Too soon in relationship to have a child?

[Moxysright]

Aibu to think getting pregnant after only a few weeks/ months of dating a person is just too soon? I’ve seen a few people I know over the years jump into this commitment, imo, very quickly and I wonder if they even realise the enormity of having a child with someone? I definitely feel some people panic and don’t really care so long as they can say ‘they have a child.’ Biological clock ticking and all that.

Unless you are the one pregnant it is absolutely none of your business.

It’s not my business but it’s certainly my opinion.

Well yeah it probably is 'too soon' in general standards but if it works out well for them then who are we to judge?

I think we could all agree it's probably too soon but sometimes unplanned pregnancies happen and sometimes people decide that they want to do things quickly, and it's nothing to do with me

You sound very judgemental.

I got pregnant quickly, it wasn’t planned and I absolutely knew the enormity of it. Our eldest is now coming up to 13. We’ve outlasted a lot of couples who had been together for several years before having a dc.

Ok and I would say you sound defensive.

I have seen a few split quite quickly afterwards, yes purely anecdotal but still what I see.

I agree OP. And it’s not really about “judging” because life happens and people are human and make mistakes. But from the perspective of risk assessment then it’s very unwise.

Of course it is - you barely know the person. But you crack on - it's only my opinion

I fell pregnant very quickly. Unplanned, but very much wanted.

Don't regret it for a second. Judge all you like, it says more about you than it does about anyone's individual circumstances.

I think it’s everyone business, considering the child poverty statistics for children from single parent homes and the negative outcomes for children who grow up in poverty. Sure, having a baby with a near stranger might work out but it’s much more likely that it won’t, and the ultimate victim will be the child. We shouldn’t encourage people to make poor choices which impact on others.

Of course it is. All these people berating you for having an opinion, are odd. Everybody raises an eyebrow at someone else’s choices from time to time.

If you get pregnant within a few weeks of meeting someone and still together 20 years later it’s either luck, that you have been able that both people have been honest about who they are and are compatible Or stuck in a relationship because it’s just easier.

It happens. But it not ideal. Waiting does guarantee success either though.

Far far far far too soon. And then wait some more

To reflect on points made on this thread:

I don't see anyone encouraging people to have a baby very early in a relationship.

I would certainly agree that it's not ideal.

But it happens, and when it does, criticism and judgement won't help the child in any way whatsoever.

My eldest is not a 'victim'. She's fabulous! She's one of the most authentic, intelligent people I know.

But I guess that doesn't fit the narrative.

My friend was pg just 4m into a new relationship, completely accidental, she cried buckets to me but not to the outside world, it was all brace face and happy smiles. They're still together with more dc. The first is now 22.

You really don't know the real circumstances.

I know of someone who got pregnant very early into a relationship and the family are still together.
I know quite a few who were together years and a baby broke them as in the men all had affairs.The men couldn't cope without the attention.
Hopefully the couple will be able to weather it.

Definitely too soon considering how many couples don't last the distance, I think it's fair to be cynical

I wouldn't have a child with someone unless living together and married. What other people do is their business unless they want me to be an unpaid childminder

Loads of anecdata on this thread.
It isn't ideal, and yes, I would judge someone who actively chooses to have a baby with someone they barely know. But I am aware that accidents do happen.

Ideally I always thought I would be with my partner a year at least first before thinking about it. But I accidentally got pregnant really quick 😬 I was over the moon as I was told I couldn't, so complete surprise! Luckily it's worked for us and stayed together. You can't always plan what life throws at you. But do your best to work with it.

I didn't actually read your post as judgemental?? I read it as a preference which I think most people have x

I agree. Children deserve to come into the most stable relationship possible, and that foundation really only builds over time (and still isn't guaranteed, obviously!). Of course things happen and work out, but I would imagine that's more the exception than the rule. Just my opinion, of course I wouldn't voice it to someone I knew in that situation.

Having spent 13 years with my ex, 2 DC later to find out he’s gay I honestly don’t think time truly tells us when is the right time? Do we really know this person?

Do you not think in most cases it's probably an accident? My DP got pregnant within two months of us getting together. Certainly wasn't the plan but we made the best of it. 16 years later and we're still together, I appreciate that we're very lucky.

I reckon very few people are getting pregnant that quickly on purpose

I think there's a difference between intentionally getting pregnant very early, and accidentally getting pregnant very early in a relationship.

Intentionally - My personal opinion is that it's a little foolish, you don't know the person. But none of my business.

Accidentally - Well it's happened, and you need to deal with consequences. Doesn't mean it can't work out or that the baby won't be very much loved.

Either way, it's not anyone's business bar the couple.

I git pregnant after 4 months. A complete accident but I was 34 at the time so decided to keep it. We stayed together for a further 6 years, but in reality I only stayed because of our dd, I'd have left years before if I hadn't got pregnant.

Yes I agree op, a few weeks, months is way too early

No I completely get not everyone is purposely getting pregnant but an ‘accident’ to me would suggest one or both not using contraception, so then knowing pregnancy could be a possibility.