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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think we shouldn’t leave kids unsupervised while in bed

261 replies

Namechange12908 · 04/03/2023 09:13

…early in the morning. At what age would you do this? DC are 7 and 4 and will happily watch TV/play after breakfast. Kids wake up quite early (6-7ish), and at a weekend DH an I take turns at lie in, the other gets up with the kids. If it’s DH's turn to get up he will usually happily come back to bed for an hour after making them breakfast. He says he will hear if they start fighting or they come find him if they need anything. I would love to do the same but I don’t feel comfortable leaving them unsupervised.IABU?

OP posts:

33goingon64 · 05/03/2023 19:10

DH and I only have sex on weekend mornings when the DC are downstairs. Can't remember what age that started but definitely before 4 and 7! What do you think is going to happen?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/03/2023 19:13

Theelephantinthecastle · 05/03/2023 19:10

I just don't really get what the benefit of doing this in bed over the sofa is? The risks of them doing something silly or unsafe are clearly much higher.

If mine are up at 6, I often let them watch TV while I slump on the sofa with a coffee for a bit. I am not necessarily doing improving activities but they're not alone.

7 feels perfectly civilised to me, if you're in bed at 11pm you've had 8 hours, I don't particularly need more and am happy to crack on and play and don't find it miserable at all

Show quote history

I mean, I can think of several reasons I'd rather stay in bed, lol.

Beds are warmer and more comfortable, for starters. If you lay on the sofa, you're automatically going to have DC clambering on you, or pestering you for food/drink/to play, whereas if you occupy them with the TV and go elsewhere, you stand a chance of getting 10 minutes of peace and quiet.

I don't think dozing on the sofa is necessarily any safer than dozing in bed either - you still have your eyes closed/risk nodding off and you're not fully engaged or supervising either.

Sarain · 05/03/2023 19:14

We've always done this once they were potty trained and nearly school age. I'd have no problem with a 4 and 7 year old having cereal and watching tv.

Thisisthewaywe · 05/03/2023 19:24

It’s not so much about what’s going to happen, although accidents are a possibility.

But speaking very generally, I do think kids need supervision, even if that’s only keeping a cursory eye on them as they watch CBeebies.

I am definitely not talking about any parents here, but these parents do exist, where they aren’t available at all, they are in bed, depressed, or on drugs, or drunk, and after a while kids do give up and just get on with things themselves. And I know that will elicit defensive replies and probably mocking ones too, but is there really a massive drastic difference in a heroin addict who leaves the kids unsupervised to get their own breakfast for two hours and one who is asleep? It’s definitely the lower end, but it is a bit borderline. And IMO, four and seven is a bit too young.

Plaidparty · 05/03/2023 19:31

concertgoer · 05/03/2023 16:04

My children were left alone from probably 2&4. In as much as I’d get up and make their warm milk, change any nappies, plonk them with toys/tv/both and go back to bed for half an hour.
I knew they were in safe surroundings, could hear them and at that age I wouldn’t go back to sleep.

A 2year old left alone with a 4year old?

I wouldn’t leave a 4 year old alone but there is no way I’d leave a 2 year old alone at all.

Are people really doing this? The risks are insane.

Vynalbob · 05/03/2023 19:31

Ours always amused themselves in their own room....never asked...no reason to. I would say depends on the kids, how childproof (gas appliances/big dog etc) & sibling dynamic.
Know people who do it with no problems but also have heard under 6s :trying to start the car: wandering to corner shop for sweets my favourite (old one) posting a jam sandwich in a video recorder.

Jooliusreezer · 05/03/2023 19:33

but is there really a massive drastic difference in a heroin addict who leaves the kids unsupervised to get their own breakfast for two hours and one who is asleep

Ding ding, we have a winner. The most Mumsnet thing ever written goes to…

Atsocta · 05/03/2023 19:35

Don’t agree, the OP must have some concerns or wouldn’t have asked!
yes anyone can have an accident, and yes it’s fine until perhaps something happens, then they would have wished they had entrusted the little ones care to a 7 year old .. better safe than sorry comes to mind …

Thisisthewaywe · 05/03/2023 19:35

Go on then, what’s the difference?

If it isn’t harmful to leave very young children unsupervised for hours, then why is it a problem if someone wants to get off their head? The kids are fine, and it’s good for their independence.

I have come across this a lot, often it isn’t drug addiction but depression or illness meaning the parent isn’t getting up and engaging with them, and children are getting themselves up and sorting themselves out. According to this thread, that’s really good parenting, isn’t it?

Strawberrydelight78 · 05/03/2023 19:39

I think that's ok as long as they can be trusted not to leave the house or climb to up on the kitchen cupboards to get something. But your DH has sorted they're breakfast. Mine have special needs and siezures. So have never been able to leave them unsupervised.

Dinkleberg · 05/03/2023 19:40

My DD is 4 and sometimes on weekends, if baby DS is still asleep, I will get her breakfast and then doze on the sofa whilst she potters around the living room.

Dinkleberg · 05/03/2023 19:41

However I wouldn't leave a 7 year old in charge of a 4 year old.

Dinkleberg · 05/03/2023 19:43

Also I should say I would NOT let DD have free reign of the house. But the living room that is totally toddler proof and has a stairgate? Absolutely.

LikeTearsInRain · 05/03/2023 19:57

33goingon64 · 05/03/2023 19:10

DH and I only have sex on weekend mornings when the DC are downstairs. Can't remember what age that started but definitely before 4 and 7! What do you think is going to happen?

Yeah I figured this was common. Surely why Saturday morning tv was developed for kids decades back? Allows the parents to lie in and/or shag in peace

TinyCactusInAPot · 05/03/2023 19:57

It’s all ok until it isn’t

mine we’re 5 and 7 when they decided to climb on the kitchen counter and open the medicine Cabinet and randomly picked prescription sleeping pills and ate them as a dare

AE trip, social services…. But all ended well

but bloody hell kids don’t half come up with stupid stuff!

Yourcatisnotsorry · 05/03/2023 20:23

It very much depends on your children. Mine are the same ages. I wouldn’t leave them on another floor for more than a few minutes or be asleep when they are awake, I feel bad reading in bed while they play upstairs (in eyeline and often talking to me).

Aphrathestorm · 05/03/2023 20:30

As soon as mine could use the tv remote I had long lies.

DC in question straight As RG uni so my parenting can't have been that bad...

Mandyjack · 05/03/2023 20:46

Sheitgeist · 04/03/2023 09:21

Actually I would caveat my post with "as long as you don't have a dog"

I had an early rising young child and large dog at the same time, so I had to get up!

Or keep the dog with you

Atovell · 05/03/2023 21:16

Bigbus · 04/03/2023 10:55

Mine are a bit older now (teens and preteen) but I always got up with mine. We took it in turns. I suppose I found the idea of both parents sleeping while the kids were up having breakfast a bit weird to be honest but since these threads stared on MN I’ve been really surprised to find myself completely in the minority. I genuinely didn’t know everyone else was sleeping while their kids were up helping themselves to breakfast. I wouldn’t have been comfortable with it myself. I think for everyone it’s an individual choice as to what they are comfortable with.

I completely agree with you. I would rather be up with them ‘just in case’. Obviously when they are pre teens etc I would be more relaxed 😂

Bigbus · 05/03/2023 21:41

Atovell · 05/03/2023 21:16

I completely agree with you. I would rather be up with them ‘just in case’. Obviously when they are pre teens etc I would be more relaxed 😂

Show quote history

Now they are preteens and teens they never wake up before me! Lucky if they wake up before lunchtime!

Atovell · 05/03/2023 21:46

Ahh mine has just turned one and I don’t think I’ve slept past 630am the whole time lol

Atsocta · 06/03/2023 01:46

I think part of being parents is supervising your children while their young
sleep in while they stay with grandparents etc or wait till their in their in there teens, you won’t get them outta bed then .
or get them a tv in the eldest bedroom at least they will be away from the kitchen etc, and bit nearer, then all have a later breakfast together..

Ineke · 06/03/2023 02:07

You know your kids best, so you would be the best judge. If you are worried have a monitor on so that you can at least hear them if they are planning Armageddon or decide to cook their own pancakes or decorate the dog. Someone mentioned not to leave alone if you have a dog, that may be a consideration but also depends on the dog. You are the best judge.

TinyCactusInAPot · 06/03/2023 06:22

@Aphrathestorm is getting your kids into an RG Uni THE measure of success in parenting?

I love it, it does not get more MN than that 😁

well done you

Blueink · 06/03/2023 10:53