Show quote history

Oh a massive salad will fill you up for months!

WomenShouldStillWinWomensSports · 05/03/2023 13:38

Never lend your neighbour the keys to your holiday home. especially if it's in Mexico

Vegansausagevole · 05/03/2023 13:44

Do’s and don’ts matched up

Do get married - to protect you financially
DON’T put up with any nonsense, LTB and get a divorce as soon as possible.

DO be on MN if you are not a parent- there are topics on MN that have nothing to do with being a parent.
DON’T be on MN if you are not a parent - nothing you have to say is valid.

DO be a DM
DON’T be a DMIL

Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 13:45

Also - Remainer?

OP posts:
808Kate1 · 05/03/2023 13:47

Do start your post with "I mean this kindly" or "I say this gently", before proceeding to be an absolutely vile cunt.

Do LTB. Whatever the circumstances, situation or however trivial, even if it's the OP's fault, always LTB.

DON't leave your kids with the grandparents especially the in-laws, they don't understand how to look after children.

Alternatively, DO leave your kids with the grandparents, even if they don't want to babysit or have them for a sleepover. They owe it to you and should be 100% focused on providing your childcare instead of enjoying retirement or focusing on their own jobs.

808Kate1 · 05/03/2023 13:51

Oh and DO consider euthanasia if your elderly parents/grandparents are very ill and hogging a hospital bed, or if they are living in their own house with one bedroom too many that a young family could actually use instead.

Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 14:21

Also there is absolutely NO way back from the ick..

Red Flag? The Chinese army walked straight past you

Is there any chance the subject of /main player in the OP is on the spectrum ?

OP posts:
CantStopWontStop0 · 05/03/2023 14:23

DO post a heavily skewed and biased account of an issue with your DH. Do be vague about your fault in the situation.

DO post LTB for even relatively trivial issues that most reasonable people wouldn't divorce over.

DO quote and bait someone into a debate who has expressed dissent or a post that goes against the consensus. Worry about advising OP later.

DON'T try to objective reasoning to any discourse.

Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 14:27

Be proud of you own/your parents' /grandparents' 'working class' roots ..

But my goodness - clutch your pearls tightly if your own DC displays anything remotely resembling 'chav' behaviour,

In the event that your DC mixes with working class children in school - draw the curtains, cross yourself and say 10 Hail Marys before deciding on your next course of action ..

If your DC ends up with a working class partner/spouse then .. just give up now

OP posts:
UWhatNow · 05/03/2023 14:34

If you are more than a size 8, earn less than a 6 figure salary, don’t send your kids to Oxbridge, don’t hate your MIL and think dogs don’t belong in cafes… then you’re excommunicated and will burn in hell.

Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 14:46

Teenager or pre-teen showing any indication of changed behaviour in relation to food - they're hurtling down a slippery slope towards an eating disorder

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 14:49

Anyone's teenager or young adult showing any (even understandable in the circumstances) signs of not wanting to socialise with peers - they're destined for a lifetime of irreversible loneliness/isolation and of course you should intervene

OP posts:
OneFrenchEgg · 05/03/2023 14:51

There used to be a MN spreadsheet. I remember seeing it once. User names and stuff.

Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 14:52

Do not use 'hun' or lol as both are instant working class signifiers don't you know??!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 14:55

Never answer the door if you're not expecting it but ALWAYS install a ring doorbell

OP posts:
Clarinet1 · 05/03/2023 14:56

Keep you ducks in a row!

Clarinet1 · 05/03/2023 14:56

Oops - your obvs!

Clarinet1 · 05/03/2023 14:57

When ever anything upsetting happens you must “Cry and shake”!

Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 14:58

Don't go on your friend's expensive hen weekend abroad!!! CFs!!!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 14:59

Babyshowers = tacky/grabby AF (with working class undertones)

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 15:00

Don't start your family before 31

OP posts:
808Kate1 · 05/03/2023 15:00

And if your friend/family/colleague is taking advantage of you and you feel a bit awkward about confronting them FFS GROW A SPINE YOU RIDICULOUS WOMAN

Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 15:04

You can only live in London/Home Counties - while remembering - NEVER even so much as consider working class schools ..

OP posts: