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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ok, I know I am, but still..

40 replies

nutcracker · 10/02/2008 18:42

Today I found out how much xp will be getting in a lump sum of his pension and all I can think is, why does nice stuff happen to shite people.

Ok ok it's his, he worked for it etc etc, but he will waste it, won't pay any of his debts off etc etc, and I will still be sat here struggling from week to week. Obviously had we been together, we'd have spent it on the house, new car, holiday etc, and although no amount of money is worth being with him, I still feel shite.

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/02/2008 18:43

Can you not get a lump some as part of maintenance for the child/ren?

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/02/2008 18:44

sum

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 10/02/2008 18:44

You are being unreasonable but then you know that.

Just tell yourself that you never have to wake up and look at his face again, now personally speaking that would be money in the bank if I were you.

mrsmalaprop · 10/02/2008 18:44

YANBU to feel the way you do. It is a natural reaction to an irritating situation. However, YABU if you let it get to you - just for your own mental health's sake. You don't deserve to wind yourself up over it.

Original poster
nutcracker · 10/02/2008 18:45

I very much doubt it, the csa don't give a toss do they. I was meant to get £5 a week and never did, and he has been working for a few months now and i've still not had a penny through them.

Xp did help me out with pressies at xmas though.

OP posts:
Vacua · 10/02/2008 18:45

I was just about to ask same - it's not wholly unreasonable because presumably you are left footing the bill for everything and it's a struggle?

Original poster
nutcracker · 10/02/2008 18:45

Guess what the first thing is that he will do ??

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/02/2008 18:46

£5 a week?

Original poster
nutcracker · 10/02/2008 18:47

He has said he will buy a new mattres for dd1, but thats it so far.

I went to pick the kids up today and he's showing me these canvas print things he's brought for his bedroom wall and that pissed me off. He would never have brought stuf like that when we were together, or decorated etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 10/02/2008 18:48

Yep NAB £5 a week, and thats not per child either, and I got 2mths worth and never had another penny.

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/02/2008 19:00

Stuff like this pisses me off big time. If you were still together he would be forking out so why not now? I think the CSA needs a kick up its arse.

Original poster
nutcracker · 10/02/2008 19:02

He is gonna give his job up to.

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/02/2008 19:02

You need to seek legal advice pronto and I would be tempted to say no money = no contact.

Original poster
nutcracker · 10/02/2008 19:05

I can't NAB, the kids love visiting him, it wouldn't be fair on them.

He has said he is gonna give me xyz, but it's like i can only have it if i do what he says with it, and anyway it won't ever happen, he will waste it all.

I am happy that he has the money to get what he needs for his flat, especially the carpets, but on the other hand he lived in this house for over 2 years and I still have no carpet in what was our room or on the stairs.

I am just so pissed off that he will now be able to do to that flat what he likes whilst I am still living in the house that he couldn't be arsed to touch, and I can't aford or manage to do anything to it.

OP posts:
NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/02/2008 19:07

I see your point about the kids. They will see soon enough that dad doesn't want to support them.

Original poster
nutcracker · 10/02/2008 19:10

Yeah you are right about that, but I am worried now that whilst he does have the money, if he does spend some on taking them out and about, they will prefer being with him than me as I rarely take them anywhere.

Silly I know.

I feel i should be compensated for living with him for the ten years I did tbh LOL.

OP posts:
pirategirl · 10/02/2008 19:12

nut any news about the house?

as for the ex, i understand, what its like to struggle, and they don't give you anything.

Original poster
nutcracker · 10/02/2008 19:13

The lady doesn't want mine PG, am gutted.

OP posts:
chipkid · 10/02/2008 19:16

you can apply for a lump sum for the maintenance and upkeep of your children through the Court under the Children Act Schedule 1 -if he has a big sum coming to him-may be worth taking some legal advice-you'll get initial consultation free

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 10/02/2008 19:16

Kids aren't superficial like that and they will see that you are always there for them.

pirategirl · 10/02/2008 19:19

god sorry nut.

Try and move on from it, something else will turn up.

As for ex, don't dwell on him, he likes to get you in knots doesn't he. I know he's good with the kids, at themoment, but not so long back he was a right arse wasn't he.

Keep everything in perspective ( i shal also try and listento my own advice !) and perhaps take some advice on the money thing?

take care

Original poster
nutcracker · 10/02/2008 19:19

He will spend it quicker than I can do that chipkid.

If he sees the kids alright then, fine, but if he doesn't then I dunno.

OP posts:
chipkid · 10/02/2008 19:22

nutcracker-you can injunct him from spending part of the sum until determination of your claim-but I do understand that the bad feelings that this may cause would not be worth the sum you may get! it is bloody annoying though !

LIZS · 10/02/2008 20:22

He's rubbing your nose in it cos you gave him the brush off the other day .

Just think he'll be a sad old man in 10 years time with nothing to show for it, not even a pension, and kids who see through him and won't visit. While you have a chance of a fresh start and a loving family.

LIZS · 10/02/2008 20:23

and make a list of all kids-related expenditure for the next year and present him with it before he spends it all.

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