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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have an MN bible (lighthearted)

80 replies

Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 13:30

MN dos and donts -

Log it with 101 but don't have a toilet brush

Shop in Farrow and Ball /Boden

Is against snobbery in general

Don't send your child to a school with a very overwhelmingly working class demographic

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 16:48

Be 100% sure you are pregnant with ANY even vague/tenuous pregnancy symptom and yes you CAN definitely see a line !

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 16:51

SeatonCarew · 05/03/2023 16:47

Always advise the OP on the basis that everybody's circumstances/ living accommodation are exactly the same as your own. The cost of living thread ie fuel bills has been a particularly rich seam for this this winter. Ditto don't pay by DD through the year because"they are ripping you off", but moan like merry hell when the January bill arrives.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

On no account read the opening post, let alone the rest of the thread, before contributing your tuppence worth.

" OP : I have two DC and one DSC, aged 14, 12 and three. I am worried DSC does not eat nearly as much as her siblings. DH says it doesn't matter, and he only gives me £5 a fortnight housekeeping, so I am quite glad in a way. Also, my husband wants us to get a goat to keep the lawn trim and save on the gardener, but I am having a secret affair with the gardener and do not want to lose my only hobby. AIBU?"

"Poster 1 : How old are your children?

Poster 2: Are you married?

Poster 3: We need a diagram!

Poster 4: Buy a massive organic chicken every week.

Poster 5: OP should book a spa day for her and a friend.

Poster 6: Is your husband looking at porn?"

Ok I'm genuinely lolling here Grin

OP posts:
GreenWheat · 05/03/2023 16:52

Always pay your cleaner twice what she asks, plus sick pay, holiday pay and insurance in case of breakages.

Never take in a parcel for a neighbour without turning it into a drop round/collection stand off.

passthegingordon · 05/03/2023 16:53

Always be performatively 'sick to the back teeth' if someone struggling with energy bills has the gall to start "yet another thread on this we only had one yesterday".

stayathomer · 05/03/2023 16:56

Mn chicken

SeatonCarew · 05/03/2023 17:03

DH has just offered a packet of pate should last a family for a month if eaten correctly.

tuvamoodyson · 05/03/2023 17:04

If your friend has a large detached home, 3 long haul holidays a year, designer clothes etc, it’s because she’s probably up to her ears in debt, unhappily married, has piles….anything, ANYTHING that helps you not be happy for her, bitter all the way!

anexcellentwoman · 05/03/2023 17:09

Men are always automatically in the wrong. Women are always right except if they are MILs, SILS and step daughters. They are always wrong too.

Blossomtoes · 05/03/2023 17:11

This thread’s pure gold.

tuvamoodyson · 05/03/2023 17:25

‘I’m in a sexless marriage, my self esteem is on the floor! What should I do?’

‘checkout the 1,000,000 on the exact same subject’

tuvamoodyson · 05/03/2023 17:26

*threads.

Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 17:30

tuvamoodyson · 05/03/2023 17:25

‘I’m in a sexless marriage, my self esteem is on the floor! What should I do?’

‘checkout the 1,000,000 on the exact same subject’

Grin see also -

I'm a people pleaser by nature as a result of childhood experiences- how can I say no to/be more assertive towards my colleague/boss/friend/sister/partner/doctor/cleaner/teenage son/cousin/neighbour

Dilemma is real and in one way of other makes up almost half of all MN posts !

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 17:30

Or* another !

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 17:33

You need to stop pandering to your 40 year old depressed, angry, virgin brother who still lives at home and is draining your parents emotionally and financially and has never worked a day in his life!

Go NC!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 17:36

Your parent misplaces car keys?

Better get a Power of Attorney drafted pronto !

OP posts:
IncessantNameChanger · 05/03/2023 17:46

Get a shit hot lawyer and ducks in a row to ltb whilst also tacking a good hard look at yourself because it's you.

OP my dh has suddenly started working late and weekends and more into his appearance. I'm worried as I noticed he has a burner phone and condoms in his wallet but had a vasectomy five years ago. Post 3-6 in. You sound very controlling. I only talk to my dh once a full moon. You sound suffocating.

OP my 13 year old I'd 5,8 and weights 6 stone. Should be worried? 3-4 posts in. Yes, they sound obese. My 14 year old weights two stone.

OP I was mowing the front lawn when I went over my foot and took five toes off. Should I go to a&e? Answer. This neither an accident or emergency. Wait to see the hp in the morning. If you can type on MN your fine. Your the reason the nhs is failing. You. Alone. All you.

OP I'm sad sad, my 19 year cat has died. Reply - well what do you expect voting tory?

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 05/03/2023 18:03

I’m really worried. Ds is predicted to get 9s for all of his GCSEs. What does this mean? Are these poor grades?

Then, on Results Day:
Ds has eight 9s, and one 8. His life is ruined. I mean, we’re going to appeal, obvs, but he will never get into Oxbridge now.

Original poster
Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 18:49

My DH drinks 2 whole bottles of gin best before lunch - would you call this problematic drinking ?

OP posts:
passthegingordon · 05/03/2023 18:59

tuvamoodyson · 05/03/2023 16:12

Or ‘HTH’ I always imagine they give a little nod as they say that.

Show quote history

Haha yes, or flouncing off from the computer giving themself a high five (while taking a massive slug of wine)!

tuvamoodyson · 05/03/2023 19:27

Tillyesque · 05/03/2023 18:49

My DH drinks 2 whole bottles of gin best before lunch - would you call this problematic drinking ?

You forgot ‘Am I overreacting?’

Hawkins003 · 05/03/2023 19:33

Think of the utopia of a level playing field if everyone went to a state school, not realising even if the starting point is equal, then depending on the subjects some will do good, some better etc, then straight away it's no longer equal

Fladdermus · 05/03/2023 19:34

Have your entire household privately assessed for autism, including the dog, cat and goldfish because whatever your question them being autistic is probably the answer.

Get a penguin bollard.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 05/03/2023 19:47

Only chavvy families go to All Inclusive holidays like the ones in the on the beach advert. They aren't even slim.
Apart from Ikos. Everyone goes to Ikos.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 05/03/2023 19:55

Pandora bracelets are for children but it's ok for adults to have Loungefly or Dooney and Bourke Disney bags.

OneFrenchEgg · 05/03/2023 21:56

Op: my child seems to be really talented at languages, she's fluent in the two we use at home and has learned two more at school by year 7. What could I do to help?

Every other poster: I mean this kindly but it's quite average, my dc were already teaching the younger students by then and fluent in most of the romantic languages. But of course let her do it fun. Just don't expect much.