To have abandoned them

[Iyjd]

We live about 35 minutes drive from DSCs Mum and we usually have them every weekend for the full weekend, this weekend she had plans so asked if she could have them from 10am yesterday and she would pick them up, DP normally does all pick ups and drop offs.

I had an appointment 10 minutes from her house at 10:15 so offered to meet her at 10 somewhere local and then drive the extra 5 minutes to my appointment instead of her driving here and back. I was on time with her DDs (9&11). At 10:10 she hadn’t arrived and I was worried about my appointment, it was important to me and I had prepaid so didn’t want to lose my money, there is a costa next door so I drove and parked up and put DSCs in there with hot chocolate and went to my appointment, oldest DSC messaged her Mum telling her where to pick them up from as we drove down.

I came out of my appointment and they were still sat in Costa without their Mum so I sat with them until about 10:45 when she arrived, when she came in she said sorry to her DDs for being late because she “got chatting to her friend in Tesco” and seemed to smirk at me. When they went to hug me bye she told them they didn’t have time and she blanked me.

A couple of hours later she’s been ringing my DP constantly and screaming down the phone about me putting her children in danger and that she will be contacting the police, social services and my work (I’m a teacher) about how I am unsafe around children. There have been some horrific texts about me saying she will let everyone know that I’m a danger and how I neglect children. I cannot get pregnant and a few years ago DSC1 asked if I would have a baby and DP explained that I can’t (with my agreement) and she must have told her Mum, this is now plastered all over her Facebook saying it is gods way of protecting the child from my harm (my friend checked her Facebook and called me after I had mentioned the incident yesterday, I didn’t ask and didn’t really want to know and she’s agreed not to in future).

I’m just wondering if it was acceptable to leave them in Costa, people I know irl have said yes but I’m not sure if they are just backing me up out of kindness.

Being close by wouldn’t have helped would it? And she didn’t know where the mother was. There was no mention of dads permission or even that they sometimes wait in costa by themselves, that only came much later after people have questioned her choices when in charge of somebody else’s children. I tend to ignore drip feeds like that.

I really struggle to reconcile this scenario with two children of almost 10 and 11 sitting quietly in a coffee shop they are used to going to on their own. It's even more difficult to think of a scenario where they are more unsafe there than they would be standing in a corridor on their own. This is just nuts.

Read the update. Their own mother drops them off here to meet friends. The appointment was next door, the kids had a phone, and the mother was due any minute, not half an hour later. Blatant attempt to screw up the OPs plans and an unhinged reaction on realising she’d failed.

Crazy responses. Most 11 year olds are walking themselves home from school or meeting friends in McDonald's at weekends. They were fine. Slamming you on social media is not fine and is harassment.

Convenient update. It is funny how these fairly pertinent pieces of information arise later when OP not getting the answers she wants. How gullible are you!

Close by where? Where would the staff have gone looking in a medical emergency? Where did the father give permission to leave them alone by themselves in a coffee shop? I missed that bit...

The thing is, anything short of you missing your appointment would've put you in the wrong.

If you would've taken them with you she would've complained about messing her about, having to find you, worrying where they were etc.

That being said, was their father at home? Could they have stayed there and be picked up by the mother? If yes, then remember this next time. Don't do any more favours or try to make her life easier. In fact, the least contact the best. Don't offer any extra information about your life and plans, if the kids spill it is what it is but don't add to that .

So the DM of these DC was deliberately trying to make you miss your appointment by turning up late when you were doing her a favour? She's a prize cunt isn't she?

OP, you did nothing wrong, particularly as the 9-year-old is sensible and is allowed to go to that area of town with her 9-year-old friend unsupervised.

She's just furious and lashing out because her nasty little plan didn't work. The way she's behaved since by splashing your private medical history all over Facebook just underlines what a cunt she is.

OP didn't dump them. She left them, with a phone, in a coffee shop where their mother regularly leaves them. She was close by and went back after half and hour and sat with them again.

Thousands of parents look after children this age and let them go to school on public transport on their own. Are they "dumping" their children at the bus stop or station?

Nothing in the OP to suggest knowing what she was like before this event triggered the unhinged FB response.

I would love to hear the police or social work responses if she did contact them! She sounds like an arse who is spoiling for a fight, poor kids being stuck in the middle of that. Re the Facebook stuff, how horrible to have to hear that. You’ve done nothing wrong op, keep her at as much of a distance as possible xx

In a medical emergency they would have done what the always do with kids. Call an ambulance if needed and call the parents on the child's phone

And yes OP, NEVER do this woman a favour ever again! From now on, she wants her kids back at a different time? She can pick them up, when it suits YOU.

Their mum clearly thought she was getting one over on you making you miss your appointment. She's pissed off because her plan didn't work.

What you did was fine, I'm sure you know those kids a lot better than a load of random mumsnetters. You know whether they can be trusted to stay put and enter they'd be scared.

The stuff she's putting on social media is horrible, I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. 💐

It's all very well saying "never do a favour again and leave it up to their father" but it's clear (to me at least) from the OP's posts that she has a good relationship with her stepkids and doesn't want to do anything to damage that.

OP starts playing silly buggers and gets all stroppy refusing to do this and that, then that relationship is the one which will suffer and the kids are the losers, not the mother.

Convenient update. It is funny how these fairly pertinent pieces of information arise later when OP not getting the answers she wants. How gullible are you!

Why believe the original post, but not the updates? Why would someone add flat out lies to bolster their argument, when that would render the opinions given to them totally useless? If the update is a lie, it's far more likely that the whole thing was a lie rather than just that bit, in which case why even bother responding?

People aren't being gullible for taking the post on face value, if you don't there's no point commenting at all. Plus, it's not an especially unusual detail to have found out later on.

Maybe look through the past posts 🙄 I'm not going to do that for you.

I do wonder why she always preferred to involve you in childcare if she's so quick to turn on you, and the posts on Facebook sound vile and uncalled for. She expects you to care for her DC whilst at the same time obviously begrudging it. Time to block her and let her make her own arrangements Op

Absolutely not OK..Costa isn't a childminding service - what if one of them had taken ill or like kids do, fell out and one walked off. You should have messaged her and sad you couldn't wait and taken them to your appointment.

She wasn't there to pick up her own children because she was chatting with a friend? Not her car broke down on the way? This is on her!

You left them in a safe place, at an age they know to just sit there, when their mum should have been along any minute.

This is entirely on her and not on you.

This! Unbelievable how many people want to wrap children in cotton wool.

This would not even be an issue if the mother had showed the fuck up for her children as agreed.

I'd never do anything for her again, OP.

Surprised at the amount of people who think a 11 and 9 year old are far too young to sit with a hot chocolate in costa for half an hour. I stead preferring them to stand in a corridor (I’m sure they’d enjoy that).

And this is the crux of it - whether you believe that a sensible 11 year old and her 9 year old sister need "minded" at all time.

Clue - they don't.

Actually it sounds like there'd be a good case for reporting to Facebook.

The father already does the drop offs normally and OP also says the ex has form for expecting childcare from her and kicking off if she says no - indicating that it's already normal for OP to refuse.

No longer volunteering to do things like this would have minimum to no impact on her relationship with the kids.