To think we shouldn’t leave kids unsupervised while in bed

[Namechange12908]

…early in the morning. At what age would you do this? DC are 7 and 4 and will happily watch TV/play after breakfast. Kids wake up quite early (6-7ish), and at a weekend DH an I take turns at lie in, the other gets up with the kids. If it’s DH's turn to get up he will usually happily come back to bed for an hour after making them breakfast. He says he will hear if they start fighting or they come find him if they need anything. I would love to do the same but I don’t feel comfortable leaving them unsupervised.IABU?

4 and 7 is fine.

Nobody said they were leaving them alone for hours, though.

Being a parent doesn't mean being with your children from the minute they wake up to the minute they go to bed.

Absolutely fine. They're each old enough to come and tell you if the other had a problem.

I am fine with my 3 and 9 year olds playing in their room before breakfast, but I wouldn't be able to e.g. sleep through 9 year old getting them both breakfast or similar. Even though it is unlikely, I would worry about the offchance of 9 year old choking and 9 year old not realising what was going on.

9 year old could never be trusted alone for long when younger due to getting up to all sorts of tricks!

3 year old choking!

There have been posts in the recent past about this though @coffeecupsandwaxmelts , very young children left alone for hours while parents slept and lots of back slapping. Bit uncomfortable to read.

It's not bonkers, it's what is recommended at this age. It's not safe to leave young children unsupervised while eating and nothing much a 7 year old could do. Part of the issue is that choking is silent.

But that's not what was happening in OP's house, so I don't think it's very helpful to bring up other threads here.

Feeding your DC and then leaving them to watch TV for an hour while you doze in bed on the weekend isn't remotely comparable to leaving them unattended for hours on end on a regular basis.

Yes, I remember the same thread. And the parents I know IRL do it for hours. Which makes sense in a way - I find it a bit peculiar to do it for 30 mins to an hour and not fully go back to sleep as a few people on this thread have said, at that point why not just get out of bed? I am not so desperate for 30 mins of dozing.

I don't know if this is just my kids but yes they would come and find me if they had a problem but their idea of a problem at 4 isn't the same as mine. The OP's DD recently drew all over a wall, not a sign that she's ready IMO

See to me an hour is a long time. It’s age dependent, of course! I’m not claiming it is child abuse for a ten year old to be up for that time.

I honestly don’t want to sound precious and sniffy, but I do think a huge part of parenting is being there. I mean, there is no reason a child can’t eat dinner alone while their parents work or watch TV, but I think most of us would say it’s a pretty lonely and sad existence. I do see this as similar.

See, if mine at 2 years old wanted to chat to me and clamber on me, they would just come and find me in bed. They wouldn't meekly stay in a different room. And if they were that docile, I would assume you could just tell them to stop it.

I can see where there's room for debate with a 4 year old, I don't think a 2 year old should be left alone for even half an hour

@Theelephantinthecastle i have a handful of times. I’ve brought ds in bed with me and been so shattered I’ve gone back to sleep! I once had a strange moment where I thought I’d gone back to sleep for hours, and I couldn’t have as I fell asleep sometime when Chuggingtons started and then woke to Bing, but ds has gone and I thought he’d been fending for himself for ages. He was fine.

So I am not perfect and I do make mistakes but I just don’t see that a lot of the ‘stick some juice and a brioche and a remote in front of them’ as good. It may happen sometimes but it isn’t great.

Yes, I remember the same thread. And the parents I know IRL do it for hours. Which makes sense in a way - I find it a bit peculiar to do it for 30 mins to an hour and not fully go back to sleep as a few people on this thread have said, at that point why not just get out of bed? I am not so desperate for 30 mins of dozing.

Need to time to adjust. I'm not being woken up at 7am on a weekend and immediately doing puzzles or doing potato art, I mean seriously? That's just miserable AF.

I wouldn't really go back to sleep (as I know it's only a matter of time before the DC comes back asking for something) but I lie in bed for a while and check the news, social media, Mumsnet, texts, emails whatever before I summon the energy to go next door.

I always stayed up with mine. Maybe cuppa on sofa & sort of snooze with one eye open.

But OP doesn't have a two year old - so whether you'd leave a 2yo alone or not is irrelevant to her post. Her children are 4 and 7, so considerably older and more likely to follow instructions. There's also nothing to say they wouldn't come and clamber over them if they got bored either.

I suspect most 4yo's would probably love being able to sit and watch TV with their big sibling and the 7yo's probably love being in charge without mum around too

I was replying to @concertgoer who does this with their 2 year old

It certainly wasn't a "lonely and sad existence" for me growing up. I loved being trusted to go downstairs all by myself to watch TV in the mornings. I was allowed to make some cereal, have some juice and sit on the floor while I watched cartoons. My parents were always around and if I wanted I was always welcome to go upstairs and see them in bed.

IMO parents don't need to constantly "be there" from the minute their DC wake up to the minute they go to bed. I mean, even babies and toddlers are left unattended while their parents shower or get on with things in another room for short periods of time.

We're not talking about children left alone in a house with no supervision. The parents are probably barely ten metres away.

My twins, when they were about 3 yrs old, were at their Dad's & got up on their own.. & found a tin of paint..
I had to try & keep a straight face when he phoned me & said he'd have to bring them back straight away as him & the Other Woman had to clean it all up.. they'd been through the entire house..
Nothing to do with OP's post really, I just remembered & thought I'd share the hilarity.. ;-)

Depends how sensible the 7 year old is, would the little one be safe being supervised by the 7 year old etc, sure they should be safe, but kids are unpredictable, personally I would be hesitant. Just in case
mind I used to work as a casualty nurse and saw first hand just how kiddies do silly things …

Ah, I didn't realise - my apologies.

Not does … DID …. now both are highly capable teens ! & have never been injured watching tv on an early Saturday morning! 😂

I couldn't do it- mine are a similar age and the thought of them accidentally choking downstairs whilst I was asleep. Mine have a light breakfast snack like a muffin or fruit and watch iPads in bed whilst we doze (they snuggle with us). Then we get up and have a proper breakfast.

I gave myself my worst injury aged 11 with my mum (a nurse) sat five metres away, watching me the entire time.

I suppose my point is, how far do you take constant supervision? Single/SAH parents will often have no choice but to leave their DC unattended for short periods while they cook, or shower, or pop to the toilet, or answer the door. I don't see why this is any different (in terms of safety, anyway).

Our kids are 7 and very nearly 4….. just recently we’ve started letting them play together in the morning while we have a bit of a lie in.

we’re awake, having a coffee in bed while reading or watching the tv etc. can hear them playing and can hear if we need to intervene…. There’s usually a couple of arguments that need sorting.

it’s only very recently that we’ve done this as I didn’t trust them not to do something daft. DH is more anxious about it than I am.

I just don't really get what the benefit of doing this in bed over the sofa is? The risks of them doing something silly or unsafe are clearly much higher.

If mine are up at 6, I often let them watch TV while I slump on the sofa with a coffee for a bit. I am not necessarily doing improving activities but they're not alone.

7 feels perfectly civilised to me, if you're in bed at 11pm you've had 8 hours, I don't particularly need more and am happy to crack on and play and don't find it miserable at all